[charcoal sprite]

When my 12 yr old son goes to his fathers for the weekend, his father insists on sharing a bed with him. My son is not comfortable with this but is too scared to say anything to him. My other son is also sharing the room (he is 7) but sleeping in a single bed. My two sons are happy if they have to share a bed, and would rather do that if their father is sleeps in the single bed, but surely it would be better if they slept in their own beds and their father on the sofa. I wanted to know if there is anything legal that I can use to make the point for my 12 year old as if I have no back up my ex will just ignore it.

[ScottGem]

No nothing illegal about it unless there is something else making your son uncomfortable. However, if he is more comfortable sharing with his younger brother then he should tell his dad.

[jenniepepsi]

There is nothing illigal or wrong about bed sharing. But EVERYONE must be OK with it. And if he is uncomfortable, he needs to talk to his dad about it. Give him encouragement. Let him practice on you (pretend you are dad, and he can talk to you about it) he can write a letter to his dad. Or something.

And YOU talk to his dad. Dad is the adult, and even if the kids aren't ready to talk to dad about it, he needs to know how the kids are feeling. You and him sit down and discuss it. It may help if dad can bring it up to to the 12 year old himself, isntead of waiting for the boy to bring it up.

Just because its something that does need to be asked, has the 12 year old been sexually abused at all? (by ANYONE, dad or not) as this can cause sleep anxiety.

Good luck

[Alty]

Does dad have the option of giving the boys their own room, or one they can share, or is there only the one bedroom.

Fact is, your son is not comfortable with this sleeping arrangement, and it is a bit worrisome. I find it odd that the 7 year old gets his own bed, but a preteen has to share a bed with his dad. The 7 year old would be less likely to complain about having to share a bed with dad. The preteen is a preteen, growing up. He needs his own space.

[jenniepepsi]

I agree, if space was an issue the 7 year old sleeping with dad would make more sense. A teen really does need his own space!

[joypulv]

I'm a little concerned that the 12 year old is too scared to bring this up with his dad.
Do you know if the word 'scared' is what he means, or is it just an uncomfortable subject to bring up?

[Alty]

I agree, if space was an issue the 7 year old sleeping with dad would make more sense. A teen really does need his own space!

Exactly. A 7 year old is still a child, and probably won't care if he has to sleep in the bed with dad, unless there's something else going on that's making the 12 year old feel uncomfortable about dad, which is really something mom should be asking her 12 year old about.

But, I have a 13 year old. It's not an easy age. They're still children in many aspects, but also teens, on the verge of becoming adults. It's a confusing time, and it's a time when they need to be able to have their own space, and separate themselves from childhood a bit. Sharing a bed with dad, it's not cool, and confusing at this age.

If the 12 year old is not comfortable, he should not be forced to sleep in a bed with dad, even if there aren't any laws to prevent it. Dad should be more sensitive to how the preteen feels. But, the 12 year old really does need to talk to dad about this, and if he can't, I'd once again have to question why.

[jenniepepsi]

Yeah I asked that question. I haven't gotten an answer yet :( and I hope the answer isn't what I think it is! From the 12 year olds that I know at least, I can't imagine them doing something they don't like, and then refusing to talk about it. The 12 year olds I know have NO problem saying NO to something they don't want.

[Alty]

yeah i asked that question. i havent gotten an answer yet :( and i hope the answer isnt what i think it is! from the 12 year olds that i know at least, i can't imagine them doing something they dont like, and then refusing to talk about it. the 12 year olds i know have NO problem saying NO to something they dont want.

Same here, especially if the person doing something they don't like is a parent. My son is 13. If he's upset at me, or doesn't like something, he has no problem expressing it, none at all.

But, as someone that went through molestation at a young age, I can say that I had a very hard time expressing myself. When the cousin that molested me came to babysit, I never once told my parents why I threw a fit, or cried, or begged them to stay home. They thought I was just being a brat. The truth is, I was terrified, and was hoping they'd do something to stop it without me having to tell them what was going on.

The mom needs to start asking this 12 year old child, why he's afraid to tell his dad that he doesn't want to share a bed with him.

The mom also needs to question why dad is insisting that the 12 year old share a bed with him, instead of letting the two brothers share a bed, and dad sleeping in a bed by himself.

[Fr_Chuck]

I guess my concern is that the poster sort of made it sound that they were afraid of some improper sexual thing gong on. But then the 7 year old is also in the room.

Next if the 12 year old does not like it ( or is it the mother who does not like it and looking for something to fight about ) But why does not just speak to the father about it