[Dignity]

Bit of background. We meet on line, I'm in my late 40's his in mid 50's. He is divorced I'm separated with pending divorce. We've been dating exclusively for 1 1/2 year.

I'm at a point where I can confront him and the another woman.  In fact made several attempts but the last one I decided that I should hold on to my dignity and self respect.  He claims other ex girlfriends accused him falsely, stalked him. Probably going crazy in front of him with no dignity and self respect, one kept begging to be friends with benefits.

Myself esteem is at at a very low level right now but I decided that if I hold on to my dignity I can pretend that it is where it should be, I'm better off living and acting where I want to have my dignity and self esteem.  

Deep down I still want him.  I still love him.  He's admitted to lying but about being in town and seeing her but not cheating, that's she's an ex girlfriend. That he was afraid to tell me. I told him he had been seen in town and with another woman.  So he's admitted to being in town; that he lied but that nothing else has happen. He claim to be staying a site off the city for work. But I know She's sleeping in his bedroom and her two sisters and mother are visiting at his house. I know he's staying there and most likely hazing sex. I got her cell phone number but its an international number so I doubt it is working in the us; but I can try it later when she gets back if I still what to let her know.  I believe she has a lot of money but is not very classy. He most likely has seen her on a few international trips he has done in the last year.  I feel he has women in other places. He has been spending less time with me; last two months, since I told him that my divorce settlement wasn't going to be as high as I thought. He is very well off but was married for the convenience of getting his legal status and remained married for over 20 years having sex knowing she wasn't the one. 

 We've been dating exclusively for almost a year and a half.  Sex is great, but I want more sexually and emotionally.  I'm into exploring deep bonding and dominating so when I suspect something I get very aggressive sexually and I fantasize on dominating him and manhandle him.  It's very hot!  I was in a sexless marriage so I felt incredible to be able to open up with him at the intimate level with my preferences by someone that makes me feel trust.  I was always shy about expressing my inclination and I'm just starting to explore this with him but I tell him I want to explore more.  He's just here enough to get closer.

I've meet his kids and have been to his home too.  He has a home where I live too.  We talk almost every night for hours except when he's on work travel.  This time he was on work travel; claims he has to go into a compound and leave all electronics out.  I have seen his resume and meet employees and clients so I know that part is true.

He tells me he has an emotional connection with me, that I'm the only one he's interested in and that he isn't playing with my feelings. He's asked me to be patient "till he finishes work at the test site" but I know that it is until this woman and her family leaves.   I really want to confront them both.  I don't think he's serious about her and is playing her too and she should know.

On the other hand I have communicated some powerful description about the implications of lying in a relationship; since he's admitted that part, in that it shatters the dignity and intelligence of the victim. 

I figure I should move on and try my best not to contact him anymore. If he comes looking for me then I know it will be very hard.  I want to tell him everything I know but not in an accusatory way but in a way that says to him you are a good person why are you doing this?  Stop while you are still ahead and look at what you are doing?

We've talked about the difference between having a meaningful relationship where you are connecting and where it is just physical and we have agreed that our is emotional. At least I've always felt that; deep down I love him and just want to look ahead and not back and I'm willing to work it out if he's an open book.  

Please help me take these next steps in the smartest fashion maintaining my dignity and healing along the way whether on my own or with him.  Let me know what is the reality I really need to concentrate on so I can be in the best position to move ahead and not fall into this again.