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lonely1978 · May 20, 2013, 08:12 AM

My boyfriend is 11 years older than I am. We have been together over 2 years now. When we first began dating he was intimate. He was going through a divorce but he seemed OK. After the divorce was final he started backing off on the sex more and more. However he did look at porn all the time.

Last year after begging and begging for sex I was at my witts end. He swore he wasn't looking at porn. I got on his computer and found lots of porn pics and even nude pics of his ex wife. I wanted to scream. I wrote a note and swallowed 3 full bottles of perscription pills. I wanted to end it all. I felt like I would never look like the women he masturbates to. He found me having a seziure and called 911. We talked and had a little counseling. Since then we haven't had sex once. This incident has been nearly a year ago.

When I asked why he says it was this: About a month before I attempted suicide I had a tampon lodged. I had to have him help me remove it. He says this really bothered him and he can't get that image out of his head. This comes from someone who was an EMT for years and who has wittnessed the birth of his two children. What should I do?

talaniman · May 20, 2013, 10:02 AM

Your reactions to his behavior are extreme and over the top. Suicide is never the answer, and I seriously suspect his tampon excuse is to avoid a repeat performance by you. There are many other more serious issues here I think besides the obvious lack of sex.

You need to find them and deal with them, and stop assuming he was fine with his past when you met him. Lack of sex is usually just a symptom of a greater problem that needs addressing in other areas of the relationship. If it can't be resolved together then you have no choice but to be apart.

You sorely need some honest communications between you.

joypulv · May 20, 2013, 10:48 AM

I agree that the suicide attempt scared him so much that he will never have sex with you again and you might as well break up. How can he have sex with a woman who freaks out so extremely over pictures that she might do it again?
I am always puzzled by people who beg for sex anyway. If you want something from someone and they don't want to give it to you, you move on. You aren't tied to him by children or poverty - what IS keeping you there?

backpack2389 · May 21, 2013, 06:23 AM

I would not want to be entangled with someone who reacts to relationship troubles by attempting suicide. What if you had killed yourself? Did you even consider that he might carry that guilt for the rest of his life? That's not something he deserves and you were being careless and wrong when you attempted to lay that on him.

Suicide is one of the most selfish acts. Any person that is involved with you would pay some price if you successfully committed suicide. This is not just about you, no matter how unhappy you are.

Romance is a part of or an addition to living a full life, but living is not an accessory to a romance. Life is the whole deal. If this relationship leads you to want to quit on life altogether, then find a different relationship. Don't ruin both of your lives trying to save a relationship that is long over.