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kevin2006 · Mar 20, 2007, 04:14 PM

Hi, I have a very confusing question that's been bothering me. Recently I've been getting annoyed with my girlfriend who I have been with for almost 1 year. I felt like I couldn't talk to her properly and that I found myself trying to predict what she was going to say all the time. I told her I needed time away from her to think. I also told her I might be getting bored I'm not too sure. I was having doubts if I really loved her. But I don't want any other girl but I just can't say that I do love her. Is it possible not to love someone but really want that person to be with you?:confused:

kevin2006 · Mar 20, 2007, 04:36 PM

I've been reading some previous posts and I found this: "I think that Nohitter410's advice is right on the mark. I just wanted to add a couple of things. If you are already living a distance away then she shouldn't need a break for any reason. Also, her reasoning... what the heck is that all about??? So you can miss each other and get back together stronger??? If she genuinely needs space "so that you can miss each other to make the relationship stronger" then I think you need to run as fast as you can! This is a woman who will want to have multiple break-ups... and probably affairs."

I am really confused and scared now... basically I am the one saying I need space and it seems like my girlfriend might or not be worrying about it... does this always apply and does it mean I really want to break up? Someone help

nitsuj_help_me · Mar 20, 2007, 05:00 PM

Well, in my opinion, if you really are simply getting bored of her, but you really love her, then you should maybe give it some space and see how it turns out... wahtever decision you make, you should really think it through and be sure that you won't regret it. Did you work really hard in the beginning to build onto a relationship with this girl? If you did, you will understand what I am talking about. Can you imagine what it would be like without this girl? Think back in the beginning, could you ever imagine that you'll ever get this far with her? I mean... a year.. is a lot of progress. Follow your heart, and you may realize that you love her more than you think-~perhaps too much of her love which you may have taken for granted simply bored you... take care

Stunning07 · Mar 20, 2007, 05:17 PM

IF YOUR getting annoyed that means she's prob being clingy she's not giving you space you prob do love her, but you have't lost her yet to know how much

kevin2006 · Mar 20, 2007, 05:41 PM

Yea I understand where you guys are coming from... but I'm still kind of confused.. does anyone else have any comments.. I would really appreciate it

rosy_123 · Mar 20, 2007, 08:04 PM

Maybe you do need some time away to think all this through. Have you been in relationships before? Have you told someone you love them before? As far as trying to predict what she's going to say before she says it, no good. You're already putting a negative outcome on something that hasn't even happened, not good. You say you're not sure if you're getting bored or not, maybe try doing things together you don't normally do. Go out on more "dates" together. It's so easy to fall into that relationship rut thing where you always do the same thing. (dinner, movies, watch tv) put some effort into it! Couldn't hurt to try. Go to museums, go to shows, go on picnics, whatever.

kristynn · Mar 21, 2007, 07:16 AM

I think it might be possible not to love someone, yet wanting them to be with you. In this case, you might be very needy.

My theory is that if you really can't tell her that you love her, probably you don't feel that strong about her. You really seem like you haven't figured this out yet.

Concerning your relationship and your boredom, it sure takes a lot of effort and devotion to keep a relationship going! It seems like you're kind of lacking this...

rol · Mar 21, 2007, 07:34 AM

You have posted the same question after 8 months, then 9 months , then 10 months and now a year later.

Have you read all the other advice or tried to give yourself your own space and do more activities etc?

kevin2006 · Mar 21, 2007, 10:13 AM

Well our situation isn't helpful.. we are both in university and we are alwayz busy.. we spend most of our time in the library.. and there isn't much we can do on campus... she lives with her brothers so she can't see me in the evenings.. so its hard for us to do fun stuff outside school... right now I'm taking some space away from her... I told her we should be apart until this Friday... I don't know if this is a long time.. but when I'm away from her I start worrying about stuff like is she happy without me... I really really care about her.. sometimes I just feel like going and talking to her.. but I don't want to ruin it... sometimes I feel like I love her.. sometimes I don't... its very confusing... she is my first girlfriend... a couple of years ago I thought I really loved this girl... but it ended up really bad for me because I ended up depressed.. my girlfriend right now is very helpful... I don't know where I would be without her... she loves me.. maybe I feel she loves me too much... I like when she's mad at me... not really mad... but joking around and stuff... im sorry if I'm still frustrating all of you for posting the same question all the time.. but I'm really confused and I don't know what to do... thanx for your support

kristynn · Mar 21, 2007, 11:11 AM

It sounds to me that this relationship won't lead you anywhere. I honestly think you two are better off as friends. Just you saying "sometimes i feel like i love her..sometimes i don't" doesn't sound right to me. And if this has been going on for quite a while now (a year? ), isn't this enough to prove to yourself that something's just not OK?

One day, you'll find someone you'll really, really love and you won't have to come on this website asking us "do i love her?". I am sure that although your confusion, you know how much you "love" her; you simply must admit it.

You care about her; she cares about you. Fine!. but is it enough?

If you find my comments rude, I'm sorry. No intention! I'm just being honest...

kevin2006 · Mar 21, 2007, 12:19 PM

This hasn't been going on for a year... past 3 months... my feelings for her have been somewhat on and off... im thinking I need more space because she's too clingy sometimes... its weird though.. I want to love her... I want to be crazy in love with her... but sometimes I can't feel like that... I feel kind of lonely now too with the time apart... I don't want to make a big mistake just by listening to my head right now... ive made stupid mistakes by using my head

kristynn · Mar 21, 2007, 04:27 PM

When your heart doesn't respond, you'd better listen to your head! :rolleyes:

talaniman · Mar 21, 2007, 07:32 PM

You've been unsure of this relationship or yourself for sometime and really need to talk to your g/f about your futures. Indecision often comes when there is a lack of real communication. After a year there should be a lot of talking and listening. Confusion comes when there isn't.

Stunning07 · Mar 21, 2007, 08:08 PM

I'm really surprised your girlfriend has not got the intuiton about your feelins yet

rol · Mar 22, 2007, 02:00 AM

<<i'm really surprised your girlfriend has not got the intuiton about your feelins yet
>>
She most probably has and has gotten clingier and clingier over the last few months , therefore making things worse..

<<... she loves me.. maybe I feel she loves me too much... I like when she's mad at me... not really mad... but joking around and stuff.>>

Tell her that!! Sit down and tell her these things instead of taking "Space"!!
I'm sure she's getting nicer with you as she senses you are pulling away. Remember also love is not all about sparks!

And why do you keep bringing up that other girl from your past in your posts here, that is history.

kevin2006 · Mar 22, 2007, 08:28 AM

Thanks for your advice everyone.. I really appreciate it... thanx for your patience too... I don't know what I would do without your support

kevin2006 · Mar 23, 2007, 09:49 PM

I was doing some thinking and I think I may have stumbled upon my problem.. our anniversary is in a couple of days and I feel that because I wasn't experiencing the same type of love we had before now, it was a sign that something is wrong... and it was putting a lot of stress on me

sypher373 · Mar 23, 2007, 10:09 PM

Chances are, after a year your love is starting to become a comfortable more secure love, than a sparks flying honeymoon kind of love. Maybe that scared you because you mistakenly thought the love was gone?

Don't make the mistake of running when the sparks die down.

Talk talk talk - communication is what you need.

iscorpio · Mar 24, 2007, 11:55 AM

Originally Posted by kevin2006

Hi, i have a very confusing question thats been bothering me. recently ive been getting annoyed with my girlfriend who i have been with for almost 1 year. i felt like i couldnt talk to her properly and that i found myself trying to predict what she was going to say all the time. i told her i needed time away from her to think. i also told her i might be getting bored im not too sure. i was having doubts if i really loved her. but i dont want any other gurl but i just can't say that i do love her. is it possible not to love someone but really want that person to be with you?:confused:

yes it is possible cos they become your friend, I have a friend like this, that I spend so much time chatting to, really would hurt if they disappeared from my life but would no way want to be their partner. You have to work out in your mind how you really feel, you have to think of the annoying things that she does and then also you have to realise that love is about accepting people for who they are warts and all as no one on this earth is perfect, is also about give and take and compromise, then you look at what is really going on, is it cos you are not allowed to be the real you, cos you are trying hard to impress her, or is it cos yes you value her friendship but miss your single life. Only you can answer these questions but you must give yourself a pat on the head someone else may just have had affairs, at least you are trying to do the decent thing, yes there may be pain on both sides but hey at least you would have explored and discovered the real problem and maybe hopefully between the two of you, you can build a more honest and open relationship, communication is a keyword in any type of relationship.