[DaniiLuvsUx3]

I have this boyfriend who I am so completely head over heels about, the only problem is that he is so incredibly insecure and jealous, he's also very controlling and filled with double standards... basically all our problems started because I had this friend (who was a guy) we will call him kyle, he has been a friend of mine for years, we have been through so much together, from breakups to bad days to cancer... we have always been there for each other, never once in our friendship have things gone past that... there was never any other feelings than friendship, in all reality he became the big brother I never had. When I met my boyfriend I was straight up with him, I told him about kyle and he was fine with it. I had also told him that I had a few other male friends, wich in my generation is normal... apparently not in his, I stopped talking to all my guy friends... and it didn't bother me, I didn't however stop talking to kyle, I had told my boyfriend that I would never stop talking to him, he was fine with that. But after a little while I noticed that every time I would talk to kyle it would bother him, I did not want him upset, so I thought I would just not tell my boyfriend when kyle would call, unless it got brought up, just to keep the peace. ( I now know that was not the right move) he found out one day and it became a huge fight, I apologized and admitted that I shouldn't have done that, no big deal. He than proceeded to telling me that if I loved him at all and wanted to be with him that I would call kyle and tell him I want nothing to do with him and to not talk to me any more. (one thing you should know about my boyfriend, is that when he's mad... he mean, the things that come out of hi mouth are disgusting and makes me feel like I'm doing wrong, he manipulates you) so of course I call kyle and I tell him, afterwards I felt horrible, I began to cry, he than accuses me of crying because there was something more beetween us and that's why I'm upset, that I would not be upset like this over just a friend. I explained to him that I'm upset because to me, that was a mean thing to do and I have never been a mean person. Eventually that issue kind of dies down. A week or two goes by and I'm now getting accused of cheating and he calls me a whore and ugly and tells me I'm stupid. And that's the nice stuff he was saying, nothing I could do made him feel better, he was so paranoid I was talking to tons of guys behind his back and sleeping with guys at my job (I work at a hotel) it just became too much and a fight broke out, it got very bad, and he got very physical... I was so brusied and cut up I wasn't ablke to go to work for days (this happened twice within two days)... he felt horrible, he wanted me to call the cops on him. I didn't. He took care of my "battle wounds" every night cleaned them put ice on it... I could tell he felt guilty... after about a week after that we argued again, about the same , and like every other time he told me to leave and get out, compared me to his ex... this time I did leave... I packed my stuff up and left, I went as far as moving out... I told him I was afraid of him, afraid of being alone in that house with him and that we have things to work on. And we did, we stayed apart for a little while working on us, he started making an effort, with me with my family( I have a huge very close family) and we eventually got back together. I eventually moved back in and things were never better, yes we had our arguments but normal relationship ones, BUT he would still make comments, still accusing me of cheating, making me get proof from work that I was there, still comparing me to his ex, still putting me down and making me feel horrible... but would only do this when he would get mad... and he would get mad for no reason... with things I have no control over... the other day we got home, it was late and I had gotten a letter in the mail from my dr.office, unfortuanitly I somehow got hpv... don't know how or where or from who, mainly because its so commen and there scarcely symptoms for it... for all we know I got it from my boy friend... at first everything was fine, until the next morning, we woke up and I had remembered my grandmother who lives down the road from us had asked me to come over. Me and him share a car, so I asked him to drop me off before he went to work, and he flipped... all of a sudden I'm the reason were tight on cash and the reason the cars getting old, the reason he's been stressed out and in his own words " the reason he prolly has some skanky sti" and at that point I physically couldn't take any more... I had lost my mind I started crying and yelling and freaking out, and I couldn't stop. I wasn't saying anything mean to him or anything like that basically asking him over and over how much more am I supposed to do for him to make him happy... he of course got pissed and told me to pack my , he said he didn't care about me any more that he wants a life without me, and a lot of mean things... long story short I went to my grandmothers and was texting him... he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me, he told me the way I acted was disgusting and he can't be with a girl like that. I begged him for hours not to leave me, the second I gave up he wanted me back, but than would change his mind whenever I would say something he didn't like, I told him I can't live without him and he said good he wishes I would die, that broke me down... I didn't know what to say, so basically for the last few days we've been arguing over text, I've been staying at my familys, he says he does want to be with me and I think I finally have him understanding why I flipped out, but I'm so lost and confused right now I don't know what to do... I am so in love with him, I have never known another person I've had so much in commen with and when we arnt arguing, which is a lot more than you probably think, its amazing, he's everything I could have ever wanted... and he knows me more than anybody... I need help... I need to know what I should do to make this relationship work... please...

[LightCross]

I don't think getting back with him would make you better, I won't recommend getting back to a person who would abuse you every time and putting mental pressure on you. Rather than giving your love to him I suggest giving your love to yourself by not returning back to him, you deserve a better guy and healthy life. In some case, love( the bad one in this case ) can act like a drugs, no matter how much you drink it you won't feel satisfied and you want more, you keep seeing your partner's strong point and turn your eyes blind from bad things he does to you, this pattern is well, deadly. So yeah cut off this 'drug'

[DaniiLuvsUx3]

As hard as it is I know this is what I should do, it just sucks because we have built a life together, now if I leave him I will have nothing because I gave up everything to be with him, but you are right, I appreciate you taking the time to help me with this. I kind of really needed an outside point of veiw about this, he has become my drug of choice and its time to get clean...

[LightCross]

Glad to be able to help , don't say you will have nothing though, you have your family and friends there to help you, and you can make a lot of new friends after you get yourself ;'clean', take it as the beginning not as an end, I wish you best of luck