[Greythunder59]

I left my wife of 15 years. I suspected she was cheating on me. After I confronted her she confessed, So I left her. She later told me that I Bullied the confession out of her and she only confessed because that's what I wanted to hear. I thought about it and maybe she was right. So I came back with expectations that she would be the one to prove to me that she could change her ways. Of course when she would fail, I would get upset and scream and yell at her. She decided it wasn't worth it and left me. She did end up confessing again along with a total of cheating on me seven times during our marriage, and each time she convenced me that it didn't happen, or it wasn't as seriouse as an affair. I sit here full of rage not because she cheated on me, but rather at that she deceived me so many time and I was stupid enough to believe her lies. Now that I'm alone I find myself depressed and filled with rage because of the lies, not the affairs. Am I angry at the wrong thing.

[dontknownuthin]

I think it's appropriate to feel angry that your wife cheated on you seven times. I think it's appropriate to feel angry that your wife lied to you. I find it appropriate as well to feel anger that she has waffled on whether she cheated.

However, you say that you yelled and screamed at her, and that she said you bullied confessions out of her and this makes me want to take back the above paragraph. Perhaps she didn't cheat at all. Perhaps you have been making ludicrous accusations and she got sick of hearing about it, so just admitted to whatever you were insinuating to shut you up and get a moment's peace. It didn't work, apparently.

If she truly cheated, it's a blessing that she left. Seven affairs in a marriage of any length is too many. If she did not cheat, it's a blessing to her to have left because being accused constantly of cheating shows a complete lack of trust, and a habit on your part of being abusive.

I don't know whether she cheated. Only you know if you have been overly controlling or jealous. It does sound like a toxic relationship though, so perhaps it's time to just put the argument to rest, try to cooperate and manage a divorce without more fighting (all it accomplishes for you when you continue the fight through the divorce process is that it raises your legal bill).

She could really be a dishonest, cheating person. Or you could be a really controlling, jealous and abusive person. Or the truth could be somewhere in the middle. No way to know. In any event, I would recommend counseling for you. No matter who's fault this is, you've had a failed marriage and are going through crisis - it can be really helpful for navigating such difficult situations. If you need to change, a counselor can help you change. If you were wronged, a counselor can help you move past the hurt and anger, and perhaps identify signs in the future of this type of behavior by a mate so that you can avoid it from the outset.

Good luck to you either way. Even if the entire scenario is your fault, we're all flawed and all redeemable, and if you take care to do the right thing, you'll move past this.