[WantHope]

I am deeply ashamed to admit that I have ruined my marriage and relationship with a man I have spent the almost my entire life with. I cheated on my husband, betrayed him and was disloyal, confessed my sins and am now praying for his forgiveness and reconciliation.

I take all the responsibility for my actions and I am trying to own the consequences. I do not blame my husband for what I've done. He's angry, he's betrayed and I don't know that he can ever see me the same again.

For anyone out there that has been through this - how do you get through it? For those who have been cheated on, could you ever forgive? If not, why? It seems insane to my husband that I could do this to him and still claim to love him, yet I do, deeply, intensely. I made huge mistakes that have cost me and my family greatly, but I would do anything to take away this pain I have caused everyone. We have three young children and they have spent the past 5 months without him at home with us. He has reacted in ways that I never imagined but I can not blame him for it.

Is it possible for him to move forward with me, even though he's holding onto his anger? He says he wants to be with me, if I can show him I'm a better person, If I can show him something that will matter. But he says he doesn't know what that could be or how I could do it. He says I have to be the one to "try" and have to show him "something" before he wll try. He says he loves me, but that he needs to know who the "real" me is, and he doesn't even think that I know who the real me is.

I'm so confused. I desperately want to have a future with this man, I desperately want my family back together. But I don't know how to make it happen.

We did go to one counseling session - which was a failure - and he won't go back.
I ruined his trust in me, is it ruined forever?

[talaniman]

No one knows what he will do next, or how long it will take to get over his anger and trust you again. What you did is no little thing, and for now I would suggest you focus on keeping your home intact and do for your children. What your husband does he will let you know when he figures it out, but either way you have a very long road to travel.