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pete 91176 · Jul 9, 2012, 03:56 PM

I was born peter joseph tandy on June 10 1953 in providence r.I. looking for virginia f. tandy or siblings, she would be 81 now.
I was adopted and she is my birth mother. I just received a copy of my original birth certificate due to a new law passed here in R.I

So any concern about her ? What if she never told any of her current family about this, what if this ruins the last years of her life ?

Why do you feel you need to find her? If you find her and she is still alive, and she spits on you and tells you she wishes she had a abortion instead, how will you life be?

ARe you really ready to meet

Synnen · Jul 10, 2012, 08:53 AM

Did you think that maybe she just doesn't want contact?

Not all birthparents are searching, and for some---well they never told ANYONE about the baby they had decades ago. In fact, that baby could make things difficult for them, just showing back up out of nowhere.

Limit your search to reunion websites. This way if you find your birthparents, you will know they actually WANT contact.

pete 91176 · Jul 10, 2012, 09:47 AM

Teacherjenn4. Is it possible for you to resend the obituary. For some reason it disappeared. Thanks, Pete.

Synnen · Jul 10, 2012, 10:49 AM

It disappeared because it was posting someone else's personal information.

We do not allow posting of personal contact information publicly on AMHD.

Synnen · Jul 10, 2012, 10:50 AM

And so you believe it's her... what are you going to do? Force contact after she denied it? Contact other people that may have no idea that she placed a child for adoption? What if she really isn't your birthmother? Then you will have riled up her and her friends and family over NOTHING!

Have you even TRIED reunion websites yet?

pete 91176 · Jul 10, 2012, 11:55 AM

Synnen / I understand your position but everyone has there own opinion especially if they were the one that was adopted. I am interested more on finding info about my birth father. Thanks for everything,Pete.

teacherjenn4 · Jul 14, 2012, 08:15 PM

Do a Google search with your mother's name. I think it would be best to send her a letter in the mail. If she wants contact with you, she will have it available. Maybe she needs time to think or maybe she doesn't want contact, but whatever the case, she may read your letter and contact you at a later time. Good luck.

JudyKayTee · Jul 15, 2012, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Do a google search with your mother's name. I think it would be best to send her a letter in the mail. If she wants contact with you, she will have it available. Maybe she needs time to think or maybe she doesn't want contact, but whatever the case, she may read your letter and contact you at a later time. Good luck.

You are advocating invading this woman's privacy! Don't you understand that? I'm astounded that the obituary was posted. The fact that you found it doesn't mean you can post it on a public board. If one person reads this and decides to somehow get involved (and, yes, that does happen) and go off on their own sleuthing adventure there can be devastating consequences.

So she gets the letter - she reads it. The very people around her may know nothing about the adoption. You have suddenly exploded her world at her advanced age.

Posts like this discourage people who are considering adoption for any angle.

I'm an investigator and I don't suggest/recommend/advocate letters. I suggest that you call the person, speak directly to him/her, keep it short, leave your phone number. Maybe the person will want contact in the future, maybe not.

I have access to records. This is not a difficult search. Hire an investigator.

Synnen has good ideas. Listen to her.