[genegene]

Here are the facts:
I met her in a club about 6 months ago and we hit if off hard. I am no fool, so I was very careful and suspicious about EVERYTHING at the beginning, but things have smoothed out and we are in the beginning stages of a very mutually respectful and loving relationship. In fact, she has been much more consistent about her feelings, dedication, and respect than I have. I have learned a lot from her with regard to openness, and nonjudgemental love. Believe me, she is not hustling me, there are no hidden motives for either of us - just trying to make this relationship work. I think she is the most beautiful, kind, warm, exciting, wonderful woman I have ever met. She's perfect for me. I am a realistic guy, but I never want to leave her, and she feels the same way.

But I can't take her job. I am in pain every night she works, which can be up to 5, even 6 nights per week. She does not engage in sexual acts, or drugs, or alcohol, or anything else. The simple truth is that I don't like the idea that she shows off her body, engages guys in a seductive way to get paid, I'm just jealous. But I can't rationalize any way that I should not be. I think it's my prerogative to be possessive.

Please tell me how I can feel differently. It seems she truly needs to be doing this to get through school, pay her bills, etc. We have both tried to find some kind of real job for her to do, but either the economy or lack of degree is making this impossible. She understands that this is hard for me, but she does not understand why I am so jealous.

Please let me know where I am going wrong here - I need a ledge to stand on.

[indya]

Jealousy is a very natural emotion in any relationship. In moderation, it can actually tie the two more close together. But in extreme it can poison even the most deepest relationship. It's obvious for you to be jealous in such a situation, any guy would be. Do not try to eliminate your jealousy, you'll be fighting a losing battle. Instead try to control your jealousy.

Do not let it poison your relationship. Focus on the good parts of the relationship. She's not going to be a stripper all her life... Keep trying to find her a decent job, if nothing else, it'll at least help you to channelize your emotions positively by making you feel that at least both of you are trying to get her rid of that job.

I just have one question for you though, did you know of her job profile before you began a relationship? If yes, if it didn't bother you then, why is it bothering you now? If no, and you seriously cannot cope up with this, it's better that you separate.

[genegene]

I did know her job, met he at the strip club she worked in. Even though we had an almost immediate bond, I just never rationalized I could have a real relationship with this person. As time has passed and our feelings have grown, the jealousy has gotten stronger. What I am afraid of is that she will never quit.

[indya]

That's an irrational fear. As I mentioned earlier, she cannot keep her job forever. She will quit some day. To get rid of this fear, as her when is she planing to leave the job. Also, do give her an option to chose, a job she can switch to.

You must control your jealousy and fear or it will ruin the relationship.

[Fr_Chuck]

I have no idea where the idea that strippers are "bad people" come from, many are just women who use what ability they have to earn money. Most do not cheat, most do not have sex with the men there, and most up scale clubs control that there is no touching of the girls.

I have known many strippers though the years, many college students earning money for college to be all sorts of jobs from attorneys to doctors and more.
Others are married or divorced and need to support their families.

Some boyfriends go in and sit at the club where their wife works, others don't.
It is a matter of trust, if she was respectful and showed you no reason to doubt her why do ?

Next sorry you meet her at the club and she was stripping at the time, you can not expect or think she will change. Nor should she until she is ready to change.

[talaniman]

I think it's my prerogative to be possessive

No its not. Its your prerogative to be a good understanding partner who appreciates what he has and trust who he is with. If you cannot you should leave and not change her. The mature man doesn't get so carried away by his fears, and insecurities that he loses control, and ruins a good thing.

Either you will be a good partner who is mature and healthy, or NOT!!

What I am afraid of is that she will never quit.

Don't ask her too! Control your own fear, and don't ask her to change.

[mmresd]

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

You knew what you were going into from the beginning, either you learn to accept her JOB, or you break up with her and move on.

[Mibeauty1]

Well ask her to work only 4 to 5 nights. Since everybody always say you make 500 or more a night working less shouldn't hurt financially. If she cares for you more than money this shouldn't be a problem. I am not sure how much she is making but if it's already 1000 a week working 4 days why wouldn't you want to be at home with your boyfriend. The question is this? Do she love the attention more at the club by shanking her and rolling down the pole? Or cuddling with her boyfriend on the couch watching TV.

[goose clint]

My mind is lost all its ability to function... I can not even try and make my face smile. It started as a stripper at a high class, neat, classy club, and job description a dancer, then my mind still very new and confused in such a way it will always baffle me that she dances naked... I'm a guy and I know how men/ boys are with their sick thoughts... then she currently moved to another strip club in same area, same type but not as popular and from like 30 girls to 4 at her new job... some nights the income was not like any other job, quick easy as she says, Now I had just been fired from my job for attendance and always used drugs and a lot...
So now you can imagine every time my lover who too uses would have to go to work I choose to get hammered, stupidly and foolishly not realizing it don't numb my pain...
A good 5 months of this... me a wreck, no ambition, income, just a junkie with a an excuse to use., the story starts now when I talk about my pain... so ing sore inside that I have now got to a point of tooooo much to handle a normal civilized conversation with the girl who I actually love so much... dancing lead to call outs therefore more money, a lot more... and all that is to it is "oh just sex" not what you see it as, and I still perceveered and now I see that there are outings and massages, getting the men to buy her the perfume I couldn afford on her birthday, an excuse when I even try have sex, and mentally prepairing myself is hard as it is, and its always ends up with her saying you caused this by not working and using... well now I so damaged mentally I'm going to rehab,, and its going to be for mental management, as I have lost it... life is so unfair... does she love me ,it hurts she knows it does but loves her line of work... wish me luck... happinesss please I beg for u... c. brnd