[Cb1988]

Hi, I'm posting on here as no one I no can understand this either, even guys and past men I've been with always said once with me they never needed porn. Basically my other half would rather watch porn then have sex with myself. I love sex, up for anything, toys, dress up etc etc. I'm in good shape and good looking ( lucky one :) ) we been togather years, have 2 kids, but he's always been like this. He says sex ist a big deal to him and can go weeks without it but not the porn. Id be upstairs and hed be downstairs in loo on his phone knowing full well I'm wanting sex! He can't tell me why, don't think he even knows himself. Says he loves me and wants to be with me etc.. We have sex once in every 2 weeks sometimes! Hes not a romantic, or shows any feelings affections, always bern like this , will neva change that. He doest like going out for meals cinema etc , that always been the norm. He is a very very selfish bloke , even when we have sex half the time it's a quickie for him :/ couple things to add he's smokes weed , has done everyday since age of 14... He will never quit. He had bad adhd asa child, spose the smoke helped back then. Not that I agree with him doing it, but without it he is a nightmare. Just part of him. Please if anyone can shed light on this. Also he will not do any type of councilling.

[Amyyforthestars]

Are you the only woman he's ever been with in a sexual way?

I honestly don't think smoking weed has anything to do with it. Every guy watches porn, they're going to watch it whether we like it or not. But it seems like he watches it far too often, he might have an addiction. Or maybe he's unsure of himself? Maybe he doesn't feel like he's good enough for you? Or maybe he's just watched it so much that it has effected the way he thinks a relationship should be with a real person? Try to talk to him about it, see if he has any fantasies you two can fulfill together and that you feel comfortable doing. Communication is key when dealing with situations like this.

If that doesn't work he should really seek professional help, tell him you'll go with him if he'd like.

Good luck!

[smoothy]

Smoking pot has been proven to be a libido killer...

Watching porn does not equal having sex... nor does watching basketball or Football.

Make an issue of this or push him... and that will significantly reduce any desire he has for sex with you.

[JudyKayTee]

Are you the only woman he's ever been with in a sexual way?

I honestly don't think smoking weed has anything to do with it. Every guy watches porn, they're going to watch it whether we like it or not. But it seems like he watches it far too often, he might have an addiction. Or maybe hes unsure of himself? Maybe he doesn't feel like he's good enough for you? Or maybe he's just watched it so much that it has effected the way he thinks a relationship should be with a real person? Try to talk to him about it, see if he has any fantasies you two can fulfill together and that you feel comfortable doing. Communication is key when dealing with situations like this.

If that doesn't work he should really seek professional help, tell him you'll go with him if he'd like.

Good luck!

In fact, "honestly," smoking weed DOES effect virility and performance - easy to research, here's just one quote from one site: "Pot brings about impediment inside ejaculate flexibility and will slow up the sperm fertility, hence reducing the performance. In addition, it diminishes the quantity regarding ejaculate." Pot and its particular Influence on Virility | Weed America

Ask your Pharmacist or Physician.

Porn is pretend. Sex with a partner is real. If he prefers porn over real live sex, yes, there would be an issue with me.

Dictate what he does and when he does it and he'll continue the behavior and very possibly end the relationship or just go underground. He's apparently being open and honest with OP about porn. I doesn't appear that OP found out about it by accident or snooping so "he" isn't ashamed (or whatever) about his behavior.

[tickle]

If he was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and it is a life long affliction, then you ate fighting a losing battle. He can only concentrate on one thing at a time, and it obviously isn't you. Weed, well, it doesn't help.

You will never have a satisfactory relationship with this man, he has a one track mind.

[backpack2389]

Porn use is a normal activity that isn't considered a problem until it starts to interfere with a person's actual sex life with a partner. Regarding addiction, that's hard to say without knowing the frequency with which he uses the porn. Regardless, it's interfering with your sex life, so the porn has become a problem that you guys need to deal with. I would say perhaps he is trying to fulfill a fantasy that you aren't willing to act out, but given that you at least say you're up for anything, he probably is going to the porn for novelty (different looking partners) or because it's easier than having sex.

The marijuana use also probably doesn't help, even if he's using it to self medicate his ADHD. If he has actually been diagnosed I would think he could obtain other medications that won't impact his sex drive. Altogether, I think probably the porn and pot use need to be adjusted.

[Enigma1999]

Just out of curiousity, why won't he go to counseling with you?

[Cat1864]

I think I need more background.

How old is he now?
How long have you been together and how old are your children?
Has his behavior stayed the same or gotten worse?
Does he work? If so, is the job stressful or exhausting? Is he constantly having to deal with people all day long? If he doesn't work, what does he do besides smoke pot and look at porn?
Is he stressed about finances or anything else?
How are his relationships with his children, family and friends?

If he has always had issues with connecting with you and being intimate, then porn is probably not the cause. It is another symptom of him living in his own world. What I am picking up on is that he doesn't handle day-to-day reality/responsibility very well and runs away from it when he can. Am I close?

If it has always been this way, why have you stayed?

Don't compare him to past boyfriends. It can be harmful to the relationship if you keep thinking in terms of x did this or why did that so why doesn't he. He isn't x or y so don't expect him to be.

Even if he won't go to counseling, I suggest that you go. This isn't something your friends can help you with. You need to be able to talk to someone who understands ADHD and the effects of long-term daily pot smoking. You might even look into support groups. In the meantime, think about how the whole relationship is going and if it is working for you and your children. Is it the type of relationship (overall, not just sexually) you would want for your children when they are grown? Is it a good home for them now?

Good luck.