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CFitzgerald1 · May 22, 2012, 02:25 PM

I need to get some unbiased opinions. I am with my boyfriend who I am completely in love with. I have been with other guys but felt nothing compared to what I feel for this guy. I know it is real, and I know if certain events in the past hadn't happened he is the one I believe I should be with for life.
I need to give some past events which is not going to show me in a good light. I am in university and was part of a mixed group of friends from the beginning. Some boys and some were girls. At the start of our uni years the boy and the girl started having sex and started going out. I was equally friends with both of them. We all lived together during our first and second year. Then in the third year the girl went away. This is where my and the guy became really close.
I always felt a connection with him from the moment I met him. I fell in love with him. I know what I did to my friend who was away on a year out is awful. But I genuinely could not stop it, I have never felt such a need to be close or around someone. This guy is my best friend. During this year he cheated on this girl with me. Anyone who has been in love, will know how weak it makes you. We never had sex but did everything else. I stopped speaking to this girl who was in another part of the county because I couldn't bear to lie to her.
I couldn't talk to any of my other friends about it because we were all in the same group. This guy told me that he did care for this girl and he did love her but he wasn't in love with her and he didn't know what to do about it. He was being a completely coward about it. But I didn't have the strength to ask him or tell him I had fell in love with him...
however cutting it short. The girl came back at the end of the year.it was the first time id seen her face to face. It was the first time all 3 of us were together. He broke up with her, and she suspected something had happened between us but never knew it had. He was with her for over 2 years. And had never cheated on her or previous girlfriends before.

When uni ended during the summer we started seeing each other properly, he was warned me that he couldn't be with me. I understood seeing as he had just come out of a relationship. But I trusted him. During the summer the more we seen each other the more it felt like a relationship. He told me he was in love with me too. During that summer I didn't ask if he had been getting with anyone else I just sensed he hadn't. He had another year at uni, and I would be away from him. So I brought up the talk about getting with other people. I said I loved him and for that reason I didn't want him to get with other people, He was relucatant to put a boyfriend girlfriend title on us and just kept saying how much I scared him. Instead we settled on were not boyfriend or girlfriend but were not getting with other people - to which he replied so nothing has really changed then. He said that if we were boyfriend and girlfriend he would ruin it - because he is rubbish at making an effort. I didn't really understand but didn't care and took his word to not getting with other people.

His first week at uni, everything changed. He didn't call me or text me every day and sometimes would not reply to texts. I sensed something was up but thought he was just involved in the freshers week at uni and it would get back to normal afterwards. By the end of the second week I asked him straight out. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship he had just came out of one. He then tried to take it back, but it was too late for me. I was in bits but drove up to see him the next day, I said I understood why he needed the space. I said I don't think its best if we see each other or have any contact and ill speak to u in a couple of months. If space was what he needed I was willing to do that instead of losing him. He didn't try to stop me.

For the next month we had barely any contact.. apart from him a few drunk texts telling me he loved me. By 4 weeks I had enough I was in love with him and knew he was with me. Surely that should mean we should be together. He agreed and apologise and I arranged to go up and see him. Before I did this...
I found this out...
during the first week of freshers he had got with a random girl, and got a different girls number.

I was distraught I had understood he needed space but he hadn't had the decency to let me know first. He hadn't respected me. He broke the trust. Even though we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend we weren't getting with others surely that is the same thing??

since then we have given it a proper go official now. He has done everything he can to show how sorry he was. He kept a diary for 3 months, he calls me on every night out. He said how serious me and him are scared him. He has even tried to propose. Now I am just left with securities I think he is going to leave me for someone else. Do you think this will ever go away?

is our relationship doomed. I know you may think I have got what I deserve and I am a coompletly selfish. all of this is true. But I am soooo in love, its not an excuse but it is a reason.

thanks for any input . C x

mmresd · May 22, 2012, 02:50 PM

There is nothing for you to lose... he was never yours. You helped him cheat on his girlfriend and though that he would change for you? Someone who disrespected his relationship and therefore himself? Now he is free, free to do what he wants, and it seems that that is more attractive than being in a relationship with you.

Lesson learned. Don't mess with someone who is involved with someone else, and respect yourself and don't let yourself be played like this again in the future. There was no relationship ever, and there doesn't seem like there will be one, it is time to move on.

CFitzgerald1 · May 22, 2012, 11:29 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

There is nothing for you to lose... he was never yours. You helped him cheat on his girlfriend and though that he would change for you? Someone who disrespected his relationship and therefore himself? Now he is free, free to do what he wants, and it seems that that is more attractive than being in a relationship with you.

Lesson learned. Don't mess with someone who is involved with someone else, and respect yourself and don't let yourself be played like this again in the future. There was no relationship ever, and there doesn't seem like there will be one, it is time to move on.

I feel I need to add some more details. This is all in the past. We have been officially going out for 2 happy years now. And are closer and more in love then ever. I have had no reason to doubt him. He has sacrificed all privacy and has been patient with me. My insecurites don't seem to be about the present time. I am expecting next summer and moving in with him this fall. I seem to have insecurities and thoughts about things in the future that haven't even occurred.. e.g. what if he meets someone in a new job. I would like advise about dealing with this. Thank you.

CFitzgerald1 · May 22, 2012, 11:31 PM

Originally Posted by CFitzgerald1

i feel i need to add some more details. this is all in the past. we have been officially going out for 2 happy years now. and are closer and more in love then ever. i have had no reason to doubt him. he has sacrificed all privacy and has been patient with me. my insecurites don't seem to be about the present time. i am expecting next summer and moving in with him this fall. i seem to have insecurities and thoughts about things in the future that havent even occured.. eg what if he meets someone in a new job. i would like advise about dealing with this. thank you.

** expecting next spring!