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moss1991 · Jan 24, 2013, 12:07 AM

I'm a young Hindu guy, 21. I recently met a hindu woman whilst at work. We started talking more and more and eventually we are now boyfriend and girlfriend. We've been dating for 2 months, unofficially though for around 4 months.

However, the person she was with before me was a muslim. And I can't get over that. I tried so hard to get her to realise that he was pretty much cheating on her, he never treated her right but she is one of those people who takes a long time to let go.

Eventually though she has let go, and she says she has never been happier with me and stuff. But I just can't get over it, I know my future lies with her... but her being with a muslim and making that decision before me just kills me. I know people are going to say 'religion doesn't matter'. But it's very different with hindus/muslims. Added to that, he cheated on her, he never respected her.

She is very devout, and very respectful... but the main thing that eats at me was she was actually going to give it a chance when she even says herself she knew it wouldn't have worked out. How can I get over this? I love this women but this just nags at me...

odinn7 · Jan 24, 2013, 12:16 AM

It happened before you. Let it go.

I see a lot of this where guys get upset over their girlfriends past and it makes no sense to me. It all happened before you so you either accept it and deal with it or you break up and let her find someone that doesn't think it is such a big deal.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 24, 2013, 01:58 AM

You seem to have a need to make her feel it was wrong "make her feel bad" why do you wish to hurt her if you love her.

Guess you need to get a resume on the next one and leave this one, since you have concerns not only how the person felt, how they actually treatd them, just by the title of their religion.

The girl has nothing to do at this point, you either get over it, or leave her

FightingBlues · Jan 24, 2013, 09:08 AM

Whether we like it or not, everyone comes with a past (good or bad). It comes with the package. If she is completely over him and unwilling to go back, then what is really the problem then? Take this time to be happy with one another instead of consuming your time thinking about them. Otherwise, you will unknowingly continue to hurt her for something that is no longer a part of her life. Embrace the present and pave the way for your future. Try not to reflect on something that is out of your control and work hard at sustaining a healthy relationship with her. If you let this dominate your thoughts, you will inevitably push her farther away from you which is the opposite result you want. Hopefully she recognizes how disrespectful he was to her and uses that as a lesson as to how a man should treat her from this day forward. This past relationship, regardless of religion or circumstance, has nothing to do with you. He is an entirely different person. Just accept it.

Oliver2011 · Jan 24, 2013, 09:24 AM

I totally agree with Fr_Chuck.

You have a choice to make. Get over it and continue with her. Don't and don't continue with her. When you meet someone you don't get to determine someone's past.

Maybe your opening line to the next girl should be: "I would like to ask you out, but tell me everything in your past first." I see a life of single in your future.

FightingBlues · Jan 24, 2013, 09:52 AM

Yes, I agree. You don't want her to look at you as someone who didn't treat her well like her ex boyfriend. If you continue to use her past against her, she will feel like you're punishing her for it. But is it really fair to punish someone for something that they have no control of ever changing? Either find the power within yourself to put her past in the past, or end this relationship before your feelings about her ex worsen. She doesn't deserve to be trapped in a relationship that is emotionally and mentally draining. Bottom line-- just do the right thing. Good luck!