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LiffAM1 · May 29, 2013, 08:37 PM

I don't know what to do about this guy (we'll call him Jaye). We have been talking for quite awhile but haven't been able to date due mostly to bad timing in my life. However, he has always claimed that he still likes me and wants to be with me. We hang out a lot and are very good friends.

About a month ago, I talked to him and he said that he feels like we were "pretty much in a relationship." I told him that I was sorry but I still couldn't begin anything official with him. He didn't seem to mind, claiming that he would continue to wait although he was sad that we "weren't dating anymore." This concerned me since I had always made it clear that we were NOT dating, and he had seemed to accept that. It was a confusing situation.

The next day, I heard the rumor. One of my good friends came up to me in a panic and told me that she had heard that Jaye had slept with a notoriously easy senior (he's a freshman in college) the night before. Although I obviously couldn't call him out for cheating on me since we're not in a relationship, I was shocked since it didn't seem like the type of thing he would do. I asked him matter-of-factly (not accusing, just asking) and, after beating around the bush, he eventually denied that he and this girl had done anything more than "cuddle." I decided to believe him and brushed it off.

But the rumors didn't stop. Several people that I trusted talked to me about it, asking me if they'd heard about the "scandal." I told them all that it wasn't true, but they were all skeptical. One day the girl herself (the one he'd "slept with") came up and told me it was true. That was like a punch in the gut, but still I chose to trust Jaye over her.

I didn't start to worry until one day, one of Jaye's fraternity brothers approached me and told me that I really needed to accept the truth rather than trying to defend Jaye. I couldn't help but feel a little concerned--this was Jaye's best friend who Jaye told everything to. He was also a good friend of mine. What reason would he have to tell me Jaye was lying unless he actually was?

I didn't want to do it, but I confronted Jaye again. I told him what I'd heard. I told him it wasn't a big deal if he'd actually done it since I had no claim over him, but the lying was hurting me. I was also being hurt by his actions recently--despite the rumors, he constantly hung out with the girl while simultaneously telling me that he wasn't interested in her and still cared about me. I told him to just give me the truth.

He grew angry that I didn't trust him. Recently, our relationship has been very strained as a result. We are no longer good friends, and our interaction is stressful. I care about him deeply, but I am also being hurt deeply. My question is: should I trust him, or should I just move on?

tickle · May 30, 2013, 04:35 AM

If you are NOT in a 'relationship' with this person, I don't know why all the drama about his personal life. It seems to me that since he is not in a 'relationship' with you and you are definitely not dating, what difference does it make.

You ask should you move on, move on from what, there is nothing to move in from.

Oliver2011 · May 30, 2013, 04:45 AM

Move on from what? He's a freshman in college. Freshmen in college want to have sex. I actually applaud him for not hanging on waiting for you.That was a very healthy decision he made for himself. While I don't think he should have lied, he should have said that it is none of your business. Honestly that was a really long post about someone you're not even in a relationship with.

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2013, 08:36 AM

You're not in a relationship with him so anything is does is none of your business. I don't know why you are asking and are so upset.
Stop fixating on this guy. Move on. Although I don't know what you're moving on from.

odinn7 · May 30, 2013, 09:12 AM

LOL... talk about looking to get into the middle of drama. Really, why are you so worried about this? Do you feel cheated somehow that he may have slept with someone else even though you weren't interested in him? I just fail to understand the reasoning behind all this.

tickle · May 30, 2013, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

LOL...talk about looking to get into the middle of drama. Really, why are you so worried about this? Do you feel cheated somehow that he may have slept with someone else even though you weren't interested in him? I just fail to understand the reasoning behind all this.

It's because she was playing hard to get and it backfired! IMO

odinn7 · May 30, 2013, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

It's because she was playing hard to get and it backfired! IMO

It's what I was indirectly implying. *wink* *wink*

talaniman · May 30, 2013, 10:20 AM

"And those are The Days of Our Lives". Why is this a scandal even? Oh that's right because a bunch of people decided it was.

However he should not have lied. That made you look silly didn't it? You wouldn't have had you not become part of the drama and scandal and said "I don't know who is screwing, and don't care!".

Leave him alone and stop leading him on since you know he wants more than just a hangout buddy. And will lie to keep that hope alive. I hated it when a female rejected me and put me in the "lets just be friends" box, and expect me to be okay. He should have just left you alone. Now you know the TRUTH, leave him alone.

Oliver2011 · May 30, 2013, 10:39 AM

If this situation was a scandal, not even MSNBC would report on it. TMZ would laugh at it. And Motion Picture Association would rate it G.