[aliceinwonder]

Just because I can’t get it out of my head I figured I’d post about this.

The guy who played me I’ve known for 10 years, so we have a pretty extensive history. At the same time he probably wouldn't even talk about me to his friends or acknowledge my existence, so we're off to a great start. Basically at the start of our friendship the whole thing was pretty one sided. This guy was into me and I didn’t really return the feelings. We hung out and sometimes would cuddle but really I considered him more of a friend. We both dated other people, but remained friends always talking and relying on each other. Always very open about our feelings, that kind of thing. About 3 years ago this guy let’s call him Joseph, asked me to split up with my long term boyfriend to be with him. Prior to this I had cheated on boyfriends with Joseph. He was always hitting on me and that kind of attention turned into affection for him.

So I dumped my long term boyfriend and told Joseph. We slept together for the 1st time but I thought it definitely meant something because it felt like Joseph had been chasing me for a few years. So now I’m essentially "single" with a causal relationship with Joseph. It suited me just fine. This causal relationship has now lasted for about 3 years and our friendship has just started fizzling. Joseph barely speaks to me except to tell me he doesn’t like me that way. I can accept someone’s' feelings changing except we slept together like maybe a month ago. So I find it all very confusing, except he never talks to me outside of the sex. We hook up like every few months and sadly I’ve been initiating it for the past year I’d say.

I want to quit, but he's like a drug I can’t give up. I think it’s safe to say I’m in love with him, but he never shies away from telling me "it’s just sex" for him. So I feel like, most of the time, and can’t move on. I hate him, he makes me so mad and I think about him mostly all day. Sucks because if he were to call me though, I’d probably forget all the anger and just go over. At least that’s what usually happens. I just need advice on how to move on. I don’t even want to, but I can’t keep feeling so pathetic.

Thx

[amicon]

You move on by saying no thanks when/if he calls you again.

He's telling you ''it's just sex'' so find the self respect to go no contact and detox from this destructive situation.

Go cold turkey.

[joypulv]

It sounds like you can't let go for the very reason that you're hurt and want to find some shred of love from him before you can leave. This isn't going to happen, so the only solution is to find out what about you is low in self esteem. See a therapist or read or just do a lot of thinking and writing about your life - have you hung on like this before? Did either of your parents?
The other part of the solution is to replace the need for him or for a man in your life with something enriching to you, something that you don't need anyone else (not intimate anway) to help you achieve. Learn a new skill, anything. And spend more time with 'friends' who are just friends!

[aliceinwonder]

Thanks. Id like to say "ive tried this before". And I have? To an extent. Usually ill go a few months going 'cold turkey' and then the cycle starts all over again. Its more just a mental block- as I said I think about this moron daily, due to our history. So I'm just trying to find ways to Let go and focus on other things. I was/am looking more for tips or suggestions on how to forget exes & deal with the memories that seem to haunt me like a plague. Gah

[talaniman]

Lets be real, he didn't play you. It was a mutual FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS casual sex relationship.

Now to break contact, and stay that way, read the stickies here.

[aliceinwonder]

Thank u! Friends with benefits was Exactly what he signed up for- best answer yet lol because you understand what I explained. Thanks for the stickies! Reading some now