[Blinking]

I am married for 7years now and there is not a day my husband had ask me for sex, I do the asking always. He wouldn't sleep in the same bed with me rather sleep on the coach this doesn't makes me feel happy and I've discuss this things with him that he should start coming closer for sex at least . However, he didn't change his attitude and I have feelings for sex most of the time so I decided to masturbate by looking pornography but I am worried if this is a sin or not. As a Christian this worries me a lot to sin before my Lord and with my body even in marriage. Please I need your advice and courage I am only 34 yrs and my husband is 55yrs what is best for me?

[tickle]

Most women, with a normal sex drives, masturbate. It is not a sin, as far as I know. Your husband is unusual if he acts like this. Your husband at 55 may be have some health issues, low libido. Would he agree to a doctors visit rule out these issues and take advice?

[dwashbur]

What Tickle said. Masturbation itself is not a sin, for either men or women. The question is what's in your heart and mind when you do. If it's simple release, no problem. If you're actively fantasizing about the guy on the screen, then it could get to be a problem. But I totally agree: your husband needs to see a doctor. Immediately if not sooner. There's something majorly wrong there, and it sounds like a physiological illness of some kind.

[Blinking]

Most women, with a normal sex drives, masturbate. It is not a sin, as far as I know. Your husband is unusual if he acts like this. Your husband at 55 may be have some health issues, low libido. Would he agree to a doctors visit rule out these issues and take advice?

Thanks ticket. I had told him to go see our family doctor but he keep saying nothing is wrong with him He won't go. I never masturbate in my life but he lead me to this, he is unusual and this is becoming some issue in our relationship. He brought me from Africa into Canada and with all this issue I told my parents but because in our family we doesn't divorce they keep telling me to be patient but I am not truly happy with my life as I never expect this to happen in my marriage. He is that man who wants to work and work work work work... No family time. Yet not the best home ever. Our daughter don't even goes to him whenever he comes back from working I will be the one to say go give daddy a huge. My Christianity life has gone down compare to when I was in Africa, the spirit of God burns in me like fire, highly fortified with God's present. Things changes when I came here, I came with good heart and faith but sometimes I see things not working and thought God has abandoned me or because of my sins toned away his face from me. My brothers and sisters in The Lord I need your advice more often in my life and marriage . How can I handle this situation when my husband refuses to visit a doctor?
Thanks all

[Blinking]

What Tickle said. Masturbation itself is not a sin, for either men or women. The question is what's in your heart and mind when you do. If it's simple release, no problem. If you're actively fantasizing about the guy on the screen, then it could get to be a problem. But I totally agree: your husband needs to see a doctor. Immediately if not sooner. There's something majorly wrong there, and it sounds like a physiological illness of some kind.

I cried whenever I finish masturbating because I don't like it I believe I should have been doing this with my husband. All I needed from masturbating is just the feelings. But my question is how long will I keep doing this in my life. At only 34 I am still on it and my husband at 55 not interested in sex, when he gets to 60 what happens? He fuses to see a doctor or take treatment or advice . If I don't have sex I don't feel happy should I be unhappy for the rest of my life because I doesn't wants to sin? I love God and this worries me. Is masturbating better than committing adultery? God have mercy on my soul

[dontknownuthin]

Most people masturbate. Some faiths, including my own, teach that it is sinful. Most educated people, even people of faith, recognize that church teachings are only partly the teaching of God, partly the teaching of men. In the case of this issue, I personally think calling masturbation a sin is ridiculous. It doesn't hurt anybody and has proven to be healthy in many ways.

On the other hand, an asexual husband is not normal, nor is sleeping on the couch. I wonder if your husband is gay but unable to face up to it or admit it to others. It could be something else but I think homosexuality is a real possibility.

[Blinking]

Most people masturbate. Some faiths, including my own, teach that it is sinful. Most educated people, even people of faith, recognize that church teachings are only partly the teaching of God, partly the teaching of men. In the case of this issue, I personally think calling masturbation a sin is rediculous. It doesn't hurt anybody and has proven to be healthy in many ways.

On the other hand, an asexual husband is not normal, nor is sleeping on the couch. I wonder if your husband is gay but unable to face up to it or admit it to others. It could be something else but I think homosexuality is a real possibility.

Thanks a lot but I don't think he is a gay. They most be something wrong that he doesn't wants me to know.
I had ask him so many times about why he doesn't like sex but he keep saying nothing he is fine. I am the 4th woman in his life maybe this attitude drove away those other women too.

[Cat1864]

Blinking, do you go to church? If so, I think you need to talk with your pastor/preacher/priest/father. I think there is a lot more you need to discuss than masturbation and you need someone you can talk to face-to-face to give you guidance according to the set of Beliefs you live by.

Each sect of Christianity interprets the Bible in slightly to vastly different ways. So do individuals.

I will say that I don't think you were crying because you 'sinned', but because your husband doesn't appear to believe in showing affection and intimacy. If everything is work to him, I think it is time to ask him why he married you and what his expectations for the marriage were and are. How did your marriage come about? Did you know each other in Africa or did you meet on-line?

[Blinking]

Blinking, do you go to church? If so, I think you need to talk with your pastor/preacher/priest/father. I think there is a lot more you need to discuss than masturbation and you need someone you can talk to face-to-face to give you guidance according to the set of Beliefs you live by.

Each sect of Christianity interprets the Bible in slightly to vastly different ways. So do individuals.

I will say that I don't think you were crying because you 'sinned', but because your husband doesn't appear to believe in showing affection and intimacy. If everything is work to him, I think it is time to ask him why he married you and what his expectations for the marriage were and are. How did your marriage come about? Did you know each other in Africa or did you meet on-line?

Curtis you're God sent. I am a Christian with a very strong believe in God, my parents are all in Africa, my oldest brother is a Pastor. I meet my husband online when I was in Africa where he came to get married to me and brought me here. I had ask him so many time about this issue even told his mother and friend to advice him for a change to satisfied his wife sexually but that didn't change anything, don't actually knows if they talked with him about this. We have being living together for 4yrs now but married 7yrs. I live in a very small city where I fellowship at a Pentecostal church, I haven't discuss this with my pastor because I don't know if it will be kept secretly but I had meet a counselor about this issue, they ask me to bring him along but he won't come telling me that he will change but he never did.
I will be willing to take this face to face with someone if it will be kept .

[classyT]

Cat,

You took the words right out of my mouth. Excellent answer

Blink

There is nowhere in the bible that says masturbation is a sin so stop condemning yourself. There IS instructions to husbands and wives and they are NOT to withhold sex from one another. Therefore if anyone is in sin.. I'd take a look at your husband. Especially if you have talked to him about it and he has done nothing. That is HORRIBLE. Even if he has a medical reason he owes you an explanation.

Romans 8:1 There is therefore NOW NO condmenation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

The best way to stay in your cycle is to condmen yourself. ( read Romans 7) Masterbating is only a symptom of a much bigger problem. You aren't evil,sinful and wrong. I completely agree with Cat... you need to talk to someone that can give you good biblical counsel.

[Blinking]

Cat,

You took the words right out of my mouth. excellent answer

Blink

There is nowhere in the bible that says masterbation is a sin so stop condemning yourself. There IS instructions to husbands and wives and they are NOT to withhold sex from one another. Therefore if anyone is in sin..I'd take a look at your husband. Especially if you have talked to him about it and he has done nothing. That is HORRIBLE. Even if he has a medical reason he owes you an explanation.

Romans 8:1 There is therefore NOW NO condmenation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

The best way to stay in your cycle is to condmen yourself. ( read Romans 7) Masterbating is only a symptom of a much bigger problem. You aren't evil,sinful and wrong. I completely agree with Cat...you need to talk to someone that can give you good biblical counsel.

Thanks a lot I appreciate your advice I might divorce if this persist

[Wondergirl]

I had meet a counselor about this issue, they ask me to bring him along but he won't come telling me that he will change but he never did.
I will be willing to take this face to face with someone if it will be kept .

Are you still meeting with this counselor? I hope so. If you aren't, I urge you to go back and continue with the sessions. I am a counselor and will suggest ways to help you encourage your husband to come with you in the future.

I am the daughter of a pastor and am also a former Lutheran school teacher and Bible class teacher. My younger son belongs to a Pentecostal church in Illinois and my sister belongs to one in SC, so I know their teachings too. I do agree with Cat and classyT that masturbation is not a sin, but withholding sex from a spouse is definitely not a good and healthy thing for a marriage. I too wonder if he has physical or emotional difficulties. Did the two of you ever have problems and he could not complete the sex act, or did this begin suddenly? Can you remember anything that might have upset him or made him angry that he now says no to you?

How do the two of you get along in general?

[dwashbur]

Is masturbating better than committing adultery?

YES!

Do what you need to do. I understand about your family's beliefs regarding divorce, but you have to do what is best for you. Seeing a counselor is very good, so keep doing that. If he insists there's nothing wrong, there isn't much you can do. I hate to say it, but if you're sleeping on the couch already, it may be necessary to move out for a time. Sometimes it's the only way you can get your own head together in order to address the other problems effectively. I know that from painful experience. Your situation may or may not come to that, but don't dismiss it as a possible option. Again, you have to do what is best for you.

[Journey5gurl]

Masturbation... like it or not... is a sin.

But it's normal for women to do it. Especially during the teen years. Don't let your husband guilt you if you want to do it, but it is still a sin.

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[dwashbur]

Masturbation...like it or not....is a sin.

What's your basis for saying this?

[Wondergirl]

Masturbation...like it or not....is a sin.

What is your reasoning on this?

[hauntinghelper]

Masturbation...like it or not....is a sin.

But it's normal for women to do it. Especially during the teen years. Don't let your husband guilt you if you want to do it, but it is still a sin.

-------------------------------------------

The bible does not say that masturbation is a sin... only that lust outside of marriage is.

[Blinking]

Are you still meeting with this counselor? I hope so. If you aren't, I urge you to go back and continue with the sessions. I am a counselor and will suggest ways to help you encourage your husband to come with you in the future.

I am the daughter of a pastor and am also a former Lutheran school teacher and Bible class teacher. My younger son belongs to a Pentecostal church in Illinois and my sister belongs to one in SC, so I know their teachings too. I do agree with Cat and classyT that masturbation is not a sin, but withholding sex from a spouse is definitely not a good and healthy thing for a marriage. I too wonder if he has physical or emotional difficulties. Did the two of you ever have problems and he could not complete the sex act, or did this begin suddenly? Can you remember anything that might have upset him or made him angry that he now says no to you?

How do the two of you get along in general?

I don't know if there is something I did that upset him I do ask him all the time if I did wrong but he will say no you're the best woman in my life. Therefore I asked him why you're romantically connected with me, sometimes no answer sometimes he said too many things going on with his business and things are not right. He has being saying this for the pass 4yrs now. He doesn't sleep in the same bedroom with me. He said nothing wrong his sex life that he won't go see a doctor or counselor for marriage advice. This whole situation is making me unhappy with my life.

[tickle]

What's your basis for saying this?

Yes I would be interested in knowing this too

[tickle]

Masturbation...like it or not....is a sin.

But it's normal for women to do it. Especially during the teen years. Don't let your husband guilt you if you want to do it, but it is still a sin.

-------------------------------------------

Would you mind explaining your statement. Why do you think masturbating is a sin?