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Sjk4 · Nov 10, 2012, 09:19 PM

I need help I'm in a new relationship of 5 months and we are great and happy so far except for one thing his mother! I respect my elders so I haven't done anything about this and it's making me very emotional. His mother is obsessive like EXTREAMLY I've never seen anything like this he is a only child and his mom is devorsed. He is 18 years old she will not let him get his licence let alone his permit he can never go out like when he's not even doing anything on the weekend I've been allowed to see him for 4 hours maximum on a weekend with a call at least 3 times on the date. She won't let him call me to say goodnight or even have one of his sports sweatshirts while she wears his varsity jacket around. They have hardly invited me over (not that I expect them too) but I'm nothing but nice and respectfull and bake for them every once in awhile. If he tries to give me a kiss while we are near her she either makes a sound and freaks out to the point I think he's afraid to even touch me. Hes very reapectful and is an eagle scout and is trustworthy and I've never seen him past 8. Today we hung out and she knew we were and was OK with it but had a neighbor spying telling her what time we left and everything. I told this to a older family friend today and they agreed and said they wonder what happens behind closed doors and got me thinking I looked some stuff up and I saw some stuff about the Oedipus theory (the theory that an infant wants to kill the father and marry the mother)and the mothers role in this possibly making her so obsessive and it kind of freaked me out and now I'm wondering if I should be concerned with this and how I can help him? He won't stand up to her as much as he can't stand it either he won't disrespect her and that's great I don't want him to I just want out of this situation? I feel like in order to take him out I need to go up to the door and ask permission to take there son out on a date that's just weird for a girl to do! I've fallen for him that's why I haven't left but I've cried allot over this I want to know how I can stop this without being disrespectfull I can't really do anything cause its not my battle! But I care for him and am determind to figure something out please help from anyone would be nice I'm feeling really helpless right now any advice would be a great help thank you:)

smoothy · Nov 10, 2012, 10:36 PM

When he gets a job... and his own apartment and pays his own way he can do what he wants... as long as he lives at home his parents have every right to establish the rules he will follow as long as he lives there... its THEIR house and they are supporting him.

Sorry... but that's how it is in MOST homes.

And you are doing good keeping out of it... because it's a battle YOU could not win and would only cause problems for him.

Wondergirl · Nov 10, 2012, 11:26 PM

He can stand up for himself (as an adult at 18) without disrespecting her. If he won't, like smoothy said, it's her house he lives in and her rules. Until he moves out, she is in charge.

I wouldn't worry about the Oedipus Complex thing. That happens when a boy is very young, like age 2 or 3. It doesn't sound at all like there is incest going on. She just wants to be in control.

J_9 · Nov 11, 2012, 01:06 AM

Sound to me like he has done something serious in the past and lost her trust. There are two sides to every story.

Sjk4 · Nov 11, 2012, 05:40 AM

Okay thank you for all your help so you guys are basically saying I just need to wait it out until he moves out ?I'd never disrespect his mother I just feel trapped cause I've fallen for him and I want them to like me too but nothing seems to work. Any advice on how to get her to like me?

smoothy · Nov 12, 2012, 04:00 PM

That would take us knowing her... and we don't. You have to be able to read her.. and that's something difficult to do at your age... its not easy for people a lot older than you either.

You have to figure out what her fears are... and prove to her he's in good hands without it LOOKING like that's what you are trying to do. Like I said... difficult task.

Besides anyone that's smart is going to want to have some time living alone AFTER they leave home before they jump into living with someone else (in case the thought has crossed your mind).. because its important time you need to grow as a person.