[MarkChristopher]

I had a fling with this girl in 97. We actually lived together a short time. I was 21 and she was 21 also. I was using drugs and drinking a lot.. I was still in that high school mode. She was drinking a lot and smoking too. She too was in that high school mode. Anyway, 5 months down the road, we split up because I didn't want to live in that welfare system she lived in.. She also has a son who I thought I could be the father for too but I couldn't do it.. Anyway, she did not know she was pregnant when she left me and I didn't know it either. In 1999, HR called me in saying I owe child support. I went to get a test on my blood and it confirmed that it's mine. I've been paying child support since then. But never really bothered to establish visitation because she had moved on with my daughter and I had moved on.. I met my daughter for the first time online last year Aug 2011 as I went to court to lower my CS payment.. When I went to court that day, the ex was there. So after, we had lunch and talked . Now I want to meet with my daughter.. Should I take her to court and let the system take care of it(Visitation custody) or talk it with the ex?

I really don't want to deal with the court system.. but if I have to I will. What should I do?

[ofekboz]

In my opinion ask from your ex to see your daughter...
Tell her that you really interested how she look like...

Do not involve the court it will be more complicated just try to convince your ex...

I hope I help you : ] sorry about the english

[MarkChristopher]

No go from the ex.. the ex and her husband doesn't want me to see my daughter.. It's going to get ugly. I'm going to court.. Anyway, the ex was the one who got me in this system anyway so I'll use it..

[ScottGem]

I would have also advised that you should go through the mother first. But since she has refused, then you need to go to court. I don't know what sort of relationship you established with your daughter online. But if she wants to meet you then pursue it in court. If she doesn't, however, I would be more inclined to back off. Explain to your daughter that you will respect her wishes, but you would hope at some point, she would want to let you become a part of her life.

I would not care about the mother or step father's wishes only your daughter's.

[MarkChristopher]

Thanks Scott.. Sure, it's my daughters decision but that's kind of hard when she has a team who has good influence on her.. I'd back off and I'll ask her. When the mother said, for me to try back when she's 18, know what's going to happen? My daughter will be of legal age and she would not want to see me because her mom's been planting stuff in her head.. I know that. So if I go to court while she's only 15, she can get use to it.. Oh well, it's not pretty. Should have used a rubber.

[ScottGem]

If you go to court and force visitation on a child who doesn't want it, it will not be pretty. While the mother will be required by law to make her available, she doesn't have to force the child to go.

If you back off and show your daughter, you are more concerned with her interests then yours, she will make note of it. If you tell her you will be there whenever she is ready, I am pretty sure it will make a difference. Send her a birthday card and holiday card each year. Maybe include a nominal gift (don't make it appear you are trying to buy her affections). When she's 18, she will no longer be under her mother's control.

[MarkChristopher]

SCott, I did what you advised me to do..

[ScottGem]

Keep us posted, even when she becomes 18.

[MarkChristopher]

I actuallly don't want to go to court as I don't want them involved.. Thanks.. I emailed her Scott with what you advised. I will keep in touch.