[Gamer17]

I feel like everything I do in the relationship is a mistake.
I would like to know if I am really at fault or if there is some deeper issue between us that needs resolved?

My girlfriend and I have known each other for 10 years, but we have only been dating for 5. I recently proposed to her and she accepted. We spend time together every day, and share many interests in literature, movies, biking and eating out, but especially in gaming.

She is not as into gaming as I am, although she does enjoy it, and I respect that and always let her choose when and what we play together. I have been always clear that I do not like sports, or to go out dancing or to clubs. I don't drink, smoke or go to parties, and am not a very social person, unless family is involved.

The problems usually arise when we try to spend time together. It usually starts with her becoming bored, so she wants to do something. She doesn't want to do anything I want to usually, she wants to go out. If I tell her to go out by herself she refuses, and stays home, and becomes frustrated with my "cave-like existence". However if I go out with her, she complains that I'm not having enough fun, or happy enough. I tell her that I am just going out for her and that I am fine and she should enjoy herself, but things usually end in a fight. I never complain or do anything overt to say that I am not having fun, but she knows me so it doesn't work. If I try to act really happy and get into things, she thinks I am faking and that usually ends up in a fight.

I attempt to find things that we both can enjoy, but it seems she is never in the mood to do anything I want to. The problem is compounded by the fact that she can never TELL me anything that she wants. She always drops these hints and I have to try and guess. If I guess wrong, which is pretty much every time, we both end up unhappy. Sometimes I just ask her to tell me what she wants, and she always deflects the question with, "I don't know" or "not sure" kind of statements.

She will complain that I don't do things with her and when I get frustrated, she becomes angry with me for being frustrated. If I get mad or depressed she feels that it is always her fault somehow, and ends up blaming me for making her feel bad. It is almost as if everything I do creates a negative response in her. It's quickly moving to the point where I am having second thoughts. Are we going to be fighting about stupid things like this our whole lives?

Am I really so clueless as to what she wants or is this some attempt on her part to make me over into a different person, or what?

[whiteladybug2002]

It sounds like you are in a world of trouble! Your girlfriend sounds a lot like me! I feel for you, haha.

Women and men speak a different language so it makes it hard to communicate with one another about anything. When I tell my husband "I don't care" that usually means I do and you better figure out what it is. Why us women do this is beyond me? I do try to be direct with my husband instead of doing what you girlfriend does, but he still says I am Not being straight forward enough for him to understand. So maybe your girlfriend don't know she is doing this at all to you. Have you tried talking to her about I?

Plus, if you two are going to spend the rest of your lives together you have to learn that you are two different individual with two separate lives. You like staying home and gaming and she likes going out. You two don't have to spend ALL your time together! If you try to, it will end in disaster!

My husband is a home body and I am a very social go getter, so after 6 yrs of being together we have learned to have our own time and our "our" time. It works well for us! Before we learned that, we were knocking on divorce door!