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Matt1513 · Apr 28, 2012, 11:48 AM

We were really happy together but I started getting mad at her for little things she was drinking with her friend one her ex and I drove to see her the next day even though she didn't want to because I wanted to talk so she said we should be friends yet she says she still loves me but might have started liking her ex... What should I do to get her back?

talaniman · Apr 28, 2012, 06:47 PM

Talaniman Rule - Never get involved with some one thats still seeing the EX!!!

Your feelings just don't matter as much as the exes will, and she dumped you to avoid conflict while she still pursues him. Forget friends, back way of and keep you dignity and self respect, because even if you do hang around her as a friend, her heart will be somewhere else.

You don't get some one back my friend, they have to return on there own or it will mean NOTHING! If she comes back, it will be for comfort, NOT the love you hope for.

DISAPPEAR, heal, move beyond this misery, frustration, pain, and shock.

kayco123 · Apr 29, 2012, 12:48 AM

Leave! Had this happen to me. Leave now

GoldenHVAC · Apr 29, 2012, 02:00 AM

I really have to wonder if she fell head over heals in love with you or not?

Did she really like her ex, then he dumped her, and now she is still longing to be with him? I really have no details of what the ex did to separate from her, but if he dumped her, and is now trying to get back, she may still have had feelings for him, and wants to be with him. You are now in the way and by saying "Lets stay friends" she is probably just being polite in asking you to bug off, you will not be intimate again.

You really have to find out if she wants to be intimate with you or the ex. If she really wants to be with the Ex, there is no point in hanging around anymore. Sorry to be the third person to bring up the bad news, but I think it has happened.

However if she does not want to be with the Ex, then why did she see him in the first place?

I also think it is a lost cause, but you can still talk with her and find out if it is a lost cause, or still something worth making up. You do need to let her know that you feel very insecure when she is seeing a ex, and explain that both sides of the coin, how would she feel seeing you with a ex girlfriend, would that make her feel secure? Probably not.

Maybe she was meeting up with her ex to return something, or pick up items that he had kept for a while. Yet if she keeps seeing him, it indicates it is a lost cause, and she really wanted to be with him, you where just a temporary replacement.

Good luck,

I hope that something works out for you,

Fred.

Matt1513 · Apr 29, 2012, 07:23 AM

Well they apparently cuddled last night yet she said she loved me a few days ago and didn't know what she'd do without me. They broke up because he said I love you and she ran away, and the ex and her are friends, but she started liking him again, should I try and talk to her at school tomorrow? I know it sounds bad but I have always been depressed unless I'm with her... So any tips on how to win her back from her ex? She said I don't listen I'm going to work on that, we were friends for 2 years before dating so should we be friends again?

talaniman · Apr 29, 2012, 08:04 AM

When you get dumped you disappear and get your head together. Not spin your wheels on schemes and tricks. Then when your own head is on straight, you can consider friends again, or anything else.

There is no short cut to happiness, and depending on being with another as the basis for your happiness is like a dope fiend who needs a fix, and goes crazy when he can't get it.

Like she said, you are not listening.

Matt1513 · Apr 29, 2012, 12:57 PM

She says she still loves me but not a lot, so can I do anything...

talaniman · Apr 29, 2012, 01:43 PM

She loves you but doesn't want you back. Yes there is a lot you can do for yourself, nothing for her.

elliot2000 · Apr 29, 2012, 03:20 PM

It is possible for her to love you still, but right now she is more attracted to her ex. As others have said, leaving on your terms is the best way to make her choose you.

However, you can still attract her back by keeping things casual after your breakup. Continue being friendly and flirtatious with her after the fact. This is called "flipping the script". Basically you are putting her in the same position she had you in. It can work well if you are confident and persistent :)

Matt1513 · Apr 30, 2012, 02:56 AM

Now she says that all the feelings for me are gone... Do you think she's just saying that? How do I keep things casual... And do you still think I have a shot if she said that..

talaniman · Apr 30, 2012, 05:40 AM

You are persistent in wrecking your head. I think she just wants you to leave her alone about this love thing, so you need to do just that, and get your dignity, and self respect back,or I am afraid this will get worse for you, in her eyes. She has other things she would rather do without you.

You are stuck, and need to unstuck yourself. I doubt any would tell you to keep pushing for another chance, Sorry!

Matt1513 · Apr 30, 2012, 03:42 PM

Ya I know I'm an idiot for still trying even though she told me how much she likes this guy but I just can't give up on her... I don't know why I can't but we're almost back to how we used to be before dating.. So I'm just hoping that maybe she will fall for me again even though I highly doubt that..

talaniman · Apr 30, 2012, 04:44 PM

Maye you should examine why you can't let her go and do your own thing. I call it following your heart instead of your head. Putting feelings before facts.

In truth the reason you can't is because you don't want to. What is your head telling you? Facts only!

Matt1513 · Apr 30, 2012, 04:54 PM

I want to but it's hard... She's been texting me all daybut gets mad when dating or the past gets brought up so you honestly think there's no way to get her back?

talaniman · Apr 30, 2012, 05:08 PM

NONE AT ALL, and that's what her actions and words are telling you. No dating, no second chance. Just text buddies. Seems you are frustrating yourself, and she is very clear about rejecting all offers at romance.

You choose to ignore the obvious.

Matt1513 · May 1, 2012, 01:53 AM

There has to be some way to get her to feel that way for me instead of him again...

Kahani Punjab · May 1, 2012, 02:12 AM

Matt,
There is a lot going on, which you NEVER see, and the things which you see become important, and a proof or witness and a cause of disturbance. You have seen her with her ex, and that is the point, which should have turned a breaking point, but you say, he says he still loves you. Right? What is the proof? Is not it that he is a flirt and wants to relish all the flesh, which comes his way? Is it not that he wants to extract something monertary out of you? Can I ask if you compare yourself with his ex, what is your standing? Is not it that she might have been tempted by him (her ex) and now he might have dumped her again, that she still wants you as she might have come back...

Do not forget to click at HELPFUL or SUBMIT

JudyKayTee · May 2, 2012, 05:29 AM

Originally Posted by Matt1513

There has to be some way to get her to feel that way for me instead of him again...

You cannot make someone love you - in fact, you can't make anyone do much of anything.

I think you are chasing a dream. That's harsh, but I believe it's the truth.

Believe her words and actions.

mmresd · May 2, 2012, 10:33 AM

You don't, you accept her decision, and move on. She is still involved with someone from her past, until she is over that you need to back off. I would back off forever, why wait for someone who might never come around?

Matt1513 · May 6, 2012, 01:37 PM

My ex wants space but then a couple minutes later she'll start talking to me about the class were in together. People are saying to her that I'm saying she dumped me for her ex and she doesn't want to be close because of it. Even though I showed her I was defending her she says cool and blames me for spilling stuff on her arm and phone for her texting me and says she'll talk to me later, is she playing games with me? Because I still want to be with her but she's being really difficult right now and I have no idea how to get her back...