[t116885]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2 years and are having sex. However, he is in the army so we only see each other, (and have sex) at weekends.

I recently discovered he watches porn when he is away and have been having mixed feeling about it. We have spoken about it and I understand that he sometimes needs an outlet and I’m not there and I’d much rather he watched videos than cheated, but part of me still feels uncomfortable and I’m not sure why. I know he watches things we never do and I have put weight on recently so it makes me feel inferior or second best; like I’m not as good as the porn.

There is no way I could always be there and I don't think it is fair for me to ask him to stop. I know he's not watching every day, just if we got a week or two apart.

Should I be feeling awkward? Or am I over reacting? I’d just really appreciate another opinion on the matter. This is my first long term and long distant relationship and I don't know if other people are in the same situation.

Thank you :)

[Alty]

We have this issue on this site all the time. Porn is probably asked about more than the ever famous "am I pregnant" questions.

Many a war has been started on threads like yours, but you seem to be ready to listen to advice, so I'll give it a shot and hope for the best. :)

Do you watch chick flicks, read romance novels? If so, guess what, you're also watching and reading porn.

Guys are visual. To a guy, porn is about entertainment, release. It has nothing to do with how they feel about their partner, or about the sexual things they fantasize about doing in real life. It's all just for release, entertainment, and it really means no more than it does when you watch a chick flick, or read a romance novel.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel inferior, or to feel like second best. The porn has nothing to do with you, or his feelings for you.

[backpack2389]

If I were you, I'd be happy he's only watching it when you're away. I think that's pretty good.

[t116885]

I think one of the main problems I had before was not understanding why, but you made it quite clear, thank you!

If I were you, I'd be happy he's only watching it when you're away. I think that's pretty good.

Yes I suppose that is a good point. I feel better now, thank you:)

[smoothy]

Guys are visual.. we ALL like watching porn... its got nothing to do with you.. its how we are wired. Its no different than Chick flicks , soap operas or romance novels to a females brain.

THose stimulate the female mind the same way porn stimulates a mans brain.

Watching porn is not equal to chasing women... the former is an innocent undertaking... the latter isn't. And doing one doesn't mean he will be doing the other. In fact doing one may reduce his desire to do the other in your absence...

[Enigma1999]

Just relax. Take it easy.

I agree with backpack. He could be using other ways/people as an outlet, but he seems to want to be with you.

Men are very visual. Where as most women are not. By that I mean I get easily turned on when I watch... I don't know... Basic Instinct. The first one, not part 2. I fell asleep in the Theater watching part 2. Yeah... it was that bad... but anyway, a lot of women like to read a steamy romance novel, while others enjoy certain movies.

There are many people who watch porn. Men and women.

If you start putting restrictions on porn, that might create conflict between the both of you.

[laurelreid]

I know what you feel. I'm in a long distance relationship and I only see him every few months and he's told me he watches porn.

First of all, don't feel inferior! There's no way a real, live girl could be worse than a computer screen. Keep telling yourself that.

If you're uncomfortable that he's watching things you've never done, next time you have sex, ask him what his fantasies are. See what you can do. Maybe even watch a video together and make fun of it (my boyfriend and I did that in broad daylight with other people in the room, it was hysterical and made me much more comfortable with the idea of him watching it)

I wouldn't feel awkward about it. I'm very close with my boyfriend's friends and had an open discussion with them when I found out about it--they said mostly guys watch or have watched porn and it in no way influences how they feel about their girls. They'd much rather have sex with someone who they love and know love them than some random chick they saw in a porn video. My boyfriend said that if I ever made a porn video, he'd watch it every time instead of the random ones he watches... I'd never do it, but it was comforting.

I can't expect him to go months without any sexual contact, and I'd much rather it be to a computer screen than another girl.