[thoughtsplz]

My boyfriend is my best friend and we've known each other for years now but just recently started dating. Well I met him through my sister, they were off and on as friends and now that he's in my life they just started to hang out again. I know I have jealousy problems and I'm working on them, but I feel really uncomfortable that my sister and my boyfriend hang out. They were friends and I try to be as understanding as possible, but they go out to lunch and just randomly hang out without me - he'll sit in her room while she studies and literally does nothing (weird... Isn't that a waste of time?)... I've talked to both of them about it and they said that I would never have to worry about anything, they are just friends.

It's been eating at me for a couple weeks now and I just wanted to get people's opinions on the situation. I'm in my twenties just starting life as an adult. This man is truly amazing and important to me and so is my sister. He has this lovingness to him that he wants to help everyone - that's just the way he is. Am I sitting on this too much and I should not worry about it, or is there a way I can talk with them saying that I'm uncomfortable with their dates without me or something.. So lost... :(

[indya]

I remember being in your shoes... In my case, I use to freak out and start worrying whenever my boyfriend was chatting with my sister. I used to be a little jealous and very curious. Wanted to know what were they talking about. Its natural. Just don't make it a bitter habit. I see you've already told your sister and boyfriend how you feel, that's good.

Just keep your cool and trust your loved ones. But yes, be cautious too, if you want, draw a line somewhere and ask your boyfriend never to cross it.

[bullski_69]

That's not cool at all! I'd tell him to cut it out or see you later! First talk to your sis and tell her to stop it. It's really weird! From a mans perspective anyway! My girlfriend has a really hot sister, reallly cool girl too, but I never hang out with her or even talk to her except when I'm with the family, certainly don't hv phone number!

[thoughtsplz]

I'm really appreciative of your feedback especially getting it from different point of views. I try to think there is nothing wrong but it doesn't help and I'm glad to see that others agree. I would like there to be a line between my sister and boyfriend that they can respect even if they are friends, and I believe it's completely resonable.

Is there anyone else out there that can relate, or have an opposite opinion? I'm really open to hearing multiple sides. Thanks!

[odinn7]

I can't say much on this other than I would think that the both of them would have more respect for you than to be doing this. Even if they aren't doing anything wrong, they should realize how this looks to you and maybe other people. I mean really, he hangs out in her room? They go out to lunch? Even if you're not an overly jealous or suspicious person, that does look weird and probably puts you in an uncomfortable spot.

It seems that they should respect you a little bit more and just try not to give you reasons to get upset. You should try talking to them and if they can't see your point of view, and keep doing this, then you will need to decide how much this bothers you and how much you trust either one or both of them.

[talaniman]

You are uncomfortable with trusting the two most important people in your life? Man is that messed up? You could see this as a blessing they get along so great, or you could make this a big deal. Maybe dealing with your own discomfort would be a more productive thing than projecting it on them.

Sometimes there are other personal stresses at work that make simple things so complicated, but not knowing more its hard to say whether there is something to worry about, or not. You certainly have given no facts that would lead to your worries at all, so I have to believe its more you, and the way you manage your own feelings than them and hanging out without you, which I have always done with my own sisters in laws, we have always gotten on great, and the wife has never been uncomfortable.

Your sister has reassured you, and I think until you have a solid reason to not trust her, or him for that matter, you let this go. Probably because she has known him longer, you may have reservations about their relationship, but the other side of this is you are with him now, so be reassured with that. Over time, you will feel better because you will know him better, as its obvious you have not been dating very long, and its normal to be leery early on in the dating process.

Don't let these feelings of discomfort make you jealous of your own sister. But over time talk to your boyfriend, rationally, reasonably, and calmly, as you get to know each other enough to set some boundaries of good behavior that you both can agree on, because like you said, they have been friends for years, and are older than you, and you maybe haven't dated that long so have no experience in such relationships. This is a first.

Anybody would be uncomfortable, but time brings understanding, and a comfort that you don't have now. Let it work naturally, and it will work for the best. As long as you don't get carried away by your own discomfort, and try to change the behavior of others because of it. Or get overly jealous, of your sister, or possessive of your new boyfriend.

That's always the down side of dating a friend of a brother, or sister. Manage your feelings in a mature way, enjoy, and see what happens. For now any way, as you stay cool, calm, and collected, and under control. As things progress, if they do, then you will be able to better define how YOU handle things, with facts and not JUST feelings.