[hazeleyes91]

Threads merged

For a year now I've been seeing this guy and we've been sleeping together too I started to fall in love with him a couple of months ago but my mistake was I slept with him and also I want a relationship with should I do?

[J_9]

Talking to him about your feelings comes to mind.

[Homegirl 50]

If you sleep with him you ought to be able to talk to him. Try it. See where his heart and mind is.

[hazeleyes91]

Thank you, both.


Edited/merged/T

[Homegirl 50]

Could be you two are on the same page.
Good luck

[J_9]

You see, if you are sleeping with someone, you should be able to talk about ANYTHING. If you can't talk about your feelings, well then this isn't a relationship.

[Alty]

I'm a bit confused. If you're sleeping with him and you two are in a relationship, isn't a given that you have feelings for each other?

You said that you two have been seeing each other for a year. Doesn't that mean you two are a couple? Love does happen when you're dating. I don't think he'll be that surprised.

[Homegirl 50]

I think they are not a couple just having sex. But if they have been doing it for that long there must be something. Unless he has also been with someone else.

[I wish]

First off, if you want a serious relationship, then stop having the friends with benefits arrangement. Stop having sex and have a serious conversation.

[hazeleyes91]

Your right

[hazeleyes91]

We have a sexually relationship but not a real one

[Homegirl 50]

Are you the only one he is with, does he have a girlfriend? You two need to have a talk. No more sex, a talk so you can know where you stand with him.

[hazeleyes91]

I'm the only he's with now but in the beginning he was seeing other girls like we live next to each other and I would see other girls going into his house but now its not like that he's only seeing me

[Fr_Chuck]

And stop using the comment feature and "answer" your own question to do follow up info

[Jake2008]

I find this very sad that you are in this position.

It sounds like you established a superficial sex only relationship with this guy, knowing (at least in the beginning) that for a good chunk of the time you were sleeping with him, you saw other women going in and out of his place. Knowing that you still slept with him.

After 10 months of this 'relationship', you then decide you are in love with him. I don't know how, or why, you have jumped from booty call to love, but to me, I don't hear anything that he has indicated he wants more, or is interested in anything more.

Why and how have your feelings changed so drastically for him, and have you given any thought to the fact that he's quite happy with just having sex with you, and nothing else?

Have you ever gone on a date? Shared a dinner and conversation together? Met his friends and family? Even been to his house? What do you know about this guy, other than the sex.

My advice to you is to reset your clock. You are going to have to go back in time here, and start from the beginning. Sex is off the table. If you are ever going to know how he feels, or even if he's interested, take the sex out and see if he calls you. See if he shows an interest in getting to know you, outside of the bedroom, and in the real world. Have a talk to him and tell him that you have developed feelings for him, and is there any possibility of a real relationship. Don't be disappointed if he says no. He's not said otherwise in a year.

You can love having sex, but you cannot love a man you don't know. You might find, that if the two of you actually start getting to know each other as people, that the guy is a jerk, and you're glad that you stepped up, spoke up, set the bar a little higher, stopped allowing yourself to be used (and to use him for sex too), and realized it was never going to go any further.

I hope too that you have been using protection, and the two of you have at least established that.

And if he walks after knowing how you feel, at least you won't invest another year in a man who isn't on the same page as you are.

[hazeleyes91]

OK I've known this guy for a long before we started having sex yes I've been to his house yes I met his family and he even brought on trips with him but were still not dating

[I wish]

Bottom line. Stop having sex. Have a real talk.

[hazeleyes91]

Thanks I will

[hazeleyes91]

I've been wanting to talk to my boyfriend about a coupld of things but you know how some guys are they don't want to hear it. But there are things I need to dicuss with him but I just don't know the way to approach him on it

[justcurious55]

How old are each of you? And how serious are these issues that you're having trouble talking to him about them?