[Shellly]

Sorry about my English :)
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 and a half months. He's 25 and I'm 23. He told me he loves me after only 3 weeks together. We have a good relationship, he loves me and is very very affectionate and caring most of the time, he tells me and shows me he loves me all the time, although we also have problems, like him being suddenly inpatient to me.

Yesterday we were talking and I said something about how good I feel when he's close to me and that I want him close to me, and suddenly he said "I do too, but I don't know about moving in together" - I said I didn't say anything about moving in together, and asked him why would he say something like that, but he just seemed embarrassed and changed the topic.
Today we were talking and then he dropped into the conversation that he doesn't think couples, even couples that have been together for years, should live together, that he believes that the ideal situation is that a couple will live in the same building or street, but not in the same apartment. He said that when couples live together they get bored and tired of each other and that "in nature animals never live together" (dumb, I know).

I don't understand why he would say something like that to me. It feels like he's trying to push me away and keep my expectations low. Right now I feel rejected, disappointed and confused. To me it sounded or like he's saying "I don't want you that much, don't expect too much" or like he's telling me something about himself - that he have some issues and can't really be close to anyone.
I'm not thinking about moving in with him, it's defiantly too early for me. I NEVER talked to him about that.. I don't know why he brought it up... But you know, I do want to know that moving in is an OPTION if things will work out for us.

Also, I don't know if I should talk to him about how I feel and ask him to explain why he said what he said, or just try to forget about that and see how things go. I feel pretty bad about us and about him right now, I don't know if I want to be with a gut that feels this way about relationships, but on the other hand I do love him and we do share a good caring relationship...

I'm so confused I don't even know if talking about it will help somehow (obviously it won't change the way he feels) or only make things worse.

I'll really appreciate your advice... What do you think? Am I in any way overreacting? Thanks

[joypulv]

I had similar thoughts my whole life (65 year old woman) based on the fact that my parents fought all the time and really didn't like or love each other. I spent only about 13 out of the last 45 years living with a man, and always wanted my own room, my own apartment even (although it took until about age 35 to realize this)! I tried to joke about how everyone would get along better if we all were rich enough to each have our own half of a house, but it didn't keep my relationships going overall, because people do feel hurt and rejected, as you are.

Ask him about his childhood, not in reference to all this but just to let him talk in general, and see if there are any clues there. I always considered it my 'problem' in the modern view of togetherness, but in many ways I saw it as a universal problem that could be solved by couples having more space of their own. And not just space in a building, space to do things with other people. Many of the happiest couples go on separate vacations.

[Fr_Chuck]

At three months, these types of things need to be discussed, You need to know if marriage is a option down the road of not, At 3 months a couple should have discussed most of the important issues of life