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marisa1389 · Feb 20, 2012, 10:14 AM

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 7 years and we are now expecting a baby. My mother has never really been a fan of his because of the few times we've broken up and how distraught I was over it. I feel like she should be more understanding of this and not completely blame him for our breakups. My boyfriend dislikes my mother because of the many times we have gotten into arguments and she has said the most hurtful things to me. He has had to console me many times over my fights with my mom. She is a very irrational person and its almost like having an argument with a child when we fight.

Recently she was upset about me moving in with my boyfriend and soon to be father of my child because she didn't have a place to live and felt like I was kicking her out of my place which she was staying at even though I had told her for many months that I would be moving and that she would need to find a place to live. That argument sent my boyfriend over the edge because she never apologized for the things she said to me and acted as if nothing had happened. She came over the other day to borrow our dryer because hers had broken and she had clothes that were wet from her washing machine. My boyfriend doesn't like interacting with her so he decided to go to the gym. She got here sooner than we thought she would and he was still home when she got here. He ignored her for the most part and then left.

When it was just her and I she asked me what was wrong with my boyfriend and I told her that he was upset with her. She threw a fit, grabbed her still wet clothes from the dryer and stormed out. I asked my boyfriend to apologize for being rude and he texted her an apology. I think he should have called and apologized but they don't really have a relationship where he would feel comfortable enough to call. She texted him back calling him an idiot and being very disrespectful. At this point he's had it and doesn't want to have any kind of relationship with her. She has asked me to choose between my boyfriend and her. She says that if I continue to stay in a relationship with him or don't get him to apologize to her face then she doesn't want to have a relationship with me.

I feel like she is being ridiculous but my mom has always been ridiculous when it comes to how she handles things. At this point I'm fed up with the whole thing and don't really know who to be upset with. Please leave your feedback.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 20, 2012, 12:05 PM

You are pregnant and don't need the stress. Stay out of their conflicts. Let them handle them. Don't pit one against the other. If you want to talk to your mother don't relay what is said to your boyfriend. If things are that bad between you two, stay away from her for a time.
Do you want you mother to have a relationship with her grandchild and how old are you and your boyfriend?

marisa1389 · Feb 20, 2012, 12:57 PM

My boyfriend is 25 and I am 23.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 20, 2012, 01:03 PM

So you have been dating this boy since you were a teen. Have they always had problems?
Do you want your mom to have a relationship with her grandchild?
I'd say keep your relationship with your mom and your boyfriend separate.

marisa1389 · Feb 20, 2012, 01:59 PM

Yes we've been dating since I was 16. They've always had problems but I kept them separate for the most part. Its just gotten harder recently since my boyfriend and I have moved in together. I do want my mom to have a relationship with her grandchild.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 20, 2012, 02:06 PM

Then you need to work on your relationship with your mom, but don't get stressed out by it. Spend time with your mom apart from your boyfriend. Let her know that you want her to be in the baby's life but you don't want to hear complaints about your boy friend from her. Tell him the same thing. This is going to be difficult enough with the friction between the two. It's really too bad because this baby does not need to be between this mess, Hopefully they both can find a way to get along for your sake and the baby's.

mmresd · Feb 20, 2012, 03:09 PM

You are trying things to work out with your boyfriend, and there is a baby on the way. Take care of yourself and the baby, those are your priorities, your mother is a grown woman and needs to learn how to take care of herself. If they don't like each other, then they don't need to see each other, but they care solve their own problem, no need to make them your own.

talaniman · Feb 20, 2012, 06:44 PM

Being between these two is like mixing fire, and ice. They can't be mixed so stop trying. Its not your place to make them have a relationship, its theirs so stay out of it. Don't convey the sentiments, or comments of one to another, and stop trying to fix them.

My gosh it's their feud, let them enjoy it without you in the middle.