[amberlou]

I'm not sure if the last version posted so sorry if you find two.

My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years basically always puts his friends first and I'm sick of it. I want to come before beer and the boys. Not all the time as I know that having our own lives is important but he always finds time and cash for them when he's skint or too busy for me and will often drop plans with me for them. Most of the time he doesn't even ask if I mind or tell me I either have to find out or can@t get hold of him.

We've spoken about it and I've been very clear about what I want and how I feel, he admitted he had been an idiot lately and needed to change his behaviour as he'd started to cause drama for no reason and pick fights too. But nothing seems to hae changed and I'm not sure how much more I can take. I can't help but think that being single and free may not give me the comfort of someone knowing me like he does and treating and caring for me the way he normally does but it won't cause the drama and stress.

How long should I give him or any other advice?

[Alty]

This is something you have to decide. We can't decide it for you. But, from reading your post, it sounds like the only reason you're staying with him is because you're afraid to be alone.

If you can't tolerate how he treats you, then it's better to be alone, even though he's comfortable, familiar, and it's scary to leave, do you see a future with him? If the answer is no, based on how he's acting now, then leaving is the best option.

There's an old saying. Women marry men hoping that they'll change, and men marry women hoping they'll never change. You can't change him. What you see is what you get. If you can't live with how he is, then it's best to move on.

[amberlou]

I would very much love a future with him just not always being second best I think I deserve that much, he neer used to always make me the back up plan so I don't get why now. I honestly don't want 4/7 with him just some consideration.

[Alty]

I'm very passive aggressive (something I don't recommend) so my way of handling this would probably be to do the same thing to him, make plans and then cancel, hang out with your friends instead. Let him know how it feels. But, like I said, it's not the best plan, just what I would do.

The bottom line is this. You have to decide if you can live with the way he's treating you, or not, because it's unlikely that he'll change.

[amberlou]

I guess that makes you and me both as this is one of the first things that crossed my mind too.

[Alty]

I guess that makes you and me both as this is one of the first things that crossed my mind too.

Trust me, it's a road to destruction. It never ends up the way you planned. In fact, most of the time you get the exact opposite reaction you expected.

It's much better to talk things through. But, you've already done that, to no avail.

There are times when we have to cut your losses, chalk it up to a learning experience, and find something else. I know it's hard, especially after 5 1/2 years together. You're used to having him around, you're comfortable with him. But, can you live with his behavior for life? Is this something you can accept? If the answer is no, then you have no choice but to move on, because really, no matter what you do or say, he won't change unless he wants to, and it's obvious that he doesn't want to.

I know it's a hard thing to accept, but isn't it better to leave now, than to marry, have a few kids, and then realize you made a mistake, that you can't live with the things he does?

[Fr_Chuck]

He is already single, and you just don't see it. He goes and does what he wants, when he wants, and where he wants with no regard to you.

You are not in a relationship with a adult, you are with a teenage boy at least the way he is acting, I would say that a separation may help, make him realise he has to treat you like a lover or partner not a roommate