[luvxoxo]

I have been married for 8 months to a man that I dated for 6 years. I just found out that two months before the wedding he had a one night stand, which is resulted in the girl getting pregnant. The baby was born last month, and now she wants him to establish paternity and pay child support. I am devastated and need help in deciding what to do. He is extremely remorseful and we had a perfect marriage. Now I see it was too good to be true. I am not a huge believer in divorce, but realize I may be able to get an annulment. I do love this man and the life we have created, but am not sure how I will get over this. Has any else been through something like this?

[Cat1864]

He does need to establish if he is the father. If he is, then he needs to take care of his responsibility. If he isn't, then he needs to stay away from that woman and her child.

That is his part. For you, if the child is not his, would you be able to forgive him and work toward rebuilding the trust? Would marriage counseling be an option for you?

If he is the father, then you also have to be able to put aside your feelings for the other woman and the negative feelings created by this situation and accept your husband's contact with her and the child. Could you interact with the child without blaming him/her for the transgressions of his/her parents? Is there any possibility that your husband would want custody of the child?

I am going to suggest marriage counseling as a way to determine if the marriage can survive. I think for your peace of mind that being able to talk face-to-face to a neutral third party might help you see your options and make a choice you can live with.

Personally, if you have any thought of staying just to 'punish' him for his betrayal, leave. If you can't trust him and don't feel that you will be able to allow the trust to grow again, then walk away now before the hurt and anger do even more damage to you and the relationship.