[sandman47]

I currently live in a different country to my children and I am desperate to be closer to them. I do see them for a few days about once a month when I visit or holidays when they visit me (at great expense which is becoming more and more difficult). But the goodbyes and tears are getting worse (mainly for me as the children seem to be adjusting better). I just can't cope with not being able to seeing them more regularly.

They are 12 and 14 and moved with my ex wife 3 years ago when our marriage broke down, she has a new partner and I have one here. We fell in love and I love my girlfriend very much, and where we live is nicer than where my children are (which is the home country of my ex and I and my new partner), we have good friends and social life etc. But I desparately want to be a regular part of my children's lives, maybe not on a day to day basis, but at least several times a week. My ex and I are on good terms so that would not be a problem, I can run my business from anywhere so that is not a problem either.

The problem is that my partner won't move. She does not want to be involved with my children anymore than she already is, she has a grown up daughter here who lives mainly with her Dad. We talked about this over a year ago and her answer was a definite no. She got tearful and said it would be the end of us. She doesn´t want to live down the road from my ex (although we live down the road from hers). Since then it has pretty much been something which we don't talk about.

My feelings have got stronger recently as my partner wants us to buy a house together. It is something I want too but I want to be close to my children first, until they are grown up.

I can't imagine my girlfriend not being in my life but I likewise I can't deal with being so far away from my children, I miss them terribly. What do I do? Move country close to my children so that I can see them regularly and be more involved in their lives but without the woman I love? Or stay and somehow come to grips with the situation?

[talaniman]

Obviously you won't get everything you want from this, so maybe a middle ground that allows you to spend summers with them in their own country, and see how it goes before you make a more extensive, decision, as teen agers have their own plans, and may resent you taking over their lives completely at this point in time.

Talk to them and your wife about it, then you will have facts to make such drastic changes.

Seems you lose something and HOPEFULLY gain something more. For sure the girl friend ain't budging. Don't expect that to change. What does the ex think?

[sandman47]

Thanks for the reply. The Ex is fine she would probably welcome it as it would give her more free time. I am in a state and don't know what to do for the best right now but I know I can't go on as I am.