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meandmine · Jan 21, 2009, 08:10 AM

Hello,

My name is Blake and I was adopted at 3 months from what my mother(adotped) tells me, I love my family and will always but I am 28 yrs old with four kids and I am now ready to find who birthed me. I live in Atlanta, Georgia and I need to know this... please help me.
What steps do I need to take to see if she is still living and where she might be?

TexasParent · Jan 21, 2009, 08:15 AM

You need to assemble all the information you have about your birth mother, where you were born, and any other related information.

Do you have non-identifying information? Do you know your previous last name? Do you know how many siblings your mother had?

Str8stack71 · Jan 21, 2009, 08:18 AM

My suggestion is to ask your adopted mother for any information... mainly where she adopted you from... contact the place that you were adopted from and speak to them... adoption information is very well protected and you must follow the correct procedure to obtain the info. After you contact the adoption organization, they will take your info and depending on how the adoption was set up, they will help you, if they can, to contact your biological mother... some adoptions have a no contact clause, others are set up where if you inquire about the birth parent, then the adoption agency will contact the parent on your behalf. If the parent accepts then you will be scheduled at a meeting with the bio parent. However, if the bio parent declines, then there really isn't much you can do. Laws are different in each state and some agencies have different laws and policies depending on whether it is a state or private agency. Either way, I believe each state court is required to keep a copy of all adoptions... so you may want to try there also... I am not a lawyer, but I have personally tried to do this myself... I wish you the best of luck.

Synnen · Jan 21, 2009, 08:35 AM

1. Get as much information as you can from your adoptive family.

2. Contact the adoption agency that was used for your adoption. Some agencies allow you to place a letter or your contact information in your file for a birthparent. Some agencies also put people in contact with each other if BOTH parties have tried to initiate contact. That's going to depend on your state and the adoption agency used.

3. Contact the courthouse in the county you were adopted. See if you can put a letter/contact information in your file if a birthparent were to search for you. See if they have something of the sort from the birthparent to you.

4. Register on reunion sites. ISSR, adoption.com, and adoption.org are 3 that I've heard VERY good things about.

5. Be prepared to have your birthmother/birthparents want nothing to do with you. For some women, the birth and adoption were very traumatic and took years to get over--and you would just be opening wounds back up. For some women, the adoption was a think of secrecy, and their entire world would be jeopardized by your contact.

6. Even if you and your birthfamily find each other and are all open to a reunion, please do it through a third party--a pastor, a rabbi, a counselor, the adoption agency, etc. Remember that if you find her, it's going to be a surprise for her, and she may need time to adjust to it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's hard to talk to someone coherently through shock, and words might be spoken that could be hurtful.

As a birthmother myself, I wish you the best of luck! Just keep your mind open to the idea that it may not be a happy reunion, and be prepared to live with that. I hope it's not the case, but you do need to know that it can work out that way.