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sunshinegirl · Feb 19, 2007, 11:35 AM

My BF and I have been dating for a year and a half, and have been completely in love and enjoying every minute of everyday in each others company.
Just recently he expressed his feeling about sex to me, he stated that he could/would like to have more with me (currently its every other day). I said that I love our intimate times together and I would have no problems forefilling his needs.
However... just recently he has been making some passive comments towards me for example.

I mentioned a concert I would enjoy seeing, but it isn't until October and I thought it would be fun to go together. He said "Who knows we might not even be together then".

Then one day we were talking about moving to another state, and I told him all we have to do is make a plan and save up some money and we can do it. He said "Oh, your going to move too?".

Then last week we were talking about what our plans were for next weekend, and I asked him if we are still going to Virginia to celebrate his sisters birthday. He said "Well yea, I am going to go". (and he said "I")

I have no idea what is going on or what failed where. Any information would help, because I don't know what to do, anyone have any similar situations? Advise? Help!

Wildcat21 · Feb 19, 2007, 11:52 AM

One - pull back - do other things. He's part of your life - not your life.

Are you getting ga little too needy lately?

Two - sit dow nand talk - you have talk. It's SOUNDS like you're MIND READING - no one is a mind reader - no one.

It sounds like you don't know what he is thinking.

Sit down and talk - really talk. Get REAL answers.

Commuication is king!!

valinors_sorrow · Feb 19, 2007, 12:15 PM

I call that "passive-aggressive" enough (or in Wildcat's language-- "testing" LOL and now we see that women aren't the only ones who do this either :rolleyes: ). I would lovingly call him out on it and get real feelings on the table. Either tell him what you've experienced so far and ask him to explain or wait until he does it again (no doubt he will) and ask, siting these others along with what he just did. If you two are close enough to be having sex every other day, then you certainly are adult enough to quit with the head games too. Ugh! If he can't quit or step up and talk more direct than that, then you best be prepared to quit him or you'll be in for a lot more heartache, sweetie.

Wildcat21 · Feb 19, 2007, 03:02 PM

YES! I agree - it is a test. He's seeing what he can get away with.

Listen to Val - she said it best.

You sound like you don't deserve the head games. You sound like a great gal. Tell him to cut the BS.

magnewna · Feb 19, 2007, 04:19 PM

It sounds like he is trying to get you to break up with him because he is afraid to do so. He doesn't see you in the future no longer, but doesn't want the confrontation of breaking up either.

It is the chicken s*#t way of trying to get you to finally get upset about the relationship and end rather then him do it.

chuff · Feb 19, 2007, 05:23 PM

I think he wants out of the relationship or at the very least some space. I think he says these things because he wants you to start questioning the relationship and eventually break it up for him.

talaniman · Feb 19, 2007, 05:46 PM

I think you both are in it for the sex and the communications sucks, so you have resorted to fantasy nonsense, and your mad cause he has what he wants and you don't. Sorry to sound harsh but nothing in your posts says love.

sunshinegirl · Feb 20, 2007, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by magnewna

It sounds like he is trying to get you to break up with him because he is afraid to do so. He doesn't see you in the future no longer, but doesn't want the confrontation of breaking up either.

It is the chicken s*#t way of trying to get you to finally get upset about the relationship and end rather then him do it.

Wow, looking at your comment, I totally agree. I asked him yesterday if he was still going to Virginia this weekend, and he said "Yes, your going too right?" and I said "if you want me to, I thought you wanted to go by yourself, cause when I asked you the other day you said I am going to go (just him)" and he said "No, of course I want you to go with".

But then today he called me at work and was just joking around on the phone and he said something funny and I called him a girl... and he said "I am a girl?? Well then you are a boy, and now we can't be together anymore, I'll have your stuff packed up and put in the spare bedroom by the time you get home" then he said he had to get back to work, and I couldn't talk to long or loud on the phone since I am at work... so it went unresolved again!

I think he wants to break up with me, but I want to know that is what HE wants, in other words I would like him to break up with me because I love him and would be willing to work it out if he put some effort in... (the problem is he is scared to talk! He won't just come out and say it, I'll ask him if he wants a break and he will say no, but I know that he wants to break up, I can just feel it when I look at him... I am just so shy I don't know where to begin... plus I usually end up crying for no reason)

valinors_sorrow · Feb 20, 2007, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you both are in it for the sex and the communications sucks, so you have resorted to fantasy nonsense, and your mad cause he has what he wants and you dont. Sorry to sound harsh but nothing in your posts says love.

After reading the latest post here I am inclined to agree, Tal.

I mean, COME ON, this here doesn't even make sense!? :eek:

Originally Posted by sunshinegirl

I think he wants to break up with me, but I want to know that is what HE wants, in other words I would like him to break up with me because I love him and would be willing to work it out if he put some effort in

Mr Passive-Aggressive game player... meet Ms Mind-Reader game player. LOL

Wildcat21 · Feb 20, 2007, 03:18 PM

See - you keep giving up all your power to him.

He's imature nad playing games.

Go find a real man who loves you won't play these silly games. Ge has all the power and you know it.

Wildcat21 · Feb 20, 2007, 03:19 PM

Val - your last comment - perfect!!

WHY do women expect guys to read their minds? I been down that road about 1 million times.

s_cianci · Feb 20, 2007, 07:28 PM

Discuss your concerns with him directly and forthright. Be prepared to hear what you may not want to hear but in this case I think that direct and honest communication will go a long way towards alleviating your doubts and concerns, even if the result isn't what you'd hope for.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 21, 2007, 09:08 AM

sunshinegirl disagrees: Rude and pointless answer.

My poor call, and I apologise for that. I thought I could maybe, just maybe, shock you out of your denial, and see that two wrong won't make a right and apparently all I did was hurt you and give rise for you to deepen it. Forgive me.

Quietly unsubscribes to this thread as I can no longer be helpful.

Wildcat21 · Feb 21, 2007, 10:18 AM

Val - I didn't think it was rude at all - this gal needs to wake up and smell the coffee!! No more mind reading!!

think_pink · Feb 21, 2007, 10:30 AM

Don't let him take over your life . Your life isn't only him ! And second talk to him and get some answer find out what he's thinking by asking him

sunshinegirl · Feb 21, 2007, 10:34 AM

I thank everybody for the helpful advise and tips. We are currently discussing our relationship and will come to a resolution pretty quickly. Its nice to have other peoples opionions. I still feel name calling is inappropriate and rude.

Wildcat21 · Feb 21, 2007, 11:28 AM

She wasn't name calling - she telling you both of your roles in this. She was exactly right.

It's great your talking - and KEEP talking - BUT listen - really listen. WHY does he feel this way - WHAT is pushing him away?? You might not even realize what you do to push him away.

sam4ever · Feb 21, 2007, 06:25 PM

Originally Posted by sunshinegirl

My BF and I have been dating for a year and a half, and have been completely in love and enjoying every minute of everyday in each others company.
Just recently he expressed his feeling about sex to me, he stated that he could/would like to have more with me (currently its every other day). I said that I love our intimate times together and I would have no problems forefilling his needs.
However...just recently he has been making some passive comments towards me for example.

I mentioned a concert I would enjoy seeing, but it isn't until October and I thought it would be fun to go together. He said "Who knows we might not even be together then".

Then one day we were talking about moving to another state, and I told him all we have to do is make a plan and save up some money and we can do it. He said "Oh, your going to move too?".

Then last week we were talking about what our plans were for next weekend, and I asked him if we are still going to Virginia to celebrate his sisters birthday. He said "Well yea, I am going to go". (and he said "I")

I have no idea what is going on or what failed where. Any information would help, because I don't know what to do, anyone have any similar situations? advise? Help!

Okay so I think maybe you should sit down and tell him how YOU are feeling. And ask him for his feelings, I think that should work