[monicagems]

We've been together for almost 2 years and I still love him, but I don't want to be in this relationship anymore.
A few months after we started dating, I found out that he was depressive but I loved him so much I didn't care. He didn't trust me, was afraid of me cheating on him or something like that. He didn't only care about what I could do, also about everything I had done before. He was obsessed with my life and every single contact I had had with boys, he wanted to know absolutely everything and our happy days became hell, because everything he did was asking me about all of that stuff. Also, I knew that he had been seriously considering suicide a little before we met, therefore I became his reason to live. He felt bad for asking me all of that and being always in such mood, so he even started going to the psychologist and studying harder because he aimed a better life with me.
I've been bearing with all of this because I love him; I've lost all my friends, I've given a lot of trouble to my family and I've dropped from school.
Lately he's been telling me his plans about our future life, and I've realized that I'll never be able to do any of the many things I've always wanted to do, or have the lifestyle I've always dreamed of.
I'm still young, I'm 18 and right now I can bear with our situation (though it's still quite uncomfortable, I can see he's improved) but when I think of how I'll feel in the future, I just want to kill myself. Yes, I'm depressive too now and I hate it, because I was completely the opposite before I met him, I loved life and everything was just beautiful.
I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, it's making me turn into the kind of person I've always hated, and I know I won't be able to stand this for any longer. Problem is that, as I said before, I'm his only reason to keep living. He doesn't say that to threaten me or to keep me by his side, he's serious. I feel that I can't do this to him, he has no friends or family to support him, he'd be completely alone with no reason to live.
I've considered killing myself to escape this situation, but I know he'd feel even worse if I did.
Another problem is that we're supposed to be going on a long trip this Summer break and I think I won't be able to bear with all of this during such long period. I have less than one month to do all of this, I really don't know what to do.
Sometimes I'm very confident and determined about my decision to leave him, but whenever I think of how he'd react, I can't help myself but crying and wanting to die. He's very excited about our trip and whenever he tells me about all the things he wants to do there, I feel disgusting and shameful.
Please I need help as soon as possible. I know I shouldn't spend my life in a relationship I don't want to be in, but he'd be completely alone, with no hopes, aims, nothing. I can't do this.