[tjp2011]

Hey guys, I've never done this before so bare with me. Basically I need some advice, I'm thinking about leaving my fiancé. We've been together for 3 and a bit years and have a 16month old daughter. But I need to know that my reasons for leaving are justified and also to get it down on paper so I can see it like it's someone else...

I'll start somewhere near the beginning.

My fiancé is my best friends brother-in-law. We met through them and they immediately warned me off him as he had a long history of messy relationships. He was married young had 2 children divorced, met his ex girlfriend had another child and got kicked out. The reasons the broke up both the same... violence and distrust.
I had just come out of a 2 year stint of depression and sh...

But I felt a connection there - although looking back now it seems that it was the excitement, the lust, but for whatever reason I though he'd never do that to me... he loves me. The typical rubbish. Well the first year together was OK - he definitely had a temper but it was the odd shove out the way and a very rare push into the door or something. The thing that bugged me in the first year was his shouting, lack of respect and manipulation. But obviously at the time I didn't see it that way.

Then he started texting another girl very intimate messages and I found out. For a few weeks he was lovely and apologetic and said all the right things. Then suddenly we went out (with his 3 daughters) and he got drunk at a friends birthday. He was putting the girls to bed and started acting very stupidly and got a knife from the kitchen and pretending to hurt himself with it. His daughters were 12 / 9 / 7. I told him enough was enough as they were starting to freak out, and he slammed me into a wall... a week or so later I found out I was pregnant - but within 6 days of knowing I miscarried.

SO instead of focusing on our relationship my stupid head focused on needing a baby - I know how bad it sounds but I was grieving and my head was not clear. Anyway so a few months go by and I'm pregnant... things are OK (still arguing like mad and occasional shove or outburst in the car etc) until June 12th last year. Where he went mental - choking me, throwing me to the floor, kicking me all in front of our 8 month old daughter. I tried to leave, I've tried to leave so many times but he's always so sorry that I feel guilty... since then he has only hurt me once fairly minor compared to that. But all we do is argue and I'm turning into someone I don't recognise... I'm angry, I used to be chilled and calm and very easy going.

I feel really guilty cause I think he is trying but I don't want my daughter to grow up in such an angry and dishonest place. I want her to feel loved and safe. And I don't think we have that now. But he calls me all kinds of things and criticizes everything I do and don't do. He got drunk a few weeks ago and punched a banister and is now off work for 6 weeks leaving us financially screwed but still goes out drinking. Will he learn. Should I give him another chance? Or do I have the right to say we tried... no more?

Thanks x

[talaniman]

To put this bluntly... Run like hell, don't look back, and never let him close to you again. Get child support, and a restraining order, and suprvised visitation.

[LadySam]

Ditto, Violence only escalates, and this man seems to have no problem behaving this badly in front of CHILDREN? There is something very wrong here and with alcohol only compounding the problem, no, he does not get another chance. Point blank, get as far away as quickly as you can. There is no need for you to feel guilty for his behavior, the guilt will come if you continue to keep your child in this situation.