[npsb1979]

I'm planning to leave my fiancé and move from Oregon to California. I was advised to leave a note and take our kid with. Legal or not? Its not the route I want to take for the sake of my daughter. But I also can't leave her behind and don't want to. If I give him notice I'm leaving he can stop me. If I don't I know he'll file for an emergency custody order and regain her anyway. Can I be ordered to stay in Oregon even after the custody had been determined? I've been told they don't like when you leave your child: how could a mother leave her kid. Ive also been told if I do he'll get her right back and I'll have monitored visitation because I'll be a flight risk. I'm scared and confused! Any advise?.

[askmebmf]

[I]f you are still married I think there will be no charge on kidnapping (confirm with a lawyer), but leaving without your kid is not a good idea when going through a divorce, and it does look bad in court.
If your ex a danger to you or to your kid? If so, file a complaint immediatelly. He cannot stop you from going anywhere, but yes, he may stop you from taking your kid with you.
I don't know how old your kid is, but divorce may not have traumatic effects if both parents are civilized to each other (at least in front of the kid). You may not agree on many issues, but forced separation like that will not help your case in the future (even if its legal), and that can be used against you in the future by an upset ex and a hormone full teenager.
Think twice before doing anything so abrupt in the heat of the moment. Think what's best for the kid. If your ex is not aggressive or a danger to 1 or both of you, do think twice.

[ScottGem]

Sounds like you have been given accurate advice.

The one question you didn't answer is whether your fiancée is the legal father? Is he on the birth certificate or is there a signed acknowledgement of paternity? I gather from your post that there has been no legal determination of custody which would mean you currently have equal rights to the child.

The only way there would be a kidnapping issue is if you move without telling the father where you move to. As long as you keep in contact there should not be a kidnapping charge.

However, until you establish residency in another state (which usually takes a minimum of 6 months), he can file for custody in OR and, very likely, win primary custody. So, your best bet is to file for primary custody and permission to move. Whether you get it our not will depend on a lot of factors, How far away you are moving (OR and CA are neighboring states), how active a father he has been, why you are moving and more.

If you can convince a court that this move will benefit the child, you may get permission.

[Fr_Chuck]

The one issue not covered if you leave, he can within a short time file in court in his state, for custody. You will have to return to the old state and fight it there.

It is very possible if he files soon enough, you may be ordered to return the child to that state and/or move back to be with child.

So yes you can move, but yes it is possible he could make you move back or at least send the child back