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8578 · Nov 27, 2012, 01:13 PM

He was always the one to come up to me, hugs me, kisses me, cuddles with me and tries his best to be around all the time, good to my friends and family and makes love to me almost everyday... With all that I was still insecure and have always felt that he was hiding something maybe cause he was engaged two years before we got together and he was so in love with her and she dumped one month before their wedding... I was really surprised that he would be so affectionate when he had his hear broken not so long ago... I was insecure cause I sensed that he was bored with me, didn't open up to me and was flirty and had a wondering eye that was too obvious...

With time I became all clingy with all the affection I was getting but I became more and more needy and insecure... one day I was going through an old suite case he had cause I was traveling and I found a USB and allowed myself to go through it only to find out that he was head over heals for that girl, she was gorgeous and he used to write her poems and send her flowers although it was a long distance relationship, they even went on a trip together for a week!!

I had to confront him, when I did he got really upset and he was like of course I loved her, she was my fiancé, and when I asked him if he loved her more, he panicked and said we never used to fight and we got along really well, I was did you love her more, his nervousness said it all,, and the answer was yes...

MY QUESTION... HOW COULD HE BE SO AFFECTIONATE WHEN HE'S BORED WITH ME AND LOVED HIS EX MORE THAN HE LOVED ME... WHY WOULD HE LOVE HER MORE, I WISH I'D KNOW WHY?

talaniman · Nov 27, 2012, 01:50 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...an-718977.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...rt-709940.html

Your fears and insecurities over his past are really you looking back, and not forward. Your fear is what colors your seeing reality, and dealing with it in positive productive ways. I feel you need the counsel of an older more experienced woman of reason to help you with YOUR problem.

Only then will you in time be able to do what it takes for your questions to be answered and the correct decisions and actions be taken for YOU to be happy.

I mean what do you expect of an arranged marriage where there has been no healing from the past? Neither of you was ready for this at the time, even though others pushed for it because you both had your own baggage getting in the way.

Please do yourself a favor and get someone to talk to.

8578 · Nov 27, 2012, 02:13 PM

I do need help I realize that but Talaniman you have commented on the first link when I asked about his character but you're comment explains that he was deceived most of his life but doesn't that also mean that he's needy and gets attached fast and it's immature?

talaniman · Nov 27, 2012, 02:20 PM

That's exactly what too much, too fast, crash and burn means. But what's more important is how YOU deal with it, or NOT!!

I submit you have NOT handled it well.

mypointofview · Dec 5, 2012, 04:59 AM

You need to get some counseling because yourself esteem is shot at this point. Every relationship brings a new flavor and you cannot focus on his past relationships. It does not matter how much he loved her, it is what you both have now and you need to focus on the here and now. You are not allowing your talents and love to shine through. If your man had problems with his affections you should have taken a step back and evaluate the situation before getting to involved. If you plan on staying with him, get help for yourself first, take inventory of your relationship and move forward. You know how you want to be treated and do not compare yourself to the former girlfriend. Different personalities bring different characteristics and elements to the relationship. Move forward and do not look back!