[johannsson35]

I've loved her for over a year now and we're very close. I've told her how I felt a few different times. At first, she said she had an idea I liked her. She said she thought it was sweet, but she wasn't looking for anyone. Yet, she keeps talking about all these "cute" guys, and it really pisses me off. In fact, to be honest I've stopped talking about girls around her, because I love her that much. After a while, I became so depressed due to the fact she didn't love me back, that I had to cut myself off from her for a while. It was hard, because everywhere I went there was something that reminded me of her.

Finally, I got over it and we started hanging out again. All was good, until my feelings came back. I told her how I felt for her, again. She took it well, but again "we're just best friends". This really upsets me, because I've NEVER loved any girl in my entire life for as long, or as much as I have for her! She means so much to me, and she knows that. I know that I am friend-zoned, and most people say "it's impossible to escape the friend-zone.." But I can't accept this, I love her with all my heart. Some times I think she is actually flirting with me, because a few days ago she put ice cubes in my pants. And she was teasing me about having an erection. I told her I can't control it, and she kept laughing. I literally can't live with out her.

Lately I've been thinking about what it will be like if/when she starts dating someone, and how miserable I will feel. I know I will feel horrible, and the worst I've ever felt in my life. But since I've loved her so long, and through so much I have a feeling we're meant for each-other. I don't want to force a relationship, but I want to get her to at least give me a chance. I love her with all my heart, and it hurts for her to turn me down. Especially when I told her how I felt when I was crying, because it hurt so badly.

Is there anything I could try to get her to change her mind?

[johannsson35]

Sorry! It got off, I meant to say: Can I change her mind?

[durpstick]

You can't make her love you man. Ide advise you to drop her as a priority, there are a lot of other wonderful girls out there. It sucks to be in your position, but your not doing yourself any favors by being so close to her when she has no intention of ever having intimate feelings towards you.

Ps: never let a girl see you crying!

[johannsson35]

Thanks for the help man, and that's true. But I did cut myself off from her for about 3 weeks. During that time I didn't talk/or hang out with her for that time. Eventually she told me she couldn't take it, and that she was crying and miserable because she missed me so much. So I started hanging out with her/talking to her again because I felt REALLY bad for how I treated her. I still can't forgive myself for this, even though she has forgiven me.

[mmresd]

You can't change her mind, she needs to make that decision by herself, if she ever does. However, you need to realize your have something very nice here, and that is a great friendship. All this talk about relationship, will eventually end that if she is not feeling the same way. Be her friend, and enjoy the friendship, respect her decision, and have a good time. You sound fairly young, why complicate things with a relationship.

[slapshot_oi]

I know that I am friend-zoned, and most people say "it's impossible to escape the friend-zone.." But I can't accept this

Accept it. You have already communicated to her on several occasions how you feel, and she turned you down each time. There's nothing you can do to change her mind.

You shouldn't regret cutting her off for three weeks. In fact, you ought to cut her off again until you get over these emotions and just be friends again. Until then, this friendship will continue cause stress, and that will be amplified if she starts dating other people.

One thing I learned over the years, it's near impossible to go from friend to girlfriend, and likewise, from girlfriend to friend.

[johannsson35]

All of you are correct I guess. I spoke to her today, and she told me she know's I'm a nice guy, and I mean A LOT to her but she's not interested in dating ANYONE at the moment. She wants to finish college and get her career started before any relationships. She also told me, before and again that there is a chance for her and I in the future. @slapshot_oi: this is offtopic, but are you a hockey fan? Based on your name I'm guessing you are!

[slapshot_oi]

She also told me, before and again that there is a chance for her and I in the future.

While that is nice to hear, this means that you are plan B. You are not her first choice, and you should always be the first choice when it comes to a relationship.

Dating someone for the sake of convenience means the relationship will fail, because the relationship was founded on desperation, and one person will always have stronger romantic feelings than the other.

Also: actions speak louder than words.

@slapshot_oi: this is offtopic, but are you a hockey fan? Based on your name I'm guessing you are!

Yep, big fan of the 2011 Stanley Cup champions!

[joypulv]

You are NOT 'meant for each other.' There is no such thing. She doesn't want you, and in fact she is no best friend if she can be this cruel to you, even laughing at you being turned on and miserable, and worse, telling you she cried when you stayed away. How selfish, how egocentric, how thoughtless can she be? When someone, male or female, finds out that a friend is in love with them, they out of kindness call the friendship off and back away. She's a torturer, a _ _ _ _ teaser of the worst kind.

[johannsson35]

Last Sunday I was hanging out with her right after work. I went to the store with her to return a product. When we were walking out of the store, she started begging me for a bag of m&m's because she had a strong craving for chocolate, since her period was coming. I didn't know if she was joking or not so I said no. She then said I'm mean, and she's leaving so she got in her car and drove away and came back to pick me up (she does that a lot, it's a joke. She acts like she's taking off without me and gets in her car and drives away). I got in, and she said I was a jerk and that she was taking me home. So I was quiet the whole time. But she didn't take me home, we went to her place. When she parked I said I was sorry. And than we got in a huge argument, I mean we've never fight like this. She said she hates the fact that I'm cheap, and all I care about is money. She then said she became my friend because I was lonely and she thought I needed a friend (this I know isn't exactly true, because if that was the case why would she invite me to do all these fun things with her when she has "better, closer, longer lasting friends" that she actually rarely hangs out with as she does with me. She than apologized, and said she didn't mean all of it. She said we'd just forget that the argument ever happened. So we did. After that, we went into her house. And we were just hanging out on her porch. She knows that I have a foot fetish, so she let me give her a foot massage. I can't help it, but I always get an erection when I'm around her. She said it's only natural, but she laughs at it and stares at it. And tries to kick it, knowing I have a foot fetish. That night we were walking her dog, and I put my arm around her shoulder and she grabbed my hand and put it on her breasts. She's done this before. She laughs and asks me why I'm so nervous when she does it. She also was squeezing my thigh, because when she does I get a harder erection. We were talking about masturbation, and she told me she orgasm'd five times a row the night before. I don't fully understand my this whole situation. I mean, I have a feeling she likes me more than a "best friend" but she's afraid to acknowledge it, because she hasn't been in a relationship in over a year.

[johannsson35]

So things are going badly, or good depending how you see it. For the past two weeks she's been EXTREMELY hard to contact. She rarely answers her texts, or Facebook. She claims she's SO busy with her room and or working. She works maybe two nights a week. And her room DOESN'T take two weeks to clean. I've been in it several times, it's not that dirty. She makes it out to be a giant pigsty. We were supposed to hang out on Wednesday, so I got all ready and SHE never called, texted, or even messaged me. I texted her saying I'm glad we made plans and you just completely ditched them. She said she was "busy", and that FOR sure we'd hang out Friday. Today is Friday, I asked her if we're going. Sorry, she has a garage sale. She had one last Friday. She didn't even say sorry, or if we'd hangout tomorrow, Sunday, etc.. She messaged me about her friend in Colorado (He's fine), and I told her it's good he's fine. And than she said "Thanks for leaving me hanging, I'm leaving now" I didn't message her for a MINUTE and she gets mad. I don't understand, what the hell did I do to deserve this? Sure, I'm ignorant, selfish, boring, and short but still? I've given her another chance, and she just takes me for granted. The time has come for me not to be "available". I'm going to become hard to contact. I don't care how "busy" she is, if she was really my friend she would make time for me. Instead of just ignoring me and claiming she's so busy. SHE always makes time for me, and I always make time for her. Now she's too "busy".

[johannsson35]

Is anyone still reading this thread?

[talaniman]

You dim wit! Your quest for a title is causing you to miss the fun, and miss all the signals. She keeps you attached, and gives you enough to blow your mind and keep coming back. Not only does this prevent you seeing other options and opportunities but gives her a boyfriend that she doesn't answer to.

You already have a no strings attached fun thing, yet you try to ruin it with talk of romance and becoming to attached and dependent to even think clearly. The simple solution is to balance your life with other things besides her, and stop letting her take the easy way out.

Drop hoping she changes your mind and makes things official, and all this goo goo talk of love and romance and step back and see she what she is doing to you, and you let her. Then maybe you can appreciate,and enjoy the experience while it lasts.

She is the one that's lonely, and needs a friend, or better put, a safe male friend. One that gives enough attention but doesn't get to deep... SAFE!

The best part, she doesn't have to go through the heart break of dumping you! But you have made yourself too available and compliant. You need a better balance my friend, or you will cause yourself a lot of grief. How old are you both? Tell me you have a happy life without her, and are not just pursuing virgin LUST!

Sorry about the dim wit remark. I should have used something less derogatory like inexperienced,or carried away.

[joypulv]

You don't seem to understand two very basic things:
One is that she enjoys leading you on and teasing you and getting you turned on.
The other is that you expect her to be rational, and she isn't. Her irrational behavior is all part of her act - 'I have to clean my room' is a famous put down, like saying she has to go watch paint dry or grass grow. Getting mad at you for not texting when she has avoided you for 2 weeks is also part of the act, to get you frustrated and hurt and confused and guilty and full of longing.
You ARE being a dim wit. You are being used. You keep coming back here to tell worse and worse stories, and won't dump her for good, and tell her exactly what she is.

[johannsson35]

Both of you are correct. I am stupid, and I need to realize she's not my real friend. She has no true feelings towards me, and it's hurting me. @talaniman, don't apologize. What you said it true, I am a dim wit. To answer you're question: I'm 18, she's 19. Also I realize now, we only became best friends after her boyfriend broke up with her over a year ago.

[johannsson35]

ALSO: What do you mean by 'safe'? Also, I'm not her boyfriend. I've asked her out twice before, and she said no. Or that she wasn't ready for another relationship. Even her niece told me that she thinks she told me there'd be a chance only to save me the emotional pain and keep me close by. Her parents are very nice though. They don't know that I love her more than a friend. They're foreign, so I'm not sure how they'd react if I told them. But I think I will have too, because they will wonder why I cut myself off completely from her.

[LOLlover]

Look you seem really sweet and true to her and trust me I know about the"friend Zone" completely and honestly it sucks.so my advice is that sit down and talk to her and explain to her that youur effection for her and if you cry then cry.

By the way(off topic) but by the picture you are cute and could land an equliy amazing girl just put yourself out there

[talaniman]

ALSO: What do you mean by 'safe'? Also, I'm not her boyfriend. I've asked her out twice before, and she said no. Or that she wasn't ready for another relationship. Even her niece told me that she thinks she told me there'd be a chance only to save me the emotional pain and keep me close by. Her parents are very nice though. They don't know that I love her more than a friend. They're foreign, so I'm not sure how they'd react if I told them. But I think I will have too, because they will wonder why I cut myself off completely from her.

Safe is 'no pressure" and though she has rejected you twice for a title, you still act like a couple. Lets be clear, you owe her parents no explanation, that's for her to do, and I see no reason to even involve them in this.

Just do what you have to without the drama and confusion, and get on with it.

She wants to finish college and get her career started before any relationships. She also told me, before and again that there is a chance for her and I in the future.

Just curious as to how long before she is through with college?

[johannsson35]

@LOLlover: I've done that and it had no use, and believe me: I was crying. She didn´t care really, she said you can't force love and you have to let it happen. She said "We´re just bestfriends". Which is complete bull, as I think she's just using me.

@talaniman: What if she lies to her parents and makes up some story? I'd rather tell them the truth and be honest than live a lie and carry the guilt.
Also, she's at a tech school. She has about one year left.

[mmresd]

She knows you like her, and she will continue to lead you on as long as you tease her, with her signs is probably not that hard taking it where you wants things to go, but all the romantic feelings with someone who is wanting to play will keep you from having fun. Take control of the situation, instead of letting her lead, you are in a very comfortable spot, stop being shy, make a move, if she says no, then withdraw completely, she will come to you if she wants it, if not, then at least you don't waste any more of your time. Don't just accept the dumb choices, change it.