[mach12]

My boyfriend is the most amazing guy I have ever met. Ever since our first date I knew this guy was going to be perfect. He's charming, very funny, smart, athletic, and very loving. During our whole relationship so far, he's been getting mad at me for almost everything I do. At the beginning of our relationship he never did but now he is. A week before my birthday my best friend from high school called and asked if I would like to go out for my birthday that night. I told her I would have to talk to my boyfriend and so I did. Earlier that week my boyfriend and I planned to hang out but we weren't going to do anything special just watch TV since we see each other on a regular basis. So, he said it was fine and I went to dinner with her. After dinner I went back to my boyfriends. When I got there he was super pissed that I was all dressed up in a dress and heals since I never get this dressed up for him. When he asked where I went to eat, I told him I ate at the restaurant I work at and again he got mad; because "all the guys I work with want to be with me and always flirt with me." Later on he began saying really mean things about not only me but also about my family. He would say that my family is a bunch of morons who don't know anything. He's always talked bad about my family before too. He then went on about how he's more unhappy when he's around me than being happy; and that I never listen to him. I cried so much that night, everything he said to me cut me deep. After he calmed down a bit he started saying that he was a bad person and an . My birthday week everything went smooth. Then the next week came up and it was time for me to go back to college. I was planning on transferring to another university this year but I stayed so I could be closer to him. The day before classes started I went to buy my books and make sure everything was fine with my classes. One of my childhood friends came with me because she needed help since it was her first year there. My boyfriend and I had plans on going to the zoo that day but he had to cancel because his work called him in, so instead we decided to stay in town and just hang out. When he called after work I told him I was still at the school and I would be done soon. I knew right away after I told him I wasn't done yet he was not going to be happy. Finally, after about 30 min or so after his call I called him back saying I was finished. He decided to go to the gym because apparently "he didn't have all day to waste his time waiting for me on his day off." Later on, I went over to his house to talk, but instead of talking he began to say extremely rude things to me, and would make fun of me about some of the secrets I've shared with him that I have never shared before with anyone. He talked badly about my family again too. This time when he was saying all these things he was laughing at me and making faces like he was enjoying himself, seeing me the way I was. When he saw that I started crying, he hugged me and kissed me and told me he loved me. I really don't know what to think. Is it really my fault he gets mad all the time or is there anyway I can possibly change this behavior?

[AnwserThis]

No it is not your fault! Its not as if you didn't tell him that you were going out with friends or staying late in school. I think he's a little insecure about you getting all dressed up and hanging out with guys which have a crush and a little paranoid that your around them but I think you should defo talk to him ask him why he's saying these hurtful things about both you and your family and what's bothering him. Also,if he makes you choose between him or your family... Choose your family,your family love you and I know your in love with him but trust me he isn't worth your time if he keeps lashing out and saying those things. Hope this helps hun X

[Kahani Punjab]

Mach12,

Welcome to this beautiful and wonderful site, first!

I agree with AnswerThis to some extent. If he is abusive, hurting and calling your family names or a bunch of morons, I do not think you need to carry on with this relationship, even if he is 100 times more handsome and wonderful. Family should always be your first priority, Mach12! Moreover, if you love him, you need to control yourself, at least before him, even if you do not flirt, or sort of it. Cheating is perfectly no-no, but going with other guys, before your 'guy' is definitely a cause of concern for your boyfriend, and this is what sows the seeds of jealousy. I hope you get my point.

Mach12, I would suggest you to write small posts, as longer posts often abhor the repliers, as reading so much is never a fun, esp. on computer and when you are answering someone. Try to focus on the crux. Still, I hope your life will go smoothly. Just try to control yoruself and see how he behaves after your 'improvement' and if his 'calling-name' nature persists, it will be time to say him good-bye, or just bye-bye!!

By the way, what are your ages?

[Cat1864]

My boyfriend is the most amazing guy I have ever met. Ever since our first date I knew this guy was going to be perfect. He's charming, very funny, smart, athletic, and very loving. During our whole relationship so far, he's been getting mad at me for almost everything I do. At the beginning of our relationship he never did but now he is.

I am confused. You say that he has been this way since the beginning but then you say it he wasn't. Which statement statement is correct?

I think you need to redefine 'perfect'. He isn't. He is not being a good person or caring boyfriend. He is being controlling and manipulative. If he is insecure then he needs to deal with it instead of making it your fault.

Personally, I think it would have been better for you to have transferred to farther away school where he would have less influence in your day-to-day life. I think you would have an easier time recognizing his behavior for what it is and walking away.

His behavior seems to be getting worse. Starting with name calling and blaming you for his upset, he has added mocking and humiliating you. You can try talking with him, but I think I would be very careful that his next change of behavior doesn't include physical violence. He seems to be headed in that direction. Since you don't deserve his verbal attacks, you definitely will not deserve any physical abuse.

He may be a great person, but being a great person doesn't make him a great boyfriend for you. It isn't uncommon for an abusive person to be very likable. It makes it easier to hold on to victims when they think they are the ones being bad. It also makes it harder for victims to get anyone to believe them when they tell their stories. Be careful and don't stay because you are confused. Walk away and from a distance decide what you really want.

By the way, long posts aren't a problem. Blocks of text without breaks are what make posts difficult to read.

[JudyKayTee]

Mach12,

Welcome to this beautiful and wonderful site, first!

I agree with AnswerThis to some extent. If he is abusive, hurting and calling your family names or a bunch of morons, I do not think you need to carry on with this relationship, even if he is 100 times more handsome and wonderful. Family should always be your first priority, Mach12! Moreover, if you love him, you need to control yourself, atleast before him, even if you do not flirt, or sort of it. Cheating is perfectly no-no, but going with other guys, before your 'guy' is definitely a cause of concern for your bf, and this is what sows the seeds of jealousy. I hope you get my point.

Mach12, I would suggest you to write small posts, as longer posts often abhor the repliers, as reading so much is never a fun, esp. on computer and when you are answering someone. Try to focus on the crux. Still, I hope your life will go smoothly. Just try to control yoruself and see how he behaves after your 'improvement' and if his 'calling-name' nature persists, it will be time to say him good-bye, or just bye-bye!!!

By the way, what are your ages?

I don't understand the "control yourself, atleast before him, even if you do not flirt, or sort of it. Cheating is perfectly no-no, but going with other guys, before your 'guy' is definitely a cause of concern for your bf, and this is what sows the seeds of jealousy. I hope you get my point."

I don't think anyone should have to change who she is, how she behaves, to suit her boyfriend. The OP is entitled/allowed to live her life as she chooses. If he's jealous or suspicious it's not her fault. If he is this unreasonable anything and everything is going to set him off.

If nothing is going on, nothing is going on, and the OP is allowed to act and dress as she pleases - and that includes running into men who are friends.

Please don't tell people how to post - paragraphs would have helped but if the OP needs to tell the story, she needs to tell the story.

If you have a problem with a post, report it to a Mod.