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samanthab · Mar 22, 2007, 03:31 PM

I was just wondering if I legally have to change my sons name if the father is requesting it.. he has nothing to do with my son and wants it changed so he has his middle name and last name

Thanks samantha

RubyPitbull · Mar 22, 2007, 04:03 PM

How old is your son? Is the father paying child support?

vlee · Mar 22, 2007, 04:08 PM

Doesn't matter if the father is around or is paying support... if you have a birth certificate with a name on it, it can't be legally changed without the consent of both parents or a court order. So in short, unless a judge says otherwise, you don't have to do anything.

RubyPitbull · Mar 22, 2007, 04:15 PM

I don't know why but I got the impression her son is a baby . I was thinking this was something that the father just found out and is petitioning for it. I guess I am getting tired. Of course, vlee, you are right.

samanthab · Mar 22, 2007, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

How old is your son? Is the father paying child support?

My son is 3 months old and he is not paying support yet we are going to court but he was his name to be changed so my son will have 2 middle names and 2 last names and I don't want that he is a dead beat and has had nothing to do with my son so far..

RubyPitbull · Mar 22, 2007, 05:48 PM

Well then, as I mentioned, is he petitioning the court for the name change? If he doesn't petition for the name change, as Vlee stated, there is nothing the father can do. Just because he is telling you he wants a name change, doesn't mean you have to do it. If he petitions the court, you may want to find a family lawyer to help you fight it although there are other options.

Is he trying to intimidate you in any way? If so, make a log of dates and time. If he is telling you he won't pay child support unless you change the baby's name, you can tell him to go "scratch". There is no guarantee he will make payments if you change the child's name. That is not a realistic agreement. The court will order payments and you can have his paychecks garnished. If the guy is a dead beat and doesn't work, he is going to be hard pressed to get a court to allow him to change the baby's name if he is not supporting the child or involved in his life in any way.

Can you tell me what state you are in? I can track down the family and child support services web site in your state for you. Someone there can give you guidance and you might be able to have an advocate assigned to your case, free of charge, if you have limited income, and if the father petitions the court for a name change.

vlee · Mar 22, 2007, 08:46 PM

The first thing to do is take a deep breath. I know how scary the court system seems, especially when it involves your child and you are new to it. For now, the birth certificate is a legal document used to identify your child, so the name on it is legally binding. If your ex petitions for a name change, hire a lawyer and let him/her do your fighting for you. I like ruby pitbull's suggestion of keeping a log of any threats or harassment. If he ever shows up hounding you in person, call the police to tow his butt away. (A police incident report will help you in court too.) Just try to remember, you have a new son to focus on, and you have a right to enjoy him. They don't stay this little for long.

samanthab · Mar 22, 2007, 09:14 PM

I don't understand what you mean by petition the court I know that in my case briefing papers he is wanting the name change to go before a judge but honestly my sons name would be way to long for him when he gets older.. like seriously 5 names is crazy he has only seen his son once since he was born and told me he wants nothing to do with him until a paternity test is donw so I did it and now he wants his name changed and I don't want to do it at all.. I personally don't think that a judge should tell you that you have to change it

vlee · Mar 22, 2007, 09:43 PM

First of all, is there any doubt in your mind that this guy is the daddy? If he is unsure, then he needs to get a dna test to find out. Second, what case briefing papers? Has he filed for custody, or for a paternity test?

If he filed for a paternity test, nothing will be done until the results come back proving him to be the father. If he filed for custody or visitation rights, then he accepts he is this child's father. Have you been served notice of being sued for custody or visitation?

Now, to answer your question: If he petitions the court, which basically just means he is taking you to court to try to get the baby's name changed, it will be up to a judge to determine whether he has a right in choosing the child's name. The judge will weigh both sides of the argument. Your ex will probably say he has a right to determine his kids name too, that he want s to give him family name, wants him to carry on his family's surname, etc... You could argue things like: The dad hasn't been around, doesn't see the kid, wasn't at the hospital to fill out the birth certificate, isn't reliable to be around in the future, etc. A lawyer will prepare you for all of this. No, I don't think it's always fair in the family court system, but in the end the judge will have the final word and that is that.

RubyPitbull · Mar 23, 2007, 05:20 AM

Petitioning the court means that he has filled out paperwork and filed it with the court and is "suing" you for a name change. As Klee says, it isn't always fair but everyone has a right to try and that is the reason we have Judges so that they can make a fully informed decision as to what the best interests of the child is. Among the info Klee has given, you can also add to that list that the guy has not given you financial support, has argued with you over whether the child was his or not, give the Judge anything and everything this guy has done or not done to convince his that the father's request is not grounded in reality.

Samantha, do you have a lawyer or are you handling this yourself? If you are handling this yourself, please let me know what state you are in so that I can give you a link to family and child services. If you don't want to mention the state, then do a search on the internet yourself. Type in your state, for example, Tennessee State Family Support Services. That should give you a number of hits on government help. Contact one of the numbers listed on the web sites. Someone should be able to give you guidance on finding legal help. If you have a lawyer, you need to speak with him/her about this situation and follow their advice.

samanthab · Mar 23, 2007, 10:04 AM

Thank you for all you help guys.. I do have a lawyer and yes he has filed papers for visitations but I am going for custody and he did get a dna test done which doesn't make since to me why he is doing all this when he is doubting the child is his.. he is contradicting himself... and I will bring all that up in court... thanks again.. u were of great help to getting me to inderstand where I stand in all this.. if you think of anything else please let me know

RubyPitbull · Mar 23, 2007, 10:23 AM

Sounds like your ex is being a jerk. You had the baby, he denies it is his. You are filing for support, he asks for a DNA test. I don't know if you have received the DNA test results but if it came back and he now knows he is the father, then he isn't doubting anymore that the child is his. So, since you are looking for financial support for your child and following through, he is being an S.O.B. and making your life hell for (in his mind) making his life hell, and he is now requesting the name change. He wants to inconvenience you the way he FEELS he is inconvenienced. As I said, sounds like the guy is a jerk. An immature one at that. He has a financial responsibility to his child. You didn't create the baby yourself, you created one together. As such, the guy need to suck it up and be a man about this. But, unfortunately, he is not. He is playing games to annoy you.

I am glad you have a lawyer. Make sure he knows exactly how much time your ex has devoted to the baby, how you feel and where you are coming from, and under no circumstances will you agree to a name change. Let him find a way to block your ex from changing your baby's name. Good luck honey.

vlee · Mar 23, 2007, 10:56 AM

I agree with ruby, as usual.

I don't see why a judge would allow this guy to make any legal changes to the baby's name. Of course, you can never be certain how these things will go.

Anyway, good luck, and I hope the daddy gets his act together.

urstruly85 · Mar 23, 2007, 11:10 AM

I honestly think its crazy how once a judge says something has to be done you have have to do it.. well in some cases... When it comes to a child's name I don't think he should have any say in the matter... Did he give birth to the child, have cravings? Morning sickness if any? Went through labor? No so if the child father isn't around he should have no right in naming the child...