[Kurts MUM]

I am writing for my son. He was in prison when his daughter was born. The mother of the baby ended up doing drugs and then in prison. The maternal grandparents adopted the child to protect her from her mother. They told my son that he had to sign away his parental rights in order for them to adopt her. Also, because they adopted her, they now receive about $700 a month from the VA since the grandpa is a disabled veteran. My son got out of prison over 6 years ago and has proven to be a wonderful dad and law-abiding citizen. He would like to adopt his daughter back from the grandma but she won't budge on that issue. She would rather give the girl back to her real mom who has had continual problems with drugs with multiple treatment programs and stints in jail. Apparently the real mom gave up her parental rights too but has no problem having the little girl in her presence whenever she wants - high on drugs or not. We feel that the grandma is not being a responsible parent by allowing her to be in constant attendance with her mom. The grandma has also committed fraud against the VA since one of the stipulations (so she said) of getting the money is that the child has to be in her care 60% of the time. The grandpa is a chain smoker (now dying of lung cancer) and always smokes in the house in the little girl's presence. We are concerned for the girl's health and well being living with this group of people. They don't make sure that she is served good meals; lots of health care issues. My son had almost complete care of the girl for the last 4 years (while the real mom was in and out of jail or treatment or whatever) and has taken very good care of her with very good parenting skills. She has good grades at school and is well-behaved in school when he has the responsibility of most of her care. He was told by two lawyers in MN where he lives that once a man gives up his parental rights, they are gone. What can he do to be able to adopt his own daughter from a grandmother who isn't doing a very good job of rearing her.

[ScottGem]

He was told correct. For them to adopt, both parents had to relinquish their rights. But adoption was not the only alternative available to the grandparents. While I don't disagree with the attorneys he consulted, I think the circumstances here leave some wiggle room.

If your son was presented with adoption as the only alternative, he might be able to get the adoption overturned. This is helped by the fact that his daughter knows him as her daddy (I assume from what you have said). Plus, the substandard care given by the grandparents.

I think he needs to shop around for an attorney willing to take this on. In the meantime, he can try talking to family services about the care his daughter is getting.

[JudyKayTee]

Oh, Scott we disagree. Sorry. This is an absolutely correct statement: "They told my son that he had to sign away his parental rights in order for them to adopt her. " Yes, in order for them to adopt her he had to sign away his parental rights. I'm assuming he can read and write and read the papers? At that time with the parents (apparently) on drugs and one or both incarcerated it doesn't appear anyone else stepped up to give this child a home.

The grandparents won't "give" the child back? For starters, this is a child, not a puppy.

The child was legally adopted. The adoptive parents, apparently the grandparents, are the legal parents. If they want to surrender the child for adoption or sign papers so your son can adopt her, then all parties can consult an Attorney and do just that.

Your son has no parental rights. He isn't the legal parent.

Maybe the grandparents are raising the child "right" in your eyes. Maybe they aren't. If they aren't, contact the authorities, report the mistreatment, ask that it be investigated. No child should be abused and/or neglected, no matter who is in jail, who adopted her, whatever else is going on.

I think you could make an argument that they didn't do a good job of raising their addict daughter. I think you'll lose.

At any rate I find it shocking that this child is handed back and forth, that her future is discussed like she's a pawn in a giant chess game.

Your son signed the adoption papers. He is no longer that child's LEGAL father.

Or is the problem that the grandfather gets some sort of pension and/or benefit because of the child? While we're discussing the financial aspect of things how much money does your son spend on the child in the average year - this child that he wants to "get" back? I'm not saying he has to support her in any fashion. She's not his legal daughter. But how much does he contribute?

This is one of the reasons people are reluctant to adopt - and I've got this going on in my circle of friends. The child is 4, adopted 2 months after birth. The mother, also a drug addict, and the father, also a drug addict, feel they were "coerced" into signing the adoption papers - and so everyone is in Court, fighting over a 4 year old who would be in foster care or who knows where if someone hadn't stepped in to adopt her. This, in my eyes, is disgusting and unfair. Will my friends ever, ever even consider adopting another child? No. The heartache has been tremendous.

And just for the proper wording - alcoholics are always recovering alcoholics. Are addicts always recovering addicts, former addicts, something else?

[ScottGem]

Correct, the bio father has no legal rights. And if he was just trying to get back in the child's life from no contact, he wouldn't stand a chance.

But every once in a while the law does provide justice, even though the statutes are against it. I think this MAY be one of those cases. But it will take a willing lawyer to fight for it.

[JudyKayTee]

And it's going to depend on what "justice" is.

Hopefully this will go to Court, a decision will be made whether to "give" the child back, and that decision will be in the best interest of the child, not who signed what and why.

[ScottGem]

Hopefully this will go to Court, a decision will be made whether or not to "give" the child back, and that decision will be in the best interest of the child, not who signed what and why.

I totally agree. I just think its worth going to court about.

[JudyKayTee]

Agreed.

[cdad]

You meantion that the child is living with the father most of the time. How much time would that be?