[Concerned869]

My ex put a false restraining order on me which kept me out of my apartment for three weeks. We have been living together for the past 9 years (in this apt only for 3 yrs) and sharing the expenses; we also have an 8 year old son.

The landlord for the current apt never provided us with a lease, but she obtained one while I was on the restraining order without my knowledge. Now the restraining order is dismissed and she will not allow me back in the apt, the police won't let me in because she is the only one on the lease, she won't let me see my son, I have no idea where my belongings are and I want to know what are my rights. Note: Hard to believe, but the restraining order was used (judge said so when he dismissed it) as a means of retaliation on her part. There was no basis for the order other than to remove me from the premises; she claimed I called her names which quite frankly while untrue in this case I wish I had.
I live in NJ. Any advise would be greatly appreciated

[ScottGem]

I don't understand why the police won't accompany you to remove your belongings. Don't you have proof you lived there? The fact that she is the only person on the lease doesn't mean you didn't live there.

But I see two alternatives if you can't convince the police to help. First is to go back to the judge that dismissed the restraining order and ask him to issue an order allowing you to retrieve your belongings. Then take the police with you to enforce the order.

Second is to file suit against her for the return of the belongings (and maybe for an illegal eviction).

[Concerned869]

I don't understand why the police won't accompany you to remove your belongings. Don't you have proof you lived there? The fact that she is the only person on the lease doesn't mean you didn't live there.

But I see two alternatives if you can't convince the police to help. First is to go back to the judge that dismissed the restraining order and ask him to issue an order allowing you to retrieve your belongings. Then take the police with you to enforce the order.

Second is to file suit against her for the return of the belongings (and maybe for an illegal eviction).

Thanks for the immediate response. I did go back to the court to file for an emergent child custody hearing, but was given a court date of October 10th. That is a totally separate issue for another board.

The police honored her wishes as she hid my son in the neighbors apt and told me not to return to the premises without police escort even though it has been my residence for the past 3 years. She used the restraining order to push me out and won. I just want to get my belongings and access to my son. I guess I have a long battle in front of me. I have been the primary parent, believe it or not, as she did her own thing since she is the "bread-winner" earning 65% more than me. The fact that she earns more and is the "mother" she feels she has the upper hand and has used the system to help things along in her favor. I am so sorry to say that I did see a gender bias during this and continue to see it.
She is abusive, having struck me several times in the face, head and even had her daughter (20 yrs old) involved and she struck me in the head on a separate occasion; there are charges against both of them currently for those incidents. I never left because I didn't want to leave my son. I work, provide, and take care of my child. I just want to be with my son. She also has criminal charges against her for striking and biting her now 20 yr old daughter (then 16 years old) so I'm really concerned for my son; though she's never abused him in my presence or to my knowlegde. Emotionally now I'm sure she is. He asked to go to spend time with me and she said no; this was in the court hallway while I was filing for custody (she too followed me to court and filed right behind me). I am in such a mess.

[ScottGem]

Yep it does sound like a mess. I hope you have an attorney.

As you note, the custody issue is separate, so if you want to post a thread about that, we can try to help you.

But for now, you will need to get an order allowing you to retrieve your belongings.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sue her for the value of the money value of your belongings,

But if your drivers license and other ID has that address the police should allow you.