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smt5 · May 1, 2013, 04:20 PM

I am falling for my best friend, my relationship with my then boyfriend deteriorated and my friend was always there and supported me through a lot of personal trauma that was going on at the time. The other day when I gave my ex his stuff back, I went out with friends in the evening and me and my friend ended up kissing more than once. Things have gone back to normal, i.e. close friends with some flirting, but I want more. Should I say and risk my friendship or hide my true feelings from him? Please help

talaniman · May 1, 2013, 04:47 PM

Why don't you wait a while and avoid making your best friend a rebound seeing as how you have just come from a failed relationship. How old are you both?

smt5 · May 1, 2013, 05:29 PM

We're both 18. I do want to wait and take it slow as I don't want to ruin anything with him as his friendship is so important to me.

Fr_Chuck · May 1, 2013, 05:38 PM

Stay best friends, the kissing may have been a thing of the moment.

If you go past friends, it changes everything. But you already have changed it , by getting feelings for him.

dontknownuthin · May 1, 2013, 06:14 PM

If you're best friends, I think it's fine to open the subject - kind of an elephant in the room, I would say.

You could tell him that you have feelings for him but are weary about acting on them too soon because you just broke up with someone else. Let him know if he wants to keep it at friends, you are OK with it, but that you wanted him to know that you did feel something for him.

I am in favor of honesty and feel like if people don't play games and are willing to work through a bit of awkwardness, we are more apt to have richer relationships in our lives. It doesn't have to ruin the friendships either. I had to work through similar things with a few different young men through high school and college and several of them are still close friends of mine - we worked through it.

smt5 · May 1, 2013, 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

stay best friends, the kissing may have been a thing of the moment.

if you go past friends, it changes everything. but you already have changed it , by getting feelings for him.

I thought it may have been the moment until the afternoon after where we had another moment where we were both leaning in for a kiss before being interrupted. So I'm now confused as to what do about it. I didn't chose to feel this way, it's something I've been suppressing for 2 months, even whist with my ex.

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

If you're best friends, I think it's fine to open the subject - kind of an elephant in the room, I would say.

You could tell him that you have feelings for him but are weary about acting on them too soon because you just broke up with someone else. Let him know if he wants to keep it at friends, you are ok with it, but that you wanted him to know that you did feel something for him.

I am in favor of honesty and feel like if people don't play games and are willing to work through a bit of awkwardness, we are more apt to have richer relationships in our lives. It doesn't have to ruin the friendships either. I had to work through similar things with a few different young men through high school and college and several of them are still close friends of mine - we worked through it.

Thank you, this has been helpful knowing if I do say something (which I'm inclined to do as he can always tell when I'm keeping things from him) then it probably won't ruin it and we can still go on being friends if he doesn't feel the same