[kimd07]

I am 23 and I have a 1 year old daughter. We left her father/ my now ex husband 7 months ago and I filed for divorce. Our divorce has been final for two weeks now. We married young (19) but we grew up together and I thought I knew him well and was in love. Shortly after we got married he became verbally abusive (calling me stupid, idiot, severely threatening me, constantly belittling me). Then he became physically abusive 6 months after we were married. It started with shoving and grabbing my arms roughly and yelling in my face when I said something "stupid" or "challenged" him and soon led to slapping and hitting me. He rarely apologized after and he blamed me for his actions. He'd say that if I would just shut up when he told me to or didn't say stupid things he wouldn't get so angry with me to the point of hurting me. And I somehow believed him because I valued his opinion and always admired him as a person (why I don't know). So I constantly blamed myself because I know I can be opinionated and I don't always think about things before I do them. I also had my suspicions about his fidelity. I didn't have any proof at all, I just had a feeling and he tended to be secretive but he always denied it and claimed he wasn't the type to cheat and that I should know he's not cheating because he's always very honest, sometimes brutally so. I concluded that there was no way he could treat me that way and cheat on me too. I just didn't think it was possible to have both issues in a marriage . Then things started getting better (I thought). He was still verbally demeaning at times but not physically abusive for at least 7 or 8 months and we talked about having a child because he always wanted a daughter. He agreed that he still had things to work on but that he was doing better and that being a father would make him an even better man. And I convinced myself that he would make a good father and he was working on being a better husband. I really wanted to start a family. Looking back I think I really longed for his approval and I thought having a child with him and being a good mother would make him happy and make him want to work even harder at being a good husband. During my pregnancy however he started to get abusive again, one time he even shoved me to the floor. He wasn't very supportive, didn't want to go with me to labor and delivery classes, and showed very little patience and compassion when I went through my mood swings. He even encouraged me to get induced because he had to start his six weeks from work because of several false labor alarms. He was always pressuring me to do something. After a difficult emergency c-section our daughter was born and he was initially helpful but everything had to be done his way, despite the fact that I'm her mother. He pressured me to go back to work 3 weeks after having her because we "needed the money" and "he wasnt allowed to go back to work earlier than his 6 weeks" (although he was willing to take care of her while I went to work). It became rather apparent that his parenting style was different from mine. He tended to be very rough and impatient with her even at 2 months. He wouldn't let my daughter and I bond and demanded that I keep her in the baby room almost all day (unless she "needed something")it was a very difficult time for me especially since I was going through postpartum deppression and he showed very little symapthy. Soon I started to see inconsistencies and I saw a suspicious text on his phone. He continued to deny any cheating. But it was a recurring topic that led to heated arguments, until one day he got physical again for the first time since our daughter was born. He'd slapped me and I told him I was leaving and taking our daughter with me then he punched me in the stomach and dragged me down the hall, then threatened to kill us both if I left with her. I guess you could say my motherly instincts took over and I knew I had to get her out of the situation. We left one day before he came home and since I've gotten proof of him cheating and I filed for divorce. He's shown very little interest in our daughter since, which convinces me even more that I'm doing the right thing. I just want to know: how its possible to move on from that situation and maybe even find a great guy who actually cares about me and my daughter and who could be a great father to her? Honestly he has me doubting the existence of great men all together, plus the fact that I never had a great relationship with my own father. Would any man even want to date a divorced woman with a child, especially after I've been in a relationship like that and how can I know what man to trust??

[mikki821]

It is good that you left he is a sick man don't let him near you and espechily your daughtor. And the right man would not cheet on you. And there are people who you can trust if you want you could go to a support group and they can help you. Don't worry your not alone.

[kimd07]

Thank u.. I've been in therapy for about 6 months now but its an ongoing battle. I never thought about joining a support group that might be a good idea!