[crazybabymother]

[paragraphs have been created and many caps added -WG]

OK so here is my story...

About a year ago, I worked for an escort agency. I used to drive different girls to jobs and take them home. One day I picked up two girls and went to drop one to a job.. While waiting for one of the girls in the job, me and the other girl sat and talked.. I began to feel something I can't explain, felt like this girl is amazing. It reminded me of a lost princess who needed my help to show her a new life. We just talked and talked and laughed and I could really feel both of us falling for each other. We talked about what we wanted from life and found that we shared the same goals in life.

Later that night I had to take her to a job. Then it hit me how strong my feelings were for her. As I drove her to the job, I was wishing the job would be cancelled. My prayers were answered and it was. We got to talk more. I can't tell you how happy I felt. As the night went on, I knew it was only a matter of time before I had another call for her. I did and this time it wasn't to be cancelled. I sat for two hours on my own with thoughts of despair of what she's doing. I questioned myself as to why I felt the way I do.

I don't know this girl I kept thinking. Why am I bothered? Then it hit me like a brick to the face. I loved her. As corny and silly as it sounds, I had fallen for her. I remember getting the call to pick her up and I was so happy I raced to get to her like her life was at risk. And when she saw me she knew.

The rest of the night was like a nightmare--had to take her to 2 other jobs. I held my emotions back, but I knew by the end of the night she would be mine and I'd take her away from this dark and nasty life.

The end of our shift came and it's 7 in the morning. We're driving home. I drop one of the girls home and it's just me and her in the car. I look at her and say, "Fancy breakfast?" "Yes!" so we go to Macdonalds to eat. We talk. Then I look at her and say, "I like you...i like you a lot and can't stop myself from kissing you." She looked at me and said she likes me too. I remember rubbing her nose with mine just before we kissed, and I held her head and kissed her with all the love in the world. We both knew what we had just found.

I drove to a hotel. We stayed and made love all day. She promised me from that day she would quit working and we would stay in touch. What happened next was a roller coaster of emotions and events that I knew would eventually bring us to breaking point.

The day after, I sat and thought about this girl and her past and if I could ever handle the things she has done for money and if I could ever put this in the past. I knew from past experience my ex gfs' pasts have always been an issue for me to deal with. I gave up my fight to deal with it and sent her a text saying it was too hard for me to deal with. I asked her to call our boss and make sure I don't have to drive her again. She didn't make that call and the following week I had to drive her again.

I remembered that pain of driving her to jobs and the pain that I had let her down and never took her away. I felt awful. I saw the pain in her eyes as she went into jobs wishing I would drive her somewhere else. The end of the night when I dropped her home, I was so angry and shouted at her!

That was the last time I spoke to her.. Every day for a month she would ring me, apologising, crying. I ignored it all until one day I sat there crying thinking what have I done? So I rang her. I said come over and let's do this. I can't still remember the look in her eyes as we kissed. I was the happiest man in the world, and I just held her as we both cried and said that we love each other.

Four days we stayed in a hotel after that. She changed her number, and we promised to be together. As time went on and we started to do normal things. The thoughts of her past kept coming back to me causing us to have arguments. We had good days and some bad days.

Then about 2 months down the line, she moved into my home I lived in with my parents. She fell pregnant, had an abortion, then fell pregnant again. This time there was no option for an abortion, and we were about to be parents. I was so scared and not ready for this and my actions I can only describe as pathetic and weak. I never realised how much of a blessing having a baby was and I think I realised too late.

As time went on, I grew to put aside my feelings and try to support her the best I could. My parents were selling the house and I knew that I'd be moving into a flat with her and the baby. My parents moved far from London to Yorkshire, and we stayed at her mum's until she gave birth--and to be honest with you, the thought of my mum living so far away affected me in ways I can't explain and contributed along with my own insecurities as to what happened next.

So the day came when we were driving to the hospital. Five days of labour and our little boy was born. The feelings I had when I saw his little face! I touched my nose on his and was immediately filled with a joy and happiness that only a father can feel. I knew that day I'd have done anything for that boy and be his daddy and always support his mummy. I think I even loved her even more for giving me such a beautiful son.

Then the arguments started. It started with my family--why they were not there to support me through being a father, why they were not there to see their grandson--so many arguments--argued over his name which was the final straw for her. She ended it and then I was doomed to a life of complete misery. I begged her to forgive me but she wouldn't.

I was now homeless with no girlfriend and no chance of seeing my son as she wouldn't let me. I was staying at a friend's house and hit the drink hard! I went on dating sites to try and get some rationality for what I had done but the story gets worse.

She had access to all my emails, and she read everything! And in the vulnerable state she was in told me I can never see my son again. She registered him and didn't put me on the birth certificate, also never gave him my family name.

I don't want to take her to court. I know all the rules of this justice system and I was not about to drag her and my son through this. I don't want that legal battle only to get access once a week. That would drive me insane. Every night I'd cry myself to sleep and wake up in a cold sweat, shaking, with thoughts of suicide often coming into my head.

I've now started to make plans to end my life. It's been 4 months since he was born and nearly 3 months since we split. I've not found anywhere to live, and my life feels empty and pointless without her. I am stuck with the feelings that I can't move on without her.

She has now found a new partner and it's killing me even more that I've lost the one thing in this life I loved and cared about--and hearing that she has moved on with someone else destroys my hope of getting back with her evermore far away.

The only good thing is 2 days ago I got to meet up with her. We took our son to the park, then to the doctor's, and I can honestly say it was the best day I have had in 4 months. True love does exist, but it must be perfect. When it fails, it fails hard because the higher you take your emotions, the higher they have to fall when they go bad.

I ruined a perfect relationship that was a fairytale story of romance that led into selfish feelings of greed and jealousy, standing on the edge of a high place wanting to jump. How can I go on knowing what I've done? Maybe someone has the answer--or maybe there isn't one. All I'm sure of is the love for her and my son and that if I don't get them back, I won't be able to live with myself for being so stupid. I can't accept it's over, don't think I ever will.

When I dropped her home, I played our song to her and explained everything to her. I told her how important it is for me to be a father, but she's told me there's no hope for us getting back together. Too much has happened. I disagree and I'm stuck wanting my fairytale princess back.

[NeedKarma]

That is what's called a 'wall of text'. Many like myself won't bother to read it.

If you can reformat it with paragraphs that would be helpful.

[crazybabymother]

Sorry I just wrote it all out... sorry it's a bit of a head ache

[crazybabymother]

the best thing I've read in a long time : https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...up-510427.html

1. There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates. There is only the love that you work hard for with your significant other. That in itself, is real love.

2. Love does not simply fall into place, that is infatuation. Love takes hard work, and as soon as one fails to do so, it will crumble as a whole.

3. Communication and honesty are the key foundations to a loving relationship. Both must be present or all will fail.

4. If you are not focused on your significant other for companionship, you are cheating. If you feel the need to hide your conversations with another man from your partner, you are cheating.

5. When looking for a life partner, search for compatibility instead of acceptability

6. You can't try to change a person to someone you want, you must accept the person for who they are. You can only change yourself.

7. Aim to strive for a better you, but don't let another person change who you are.

8. NEVER EVER pressure or guilt your loved one into doing something they don't want to. Do not emotionally blackmail them by making them feel guilty.

9. Do not let your partner become like your mom. Some of them like to do that and it's up to you to know when the line is crossed.

10. Do not backtrack, keep pushing forward or you'll end up in a non productive circle. Accept the truth for what it is and stop giving yourself false hope. When the relationship has ended, you must not dwell in the past.

11. Having a sense of humor is a good thing in general and for a relationship. However, know when you are crossing the line between humor and insensitivity.

12. They might expect you to know what they are thinking without having to tell you, so keep this in mind and pay attention to what they say, their attitude and their actions.

13. When the times are tough, your family and friends are always there for you. Remember what they have done during the hard times and keep them in your heart always.

14. Do not build your life around the person you love and vice versa. Have them a part of your life but do not make them your life.

15. When you love and accept reality, you will be forced to move on without the bitterness within. Strive for this.

16. Take responsibility for your feelings and the actions you make.

17. If you know for sure that the relationship will be going no where, it's better to end it sooner than later.

18. Do not look for a rebound after a serious relationship has ended. It's unhealthy for you, unfair to the rebound, and disrespectful to the ex.

19. Cut all ties and avoid contact for your own sake. NC is the way to go after a break up.

20. Eat right, sleep well, and work out to get ripped after a break up. You will feel so much better about yourself and will take your shirt off at every given chance^^

[NeedKarma]

You drove around call girls, you fell in love with one, got her pregnant. Right there I can understand why your parents might not be so forthcoming with their support. I hope you can see that. We don't know what the arguments were about but they obviously were enough to make get want to cut you out off her life.
Is that a pretty good resumé?

[crazybabymother]

Yes... pretty good observation... I'm stuck with the regrets of what I done and lost something I was truly in love with...

[joypulv]

I lost it when you fell madly in love yet told her you couldn't deal with it and ordered her to make sure you weren't the driver. How selfish, how demanding, how dare you draw us into the drama of love and then slam us (her) with that. The rest is all downhill. Especially expecting parents to support you. You sound about 19 going on 12.

And your title is not only not true, it certainly doesn't describe you

[crazybabymother]

Yes I know the mistakes I made.. don't u think I've been in a state ever since...

I'm actually 31.

[joypulv]

'True love does exist,. '
Hype, meaningless. Good love is love in which everyone involved is as happy as the other(s).

'... but it must be perfect.' More hype, more meaningless. Perfect? Never. Love is accepting the whole package, what you like, what you don't like, and making daily adjustments to various compromises with the one you love.

You are full of sayings and platitudes and aphorisms. You have no clue. Please dump the list and look at yourself without words.

[crazybabymother]

I don't understand your reply

[joypulv]

What I'm saying: you are trying to come up with 'sayings' to run your life.
I picked one, 'True love exists but it must be perfect' as the most meaningless.
You need to stop all these ideas of lofty truths.
Your choices, your actions, are what define your life, not a bunch of sayings that don't apply to anything real.
Love is just simply not 'perfect.' Nothing we humans do is perfect. Even a flower can be different from another one of the same species, so which one is perfect? And you can say that both are beautiful and thus perfect, and in your eyes, they are. And the philosophical discussion continues.

But love has nothing to do with perfection. Love is a constant series of little pains and joys, compromises and forgivings, acceptance and giving. You have love up on some pedestal where it is freezing to death half the time and boiling to death the other half, from the way you describe your recent past.

[crazybabymother]

I sort of get where your coming from... but how can someone not be prepared to forgive me.. and how can she move on and replace me..

[Wondergirl]

i sort of get where your comming from... but how can someone not be prepared to forgive me.. and how can she move on and replace me..

Why should she be with you?

[crazybabymother]

Because regardless of everything I done I was still there... I wanted her and wanted to be a father I just realised too late... for what its worth I didn't do anything with anyone else.. I only spoke to girls on line.. I know its just as bad.. but why won't she forgive it?

[crazybabymother]

So am I to spend the rest of my life regretting what I done? Because I feel so bad.. I can't get over it...

[crazybabymother]

Men have done much worse things to there partners and they forgove them... I feel like I was just there to get her pregnant and now I have to suffer

[Wondergirl]

because regardless of everything i done i was still there... i wanted her and wanted to be a father i just realised too late... for what its worth i didnt do anything with anyone else.. i only spoke to girls on line.. i know its just as bad.. but why wont she forgive it?

I - I - I - I - I...

Why should she forgive? Or maybe she has and is moving on.

[crazybabymother]

OK.. so I guess its just the women are... if its broke we don't need to fix it.. we just replace it with something else.. what about my son being brought up by someone else? Does anyone understand how much this is hurting me?

[Wondergirl]

ok.. so i guess its just the women are... if its broke we dont need to fix it.. we just replace it with somthing else.. what about my son being brought up by someone else? does anyone understand how much this is hurting me?

The women are what?

You can be in your son's life and be his father. Why would you not and make this an even bigger mess?

[crazybabymother]

She is not letting me see him.. unless its on her terms.. she's not even put me on the birth certificate.. can anyone else understand that she is being unresnoble.. and has done all this to just get me angry...