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leanne2012 · Jun 27, 2012, 02:37 PM

My daughters father walked out on me when I was 6 months pregnant.my daughter is now 2yrs old.he is paying csa his name is not on my daughters birth certificate,yet now he wants too see her.I have never stopped him from seeing my daughter from day one but he chose not to.he has now threated me with court action.what do I do? it has come to a time in my life after never stopping him visiting my daughter in the first place( he just never visited ) to just shut the door on him.I have told him that I will be looking forward to his solicitors letter.he does pay child maintenance but has threatened to stop that as he is now asking for a DNA test.my father has been down this route himself many years ago but he was married to his sons mother . I didn't marry my daughters father ( thank god ).my father has told me that I have nothing to worry about an told me to say nothing to my daughters father and wait to see if I get a letter from his solicitor.. is my father right to say to me to say nothing? look forward to hearing from anyone with advice on this matter.

JudyKayTee · Jun 27, 2012, 02:45 PM

Does he pay support? Has DNA been done?

leanne2012 · Jun 27, 2012, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Does he pay support? Has DNA been done?

He does pay support. No DNA has ever been done.however I did mention to him that if he feels that my daughter isn't his ( believe me he rely does know she is his daughter )then there is nothing stopping him from getting a DNA.

ScottGem · Jun 27, 2012, 03:01 PM

Is he paying support by court order or voluntarily? If it's the result of a court order then he has already been declared the legal father and a DNA test may be irrelevant. Nor can he stop paying then.

If its not by court order, then he will have to go to court for visitation. And he is likely to win.

leanne2012 · Jun 27, 2012, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Is he paying support by court order or voluntarily? If its the result of a court order then he has already been declared the legal father and a DNA test may be irrelevant. Nor can he stop paying then.

If its not by court order, then he will have to go to court for visitation. And he is likely to win.

Child support wasn't done via any court order.I totally understand the fathers out there who's ex partner/partners will not let the father see there child/children,but in my situation I have never once stopped my daughters father from seeing her.he chose not to come and visit.im just angry that he now wants too see her.I have been getting sms messages from him with threats.I have saved these messages for future reference .I would have thought had he sawt out leigal advice then he would have been advised not to contact me whatsoever.

ScottGem · Jun 27, 2012, 03:15 PM

I understand you anger at him ignoring your child for 2 years and now wanting to be a part of her life. The problem is, the courts will simply look at this as a change of heart. If he is not a danger to your child then the court will award some visitation.

leanne2012 · Jun 27, 2012, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I understand you anger at him ignoring your child for 2 years and now wanting to be a part of her life. The problem is, the courts will simply look at this as a change of heart. If he is not a danger to your child then the court will award some visitation.

Can I say a big thank you for all your reply s.I will await a solicitors letter from him and take the matter in due course.There isn't any danger.Apart from him smoking drugs and his brother being a drug dealer,I am just looking out for my daughter as she is my life and she should be in an environment where she seen non of these activities. Again many thanks

JudyKayTee · Jun 27, 2012, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Is he paying support by court order or voluntarily? If its the result of a court order then he has already been declared the legal father and a DNA test may be irrelevant. Nor can he stop paying then.

If its not by court order, then he will have to go to court for visitation. And he is likely to win.

In the US - and I think it's the same in the UK - DNA testing will confirm paternity.

The Court will determine what is in the best interest of your child. If you have PROOF that he is unfit, that she will be in danger, that will affect the way visitation is ordered.

I realize he is unfit now - was he when you got pregnant? Did you have a clue what he's all about?

I would NOT be threatened - no matter how this plays out I would not put up with the entire "what I'm going to do" thinking. Ignore him until you are served.

Ask for supervised visitation - in the presence of an unrelated, neutral party.

leanne2012 · Jun 28, 2012, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

In the US - and I think it's the same in the UK - DNA testing will confirm paternity.

The Court will determine what is in the best interest of your child. If you have PROOF that he is unfit, that she will be in danger, that will affect the way visitation is ordered.

I realize he is unfit now - was he when you got pregnant? Did you have a clue what he's all about?

I would NOT be threatened - no matter how this plays out I would not put up with the entire "what I'm going to do" thinking. Ignore him until you are served.

Ask for supervised visitation - in the presence of an unrelated, neutral party.

Thank you very much Judy for you honest reply as have all the other comments.
He left me when I was 6 months pregnant and the reasons he gave me was that he wasn't ready to be a father.when our daughter was born he came round to see her when she was 2 weeks old ( thts it not herd a word from him since).yet we lost a child 9 months before.however when someone is smoking drugs one would indicate that the person is in no fit mind to look after a 2yr old child.yes he does pay child support,no we never got married.I did give him the chance to meet me at the births/deaths and marriages to register our daughter,he never turned up so this sais a lot of this person.many men out there who would love to see there child/children don't even get any chance to see them yet I have never once stopped him seeing his daughter in the early months.all I have said o him was that should he now wish to see her then he will have too take me to court,I am the one who has changed her dippers/nappies,I am the one who has put up with the teething stages and the sleepless nights not him.yet he feels he can just turn up out of the blue and demand to see my daughter.. I think not .so lets see what the judge would think about a person like him .my heart does go out to all fathers in a different situation.. I shall keep you informed as too how I get on..

ScottGem · Jun 28, 2012, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by leanne2012

yes he does pay child support,...yet he feels he can just turn up out of the blue and demand to see my daughter..... .so lets see what the judge would think about a person like him

I'm afraid a judge will think here is a guy who was honest about not being ready to be a father, but stood up to his responsibilities and supporting his child. He's gotten older and matured and is no ready to be a father.

A judge is going to look at that and award him some level of visitation.

JudyKayTee · Jun 28, 2012, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by leanne2012

thank you very much Judy for you honest reply as have all the other comments.
he left me when i was 6 months pregnant and the reasons he gave me was that he wasn't ready to be a father.when our daughter was born he came round to see her when she was 2 weeks old ( thts it not herd a word from him since).yet we lost a child 9 months before.however when someone is smoking drugs one would indicate that the person is in no fit mind to look after a 2yr old child.yes he does pay child support,no we never got married.i did give him the chance to meet me at the births/deaths and marriages to register our daughter,he never turned up so this sais alot of this person.many men out there who would love to see there child/children dont even get any chance to see them yet i have never once stopped him seeing his daughter in the early months.all i have said o him was that should he now wish to see her then he will have too take me to court,i am the one who has changed her dippers/nappies,i am the one who has put up with the teething stages and the sleepless nights not him.yet he feels he can just turn up out of the blue and demand to see my daughter..i think not .so lets see what the judge would think about a person like him .my heart does go out to all fathers in a different situation..i shall keep you informed as too how i get on ..

My heart hurts for you - you do the work and he steps in for the applause and the easy part. A LOT of people post on AMHD, don't like the answers and honest opinions, get all upset and nasty. You didn't. I find that in your favor. You present how you think, how things are clearly, rationally, nice work.

I think he will get some visitation - it is up to you to do what you've been doing - protecting your child, making sure she is safe, PROVING what the father is about, expressing your feelings and thoughts without appearing to be creating a vendetta.

I hope it works out - yes, please keep us informed

(I also very much appreciate the thank you - I post a lot, I tell it like I see it, that isn't always a virtue! So - thanks)

ScottGem · Jun 28, 2012, 04:38 PM

I wanted to add while I think a judge will see it the way I said, that doesn't mean I agree with it. I'm kind of torn here. There should be consequences for a parent turning their back on a child, even if they come to their senses later on. On the other hand a child deserves to know both parents.

So, the fair thing is for him to get limited, maybe supervised, visitation, until he can prove he can be a good father.