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timzy · Mar 2, 2007, 12:05 PM

Hi, I'm 18 and I've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks and its been driving me insane. When I was 7 my older (not sure what his age was, well after puberty tho) step-brother (who was my only friend) and I were hanging with some girls and one of them gave him oral sex, later, when we were alone, he told me to give him oral sex, I did, he also used to grab my hand and put it on his penis... does this make me gay? I remember sometime after putting my hand out near his penis expecting him to put it on there. I thought that made him happy and I just wanted to fit in. When all this happened I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, as I got older I would see him again and I tried to avoid him as much as possible, I'm just really confused as to why would I let that happen or put my hand out there wanting to be liked if I wasn't gay?? I blocked this memory because it happened so long ago but now I'm in college and everyone around me is having sex and it makes me question why I haven't had tones of sex. I have had sex twice a while ago and its like I need to have sex to feel comfortable with myself. Please help me figure this out. Anyone who would take the time to give me an explanation I would greatly appreciated it. Thank you

toryadamz · Mar 2, 2007, 12:13 PM

OK well I wouldn't say you are fully gay you might be Bi but it is something that no one can answer for you you need to figure it out yourself. He did those things to you and grew up used to it. But I would say you are probably more Bi than Gay

toryadamz · Mar 2, 2007, 02:07 PM

Then if you didn't know any better I would say you are straight man. I would do the same thing actually between me and you and everyone else when I was eight my uncle did some what of the same thing to me. Excet I had to touch it. But I am not gay. So I would safly say man you are not gay

shygrneyzs · Mar 2, 2007, 02:07 PM

You were sexually molested by an adult - 18 years old is an adult status. You were a minor. From what you wrote, it happened more than once. You were the victim and I think the feeling is still there - you are still a victim because you cannot process everything that happened.

I would not say you are gay or bi-sexual. I do not know the rest of you. It is not too late to get into some therapy/counseling about what happened to you. Is that step brother still around? From the description of his behavior, you were not his first target, nor his last. Chances are he was also a victim. I hope you do seek counseling, if for nothing else, to talk through your feelings, emotions, confusion, and fears. Good luck.

timzy · Mar 2, 2007, 02:11 PM

Thanks shy and tory, I have talked with my best friend and my mom and bro about it and it really helps. And no thank god I never have to see that sick guy again. Im just glad I know better then to do something like that. I broke the cycle

shygrneyzs · Mar 2, 2007, 03:48 PM

Breaking the cycle is hard to do and you are to be commended for making that commitment not to repeat what was done to you.

XceteraX · Mar 10, 2007, 08:36 AM

Many people you have been molested have guilty feelings and question if they were truly molested if they were aroused during the molestation. Many people who have been molested by the same sex question if they were aroused at the time of the molestation if they are gay. It's okay that you were aroused, but what your step-brother did to you was not okay. Sexual abuse can't create one's authentic sexual orientation. Discovering your authentic sexuality usually involves weeding through layers of conditioning that arose from sexual abuse, as well as other forms of conditioning, to find your deeper, more soulful self where you know who you are and what you want. Overcoming the effects of sexual abuse helps you to do just that.

Patriciardg · Jul 10, 2007, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by timzy

hi, im 18 and i've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks and its been driving me insane. When i was 7 my older (not sure what his age was, well after puberty tho) step-brother (who was my only friend) and i were hanging with some girls and one of them gave him oral sex, later, when we were alone, he told me to give him oral sex, i did, he also used to grab my hand and put it on his penis..... does this make me gay? i remember sometime after putting my hand out near his penis expecting him to put it on there. I thought that made him happy and i just wanted to fit in. When all this happened i didn't think i was doing anything wrong, as i got older i would see him again and i tried to avoid him as much as possible, im just really confused as to why would i let that happen or put my hand out there wanting to be liked if i wasn't gay????? I blocked this memory because it happened so long ago but now im in college and everyone around me is having sex and it makes me question why i haven't had tones of sex. I have had sex twice a while ago and its like i need to have sex to feel comfortable with myself. please help me figure this out. Anyone who would take the time to give me an explanation i would greatly appreciated it. Thank you

Remember having sex does not make you a good person or a bad person. When you are comfortable with someone and you want to share your sexuallity with them then go for it. Otherwise don't worry about it and don't worry about bozos who try to tell you how much sex is right for you.. Sex is like anything else, it's your choice now no matter what happened when you were a child. Please move forward from that and try not to relive it or live in it. Live in today.

Xrayman · Jul 10, 2007, 07:06 PM

Having male to male sex forced upon you as a minor does not make you gay-you sound quite distressed by it at least you are letting it out. Good luck.

HelpINeedHelp · Apr 7, 2008, 11:04 PM

I know how you feel. That happened to me when I was younger. You not gay because someone made you touch their penis. You were abused by your step-brother. Oh my it's a very touchy subject, I hope you can make the best of what you have now and leave what happened in the past, in the past.

Best of luck to you,
N8