[SweetPea95]

I feel like I'm completely losing it! My dad says I'm full of rage and my mom says I'm full of confusion. And I had a huge fight with my mom, dad, and boyfriend all at the same time which was WAY over whelming. My family is going through a divorce for the second time, my mother is going through cancer. It feels like I got to hold down the house by myself because my mother is sick and my sister doesn't do anything worth jack. My boyfriend is wanting to see me but I haven't seen him over a month. I almost lost my love of my life over this. I don't want to lose him. He and my parents just can't get along at all.
I just want this all to work out so Everyone can be happy!
I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING, AND END UP CRYING AT NIGHT! Please help.
Am I losing my mind, or is just covered by all this stress and confusion?

[alegnasavilo14]

Sounds pretty chaotic for you right now. If you are full of rage, I can see why. However, it sounds like you may be depressed. I would seek medical attention or counseling to get to the root of the problem. If you parents don't get along with your boyfriend there are probably reasons that is..
I couldn't imagine how hard it is to take care of your mom and her cancer. That is big enough to emotionally drain anyone. Sounds like your sister needs a reality check. This may sound cliché, but it's true " Life is short" and to truly appreciate the worth of family you may need to sit down alone and think, think about how YOUR life would be without your parents, what would it be like to be ALONE. Your sister should do the same. Sometimes spending a moment alone can really bring some clarity to your life and how you can make changes for the better. You say you haven't seen your boyfriend for about a month, why is that? IF he is the one causing tension and you know if he is or not, don't make excuses. Eliminate the problem for as hard as it may be. Your mom needs you right now, and if her cancer is the "terminal" kind then you need to spend the time taking care of her, that way in the end you can say you did everything you could do as a daughter. It just sounds like there isn't a lot of positive communication. It's almost like there is more "talking and not enough " listening", and it goes both ways, your parents need to listen to what bothers you and you need to listen to them too. Then compare and see how you can come to a healthy medium. Try it :) it may surprise you when it works :)) good luck

[SweetPea95]

My mother just doesn't trust us. SHE thinks that she needs to baby sit us and only her. His mother is as strict as her. ALSO my bf's grandmother is living with him and she is TWICE as strict. My mom is going to look into a counselor. What I want to do is have us all sit down and talk because... I feel like I'm going to snap bigger than I have been and I don't want to hurt anyone. I know what anger does. It destroys anything in it's path and that's what it makes you think. You could be mad as heck and go on a rampage and not realize until all the damage is done. I just don't want that to happen. :(

[alegnasavilo14]

What have you done for your mom to not trust you two? There has to be something, because as a parent myself, something has to actually happen for me not to trust someone. Once you break trust it's so hard to gain it back.
At least you have just admitted you are angry, that is a start. For you to "want" to actually sit down to discuss it is also a step in the right direction. I don't know how old you are, but if you're a teenager, that is unheard of. No teen wants to actually do that, so I admire you in wanting to try.
DON'T SNAP! Whatever you do, OK? I understand how hard this may be for you, but remember, there is ALWAYS a consequence for ones actions and hurting someone whether you meant to or not won't hold up in the eyes of the law, so think before you act.
Im having a trust issue with my step child, but that is because she is a pathological liar. So see I have reason to not trust her. Just as your mom and his mom have trust issues with you two. This world is so cruel, and it's not getting any better. As a parent I too shelter my kids from the dangers, but more so because youngsters don't have the mental capacity to understand those dangers and all we want to do is protect you kids. You know what I mean?

[SweetPea95]

We done the worst that a teen could do last year... BUT THAT WAS LAST YEAR. She is so hooked on the past. She connects my life with her. And she says my boyfriend acts like my dad when he was younger. I keep telling her that he isn't my dad... she doesn't trust people very well... and she hates me being on this site. She is being way over protective in my eyes. I'm going to be 18 in 5 months. I understand she is trying to protect me but keeping me away from my boyfriend that I've known since freshman year of high school is ridiculous. That's what sets me off the most. In ways I'm dumb yes, but in other ways I am VERY intelligent for my age

[alegnasavilo14]

Well I can honestly tell you that if that worst thing was " having sex" then I can certainly understand her concern. It's not that it's so bad, but it's that you're so young.. we try to prevent the inevitable. All you can do is re-assure her as well as yourself that you are being careful, and SAFE. As parents we NEVER forget no matter how much time has gone by.. just so you know ;) just to get a better understanding, how was your dad acting as compared to your boyfriend?

As far as her not liking you being on this site, I can understand that too. The web can be a dangerous place, since you never know who you are talking to. Im a mom, and I would be a bit leery too. I don't think she is being overprotective, because it's a natural instinct to want to keep your kids safe. She is dealing with a lot with cancer, and to have kids misbehaving or just having to worry about them is another ball of stress. Its' hard to stay positive when you get the news of cancer, can you understand that? You need to help keep her spirits lifted. Maybe your boyfriend needs to prove his worth in order for her to see that you two CAN be responsible. You're only 17 so you have to be a bit more open minded when it comes to what and how your parents deal with growing kids. We were there too you know, and we know what happens, we know the urges, we know the pressures of being teenagers. So remember that too.

You just need to let your mom know that you are going to prove that you can be a responsible young adult, but you need to actually do this OK don't just say it, and ask if she will let you prove it to her. You sound wise, but yet still naïve to world. So just be careful. Time is the only thing that can prove this :)

[SweetPea95]

Haha my mom and grandma say the same thing "time can only prove it" I been trying to prove it but I snap because I don't get rewarded for my good behavior. And all my sister does is have her dang face into the computer and iPod.
My dad was very controlling over my mother... we were even abusive :( but my boyfriend isn't abusive... yes he can be controlling at times but that is when I not behaving and not wanting to go to bed. I like a vampire I love staying up late and getting up early. From my view I think she thinks he just like my father but he isn't. She keeps bringing up the bruises he gave me last year BUT that was because I bit him first during lunch. We were just playing so that was my fault in the first place. He is very sweet... he might be a big guy. But really he is a HUGE teddy bear.. I think she just doesn't see that side of him.

[SweetPea95]

He is so sweet he is going to walk 2 miles to the school and wait for the bus with me for just 10 minutes. I never had a love that would do that for me. People thinks he so big and strong they don't think of the soft side that he has.

[alegnasavilo14]

Well I think when you get bruises the first time, you will definitley get them again. Whether it be your fault or not. I speak from experience too, I thought my oldest son's dad was a great guy, and he was, unless he was high. I noticed he was very irritable and paranoid and his moods would change in a second. One moment he would be so lovey dovey and the next he would be so mean and threaten to stab me. Needless to say he is in prison now and has been for 12 yrs.
I know they have it in them to be good people, BUT if you are seeing him as controlling then you really need to get out of the relationship it already sounds toxic to me. My husband now isn't controlling, jealous, or anything like that which is very refreshing from the last one. It's nice to be treated like a princess, with respect and love. Not like a possession. NOBODY controls anybody! Period. You may really love him, and that is OK, however sometimes severing the ties is the hardest thing to do, BUT it's the "right" thing to do. Have you ever heard the expression " If you love it, set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be"? That is really true, sometimes we have to do what is right. My dad has always told me to follow my heart, which I have. I use my intuition to make my decisions and your heart will never lead you astray. But the mind plays tricks on you, you can't always listen to your head.
Yea your boyfriend may walk 2 miles to see you for 10 minutes, and you may think that is cute, but have you thought that maybe he does it to " check up" on you?? That has to have crossed your mind right? And if it has, then I think you know deep down he isn't the right person for you.
I think honestly you keep him around because he is the one you run to when things get bad, he is the one that is there for you, that can be a dangerous thing, he uses that to keep you too. It's like manipulation, he knows you will come running, and he also knows what to say/do to keep you from leaving.
I can understand your mom's concern now. That fact that he is a big guy is even harder to fathom, he can really hurt you if he you piss him off enough. Even though I don't know you, I am already concerned as well. She has GREAT reason to worry about you with this guy. Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth.
As far as you doing good, I think they need to start rewarding you, especially if it's consistent :) you deserve a pat on the back, but if your anything like my stepdaughter who ditches class and then goes to two days and think that is worth a pat on the back then sorry it's not :/ If they don't reward you, then reward yourself :) Your sister sounds like she is just being young... my nieces are constantly on their phones, or Ipods too. It can be pretty annoying, but they are kids being kids.
I think you need to do some soul searching my dear, and really think about YOU, and what is best for YOU. Do you read? Perhaps you might want to read up on things that trigger your anger and resolve and / or eliminate that from your life. I can tell you right now, " Negativity tears away the soul" the more negativity you are surrounded with, the more you will get sucked into it and you will become a miserable person. Life ismeant for learning and being happy. I too have had to cut off my own sister from my life because she is VERY negative, almost evil in a scense. I don't want that around me, or my kids. Remember Negative people like to attach themselves to others in a way to bring them down. If you have this in your life, stay away from it, and if it's your family, then tell them to stay away from you. Just try it, you will see what I mean. K talk to you soon

[SweetPea95]

A lot of people have said I need to do some soul searching I do agree with that. I use to know who I was but when I got to high school, ALL WENT DOWN HILL. It hard to get back from out of the whole. And yeah my head does get in the way with my heart. I don't know if it is my head or my heart but when I think of letting go of him I always cry. I'm stuck in the mud. That what I feel like, stuck in a deep puddle of gloppy sticky mud. I feel a lot of negative energy but I think that has to do with all the stress right now.

[alegnasavilo14]

If a lot of people are telling you that then you really need to listen, and if how you used to be before you got to high school was better, then find out what it was that changed you. HS can be so hard at your age because kids are trying to find ways of "fitting in". Just be you, if they don't like who you are, then you don't need those people around you. Get to know people with similar intrests. Don't be "who you hang out with" because that is what causes you to lose yourself. They would have you doing things that you wouldn't have normally done.
You say it's hard to tell which is talking to you, your heart or your head? Well, I think that since you've stated that you cry when you think about breaking up with him, then I think you have your answer. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do. :( sadly. But if he is true, he will be willing to wait for you, IF he really cares about you and what you are going through, he will take a step back and let you get your life together, because he too should want you to get your family life under control. Sounds like you are overwhwelmed and all I can suggest to that is to Prioritize what the problems are and tackle them one at a time. For example: if your grades are slipping, then make it a point to start focusing on your schoolwork. (your education is super important) if removing your boyfriend from you life right now is what will help you get back to good, then do so. But I truly believe your mom needs you right now, she is supposed to be your best friend :) sit down with her and say "Hey mom, I want to change things around here, and I need your help, I want to prioritize my struggles and make my life better. Can you help me find a place to start?" Trust me, she will probably look at you like... is this really my daughter?? Lol and then she will probably say " I've been waiting for you to ask me for help " ;) You can only do one thing at a time, so don't rush. And they won't change overnight, so don't get discouraged OK?

[SweetPea95]

I can get discouraged easily but since I was in middle school my dad said "when life beings a b and kicks you down, get back up and hit back twice as hard" and I do. But this time it is really hard to get up this time. It a war between me and life, karma, whatever you want to call it.

[alegnasavilo14]

I see, and yea karma can be a b. There was this quote I read and it goes like this:

"How you react to me is YOUR Karma, but how I react to you is MINE" I've kept that in the back of my mind and really helps in choices that I make. I don't want karma to bite me in the so I tend to go about things the right way.
Nobody said life was going to be easy, it's how you deal with the bad and good that define you as a person. God don't give us anything we can't handle and believe me, it's true. There are so many difficult things to go through in life but I believe it's a "test" to see how you overcome them. Chin up little lady :) things will get better. Just try what I asked and prioritize. You seem pretty intelligent so I know you know what you need to do :)

[SweetPea95]

Hehehe thank you :)

[alegnasavilo14]

You bet! Keep me posted OK?

[SweetPea95]

Okey Dokey Arta Chokey.