[aaleyah644]

Ok... My fiancŽ n I have sex everyday, but I'm never able to get into it... First off, he never holds or touches me in any romantic way, when he does 1 min later hell say "hey let me stick it in" yes such a turn on go ahead -_- I go w it so he can b pleased but the whole time I'm just irritated.. When he does "stick it in" it lasts about 1 min or 2 n then pushes me away once he's happy n got what he wanted... I never get any pleasure from it n when I start to actually like it its pointless because its already done.. He wants me to give him oral sex all the time, which I used to do constantly but now I feel, why should I keep giving him pleasure when I get absolutely NONE... I've talkd to him numerous times about it, but he laughs n says I just want to get mine... N frm being sexually frustrated I'm angry n snap at him all the time for little things.. I hate the person I've become, I do a lot of things for him as a fiancŽ should, but I get absolutely nothing in return, even sex wise... Ughhh help!

[Fr_Chuck]

So say no he can't just "stick it in" when not in bed explain that he is going to have to start pleasing you also, that foreplay can take 30 min or more at times and that if you don't start getting some fun and pleasure too, he will not either.

[aaleyah644]

If I don't hell ignore me until I let him... He doesn't want it to last long, he just wants to *** n move on through the day... Ive tried wearing outfits and sex swing, but its basically the same thing, but turns him on more and lasts shorter than usuall... I wouldn't mind the length of sex if I would get somethng out of it before hand

[Fr_Chuck]

So control it, so let him ignore you till he is ready you keep saying no for now.

[aaleyah644]

Hmmm... Ok ill try that.. I just hate when he ignores me its going to be hard. Thank you for replying

[odinn7]

Sounds like he's a worthless bum anyway... why are you putting up with him? Is this the man of your dreams? A guy who doesn't care about your needs and treats you as you claim in your other post is really someone that you should be walking away from.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ly-653201.html

[Cat1864]

More information: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ly-653201.html

This is about the relationship and not just sex. You do not sound like a couple who are learning to work together to build a future together.

Reading both of your threads, you need to sit down together, set boundaries for sex, going out, etc. that both of you can learn to live within. You need to learn how to communicate with each other and stop treating each other like the 'adult toys' your relationship started as.

If he isn't listening to you about this and he is doing things you don't like, then either get out, learn to live with it, or try counseling. A Marriage course just might give you both better tools to work with than the ones you have been using.

This isn't meant to be harsh. It is meant to get you to look at the full picture instead a piece here and there. You have a huge painting with red flags all over it. The issue is that the flashlight you are currently using is not showing you how interconnected all of the problems are.

Many of the problems can be taken care of if you work together. But he doesn't seem to want to work with you. It may be cliché but you can't change him. He has to want to make and keep the changes for himself. Just like you can only make changes for yourself and you, too, will fall back into old habits if the changes aren't what you really want.

I think you need to sit down and decide for yourself if this relationship is what you want. If 'love' is enough to keep you there or if you need to accept that 'engaged' is not working out and you were better off leaving the relationship as it started and not involving emotions.

If you think there is still a chance, look into counseling. If he won't go or do anything to help you fix the foundation, then you will know once and for all what the future holds.

Good luck and may you find the path that works best for you.

[aaleyah644]

Thank you for the replies... Makes sense, ill keep trying... I just don't want another failed relationship, everything in my life has been a failure n I'm trying to change that

[Cat1864]

Thank yu for the replies... Makes sense, ill keep trying... I just dont want another failed relationship, everything in my life has been a failure n im trying to change that

I don't look at it as failing. I look at it as learning what you will and won't put up with in a relationship. I consider you a winner if you figure out that this isn't working for you and walk away with your head held high.

If you are the only one putting in any effort now, it won't get any better.

Honestly, I think you started with concept of being sexual relief and didn't think emotions would ever become involved or you had a hope it would change from physical to emotional. He may have had thoughts that he was ready to settle down, but he hasn't shown it. I won't say that either of you are wrong. I will say he is acting very immature from what you describe of your sex-life (that's without getting into his cousin and that mess.)

I think you are at a very different stage of life than he is. You seem to want a stable and loving relationship. That isn't what you have, is it?

If you want a healthy relationship, start with making certain you are healthy and love yourself. Find yourself confidence. Discover what makes you feel happy and complete. Then you can find someone who enhances the positive aspects of your life and will work with you to communicate and compromise on the not so good parts. Just like you should be able to do for your partner.

I am going to suggest that you approach your next relationship from the standpoint of friends and dating. Don't allow it to become based on sex. Let it grow from common interests you can share outside the bedroom. I think you will find it much more satisfying.

Just keep this in mind, there are a lot of men out there. You don't have to pick one and try to change him into an ideal. You let him go and try a few more until you find the person who may have rough edges but works with you. As you communicate and compromise those edges start to fit better.

[smoothy]

Personally.. I think this is already a failed relationship... while you MIGHT get him to wise up... I'm more than willing to bet any improvement he makes will be temporary at best...

If he doesn't want to do those things from the heart... he will soon backslide.

I've actually known women like that... no concept of what making love was... just a hurry get get it over with... I decided teaching them was like teaching a pig to fly... you accomplish nothing and annoy the pig.

If you think this bothers you now... how about after 20 or 30 years of the same or worse?

[CatRoulette]

I know this is a few months old, but I was searching for others who are sexually frustrated (like myself) and found this. The comments your fiancé makes are cruel--laughing at you for wanting to orgasm? Saying "you just want to get yours".. Of bloody course you want to get yours--so does he, and he gets it.
If this is the way he talks to you, you need to consider how manipulative and selfish his behavior is. He clearly doesn't care about your needs or happiness (at least not in bed--he may be a prince outside the bedroom, but I'm skeptical if he's laughing at you for wanting to climax during sex).

Sorry if I've been a bit rude, but this really hurt me to hear. I've had a metric ton of failed relationships, but they failed because they were never going to work, no matter what I put into it. I don't want you to stay with someone who ignores your needs just because you don't don't want to deal with the heartbreak of losing the relationship--it's not sounding like it's much of a relationship as it is. You will be happier with someone who gives as much as they take...