[A_2012]

I don't know what to do anymore, I love my fiancé and we are supposed to get married next year but his family is always ruining things. His mom wants everything her way but she is making it sound like she's only wanting to help so that her son doesn't realise that she's sneaking her way into controlling every aspect of the wedding. I am a very independent person and very shy in stating my opinion so it feels like she can decide whatever she wants and I won't be able to say I don't like it. His parents said that my family should pay for the wedding since I'm an only child and that whatever my parents pay, his parents will give an equal amount. But Me and my fiancé want to pay everything ourselves so that we don't feel we owe anything to anyone (also my parents are divorced and I can't really bring myself to ask them to pay when I know they aren't in a good financial state at the moment.) His parents keep talking about rules and "this HAS to be this way" or "this HAS to be that way". Apparently I don't even get to choose my own maid of honor because his uncle will be the best man and his wife HAS to be the maid of honor because we can't separate a married couple. (and because they HAVE to pay a part of our wedding) I hate all these stupid rules! I just want a small wedding with close friends and family not a big extravaganza that will put both us and our families in debt for just 1 night. I loved his family before we got engaged but now it seems like they think they know best in everything and that not listening to them is a very bad thing. I've tried to make my fiancé talk to his parents about certain things but nobody listens to him they say no these are the rules and sometimes they even convince him about certain things and now I always look bad because I seem like I'm against his parents. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to break up with him because he is the love of my life but I can't live this way anymore.

[joypulv]

I agree that those rules are ridiculous. The bride doesn't even get to choose her maid of honor, usually her best friend?? What planet are they from?
You have a few choices, none of them easy:
1. Tell your fiancé that you love him dearly but will postpone marriage indefinitely unless he stands up to them completely, starting with you and he paying for the wedding and doing it all your way.
2. Break up now, because you've tried # 1 and it didn't work.
3. Overcome your shyness, put your foot down all by yourself, type up a list of what they are to butt out of, and take control.
4. Maybe the best is some combination of 1 and 3 with a hint of 2.