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bishop50 · Jan 2, 2010, 01:34 PM

My boyfriend lost his mother about 1 yr ago. I suggested counseling and moving out of the house where he is and he said he was going to do it but in the mean time. I try to invite him to social gathering thinking it would take his mind off it and he feels that I am trying to rush him through the grieving and he also start saying crazy things to me when he is going through like "maybe you need someone else" and "you don't need me" how do I support him without being overbearring? Because he said sometime he wants time to himself. I love him so much and I believe he loves me. What do I do??

eyecue · Jan 2, 2010, 05:31 PM

You need to know that he should be getting better by now. You don't say how old he is but if he can move out he must be legal age. This is a very personal issue and he may not get over it. You are doing the right thing by trying to get him out. IF he lived in the house that his mother was in then he needs to move. The other things that he can do is change the house a little. New paint etc. This is an indication that things are different. The problem is that if you push too hard then he will dump on you. You have to decide whether to stick with him or move on. Don't give up your life because he can't let go of his loss.

sabrewolfe · Jan 2, 2010, 05:34 PM

Give him his time and give him his space, let him deal with his grief on his own unless he wants to talk to you about it.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 2, 2010, 05:35 PM

He should be a lot better in a year, If he is not, he is seriously in need of professional help.

Life does not end, when another dies, and he should perhaps for a few weeks not went out, but he should have been going to social events months ago.

You need to go pick him up and start taking him out, if not, you go on and in the end, you may have to move on in your life, if he is stuck in his

JudyKayTee · Jan 3, 2010, 09:53 AM

I'm going to disagree here - grief is an odd thing. There is no pattern which is universal, there is no "it should take this long or that long" rule.

I can only speak for my personal grief. Having said that, I'm not sure how OP is wording her statements to her boyfriend - I found "why don't we do this or that to take your mind off your grief" as well as similar statements to be upsetting. A simple, "Would you like to ..." was not upsetting to me. Statements to the effect of "You do not need me" only need to be addressed by, "Of course I need you." It sounds like the boyfriend simply needs reassurance.

Likewise the boyfriend said he wants/needs time to himself - I don't know if he's talking about a few hours or a few days. I needed time to myself after my husband passed away and I still occasionally need time to myself.

Your boyfriend has suffered a loss and everyone recovers on a different time frame. If his grief is excessive, yes, he should go to counselling.

How does he handle his day to day life, working for example?