Check out some similar questions!

rhottamale978 · Jun 26, 2011, 05:03 PM

Okay here the deal between my boyfriends family and me, well I been with my boyfriends for a year and half we are both 18 years old and graduated from high school recently. We have been going through this problem for almost 2 years. My boyfriend is my best friend and he means the world to me as I do to him. His Mother tells him that I'm so wrong for him. We come from very different life styles he comes from money but I come from parents who always struggled to give me what I want or need. I know he is hurting inside because the two women he loves don't get along. I love his mother she had told them that I am that right girl but then she changes her mind. She controls him and I don't like it but I don't step on her toes but I really want to be part of his family and want her to understand that I love him and we make each other happy we never fight or argued we have a great relationship, There was a time that we did get along but his mother every time I left she decided to say bad things about me behind my back, but his father likes me and his little brother adores me it's just been hard dealing with this and were still standing strong we decided to go behind there backs and see each other but I just told him to tell his mother he is seeing me and not hide me no more because this can cause even bigger problems. Did I make the right choice?? I need advice on this relationship??

talaniman · Jun 26, 2011, 05:34 PM

I wouldn't put that kind of pressure on him, that would surely cause problems. Hey if everyone else liked you, then be happy with that and ignore the ones that don't.

Just to keep the peace, maybe its best to follow his lead where his family is concerned.

rhottamale978 · Jun 26, 2011, 07:26 PM

Yes I agree with you but at the same time he feels like it is time his family accept me as the girl he loves

Wondergirl · Jun 26, 2011, 07:35 PM

he feels like it is time his family accept me as the girl he loves

It sounds like there's only one person you haven't quite conquered yet.

If cooking is one of her favorite things to do, talk with her about that. Ask her to teach you how to cook her favorite recipe or a dish that she cooks well. If she is a good seamstress, have her teach you how to properly sew on a button or hem slacks. Does she speak another language? Ask her to teach you some basic words. Does she have hobbies or special interests? In other words, find out what she likes to do and what are some of her favorite things she enjoys or knows about, and take it from there, and ask her to teach you something related to one or more of them.

People love to teach other people about things they love to do or have special knowledge of.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2011, 07:36 PM

That may never happen, but good luck with that.

rhottamale978 · Jun 26, 2011, 07:42 PM

We had a great relationship the past summer we cooked together, and we both speak spanish, and we went every where together just one day everything changed, because my boyfriend has a younger brother who was dating a girl who lived an hour way and me and my boyfriend only life 10 minutes away and he became very jelouse and told his mom lies about my boyfriend and me so it ended badly his mom never spoke to me again

Wondergirl · Jun 26, 2011, 07:47 PM

Then your boyfriend has to speak up to his mother and tell her those were lies. Has he done that yet?

rhottamale978 · Jun 26, 2011, 08:37 PM

Yes he has and she found out afterwards that his brother was lying and she just didn't want to listen she said to little to late but she has seen in me in the past month and decided to hug me like everything was fine. What me and my boyfriend are going through she went through with his fathers family

Wondergirl · Jun 26, 2011, 08:39 PM

If she knows the truth and has hugged you, what's the problem?

rhottamale978 · Jun 26, 2011, 08:43 PM

She doesn't want me with her son she does that to put on a show and show him that she is not mean but I don't talk to her and she still talks bad about me behind my back

talaniman · Jun 26, 2011, 09:07 PM

Forget this futile exercise. Just be polite and respectful, and get along civilly. If you cannot win people over just being yourself, then don't worry about them. You can't please everyone, but you can treat them the way you want to be treated, and hope for the best.

Alty · Jun 26, 2011, 09:25 PM

I don't understand something. If she pretends that all is well, then why do you two have to hide your relationship? It doesn't sound like she's forbidden him from seeing you, she just doesn't like you.

She may never like you. When I met my husband his mother and I got along great. We would stay up all hours of the evening, just the two of us, having tea in her kitchen, talking.

When my husband and I got married the relationship with my MIL changed. She saw me as a threat, as competition. I understand that now, but back then I was mad. She'd come over (she had a key to our house), and snoop. My husband would take dirty dishes out of the dishwasher so she'd have something to do, then she'd tell the entire family that I'm a horrible housewife, that she has to do dishes when she comes over. If we didn't give her something to do, she'd find something. It didn't always end well. She ruined my carpet one time when she was bored and decided to clean it, with bleach. :(

The years went on, we had a child, my parents died, then I got pregnant with my second child. It was after my parents died that my MIL and I finally became close again.

We never hated each other, we just weren't as close for a long time as we were in the beginning.

Now she's also deceased, and I miss her so much.

It's not your job to make her like you, and no one can. Just be yourself. Obviously that's good enough for your boyfriend. She'll have to learn to accept that she can't choose for her kids, she has to let them choose for themselves.

Just be civil to her, and hopefully she'll come around.

rhottamale978 · Jun 27, 2011, 06:43 PM

Im very sorry and yes she does forbid from seeing each other we were once close but one day everything was fine and at the night my boyfriend had called me to tell me I wasn't allowed in the house anymore and after that we haven't talked I have tried to reach out to her but she doesn't want to. She feels the same that I'm like competition when I don't want her to feel like that I want her to realizes that I want her in both our life's. I know its hard on him but I tell my boyfriend if he doesn't tell her that were not together she will never get the chance to get to know me in a way I want her too. I have always been myself she just always has a wall open and I come to her with open arms I love her dearly even if she doesn't.

Originally Posted by talaniman
Forget this futile exercise. Just be polite and respectful, and get along civilly. If you cannot win people over just being yourself, then don't worry about them. You can't please everyone, but you can treat them the way you want to be treated, and hope for the best.

Yes I know that know and I do treat everyone the way I would like to be treated it just hurts my boyfriend that we cannot get along and when something hutrs him it hurts me

Hi yes me and my boyfriend had planned to go to the same university but I got denied and he got accepted to the school of his dreams and I did to. I want to know if anyone has gone through this? And what did you do? We both want to marry each other and I was the one who decided for him to go to Umass Amherst and I would be at Fitchburg state university

Wondergirl · Jun 27, 2011, 07:10 PM

You want to know if anyone has gone through what? My long-time boyfriend went to one college, and I went to a different one a thousand miles away long before email and cell phones. Our relationship survived.

rhottamale978 · Jun 27, 2011, 07:13 PM

Has gone through this expirence

Wondergirl · Jun 27, 2011, 07:18 PM

has gone through this expirence

Yup. Nowadays, with cell phones, IMing, FB, texting, and Skype, staying connected to each other should be a piece of cake. Of course, college will open up whole wonderful new worlds for each of you. My boyfriend and I had agreed that we would date others, if the opportunity arose, and deal with any repercussions in a mature way.

rhottamale978 · Jun 27, 2011, 07:31 PM

Thank you, did you have faced that situation?? Did you date other people?

Wondergirl · Jun 27, 2011, 07:39 PM

did you date other people??

We had only snail mail back then. (Long distance phone calls were too expensive.) We saw each other during Christmas and spring vacations, and of course during the summer. Yes, he dated and so did I. It would have been silly not to.

talaniman · Jun 27, 2011, 08:51 PM

After merging your threads I can see why the mom doesn't want her soon to be distracted from getting an education.

You two really do have to talk between you and get a plan, not only to deal with his mom but also to deal with this long distance relationship. Talking is the only way you can work together, and make a plan that works for you.