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sashaleigh · Mar 27, 2013, 01:58 AM

I am 19 years old and I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. Me and my boyfriend had been together for 7 months, however this weekend he decided that he does not want me anymore. He finished with me on 3 separate occasions throughout the weekend and changed his mind each time, me being an idiot jumped at the chance of trying again! The third time he finished with me he dropped me of at my nans house because I had nowhere else I wanted to go, when I got out of the car he burst out crying and was very reluctant to let me leave, he then said I love you.

I went off thinking that was it and then the next day I went back to my room (I live in a house share) and there was a letter on the wall on the back of a photo of us both. It said stuff like 'I'm not willing to give up before I try everything in my power to make it work, only then we can give up. I just want to hold you and bump, I love you' etc. I was then relieved that we were going to be trying again. We met up the next night and parked along the sea front, I could tell something wasn't right. He then turned around and told me he doesn't want me, he's going to go in the army but didn't know how to tell me and that he is doing it now so he doesn't have to do it further down the line.

I have never been so confused in my entire life and I am completely heart broken. I'm worried about my babies health due to how stressed I have been. He still wants to be involved with the baby as much as he can but I don't know if I'm going to be able to be around him after him messing me around like this!

Also, if he could do this to me when he was supposed to love me more than anything ever then how do I know he won't let his baby down? We have a scan on Tuesday to find out the health as hopefully sex on Tuesday, will he change his mind on wanting me once he sees him/her on the screen? I don't have many people to talk too. No mum, no dad, not many real friends. I was with him every weekend, all weekend due to not being able to see him at all during the week so now that's not going to happen I don't know what I'm going to do. I need help :( my heart is in a million pieces.

tickle · Mar 27, 2013, 02:20 AM

This is unfortunate, and I hope he will come back, but look at it this way, you are carrying a lovely little baby who you have to hold up for. You won't be alone, you will have someone to nurture and tend to. But as you say, and you have to count on this, maybe he will come around permanently once he sees that little thing is actually there and tangible, making it real for him.

I hope it works out for you.

ScottGem · Mar 27, 2013, 03:20 AM

I feel your pain and there is very little advice I can give to relieve it. But I do want to point out one thing.

You can tell him that he will never be done with you. That you are creating a life together and whatever your future relationship is, you are bound together because of that life. Tell him also that whatever your future relationship, you will expect him to help support your child (and you will use the courts to ensure that) and to be a father to this child. So he better get his head around that.

joypulv · Mar 27, 2013, 03:39 AM

It sounds like he is horribly torn not just about love but also about responsibility. It probably hit him that he is expected to provide not just for himself, easy enough when you are young and can share flats and not need much of anything, but now suddenly he has THREE people to support. For 18 years!
I am not excusing him ditching you, just finding it understandable. Going into the military will teach him a skill and make him a more disciplined and responsible person. Hopefully your nan will allow you to live with her during the time he is gone, and that he will come back to you and your shared child.
Aside from that, I agree with Scottgem that you need to also be ready to go to court for support, and you should find out how to do that sometime soon.