[lalaine2]

My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years, we broke up from an argument, and within 2 weeks, he had sex with another girl...
2 months after the break up, he approached me and wanted to try to work things out, I was still very in love with him at the time and agreed to go Mexico with him for a week to enjoy our time alone and hopefully try to work out our relationship.

A week after the trip was when I found out he had sex with this other girl. I was devastated and didn't know how to react since I still loved him very much. I didn't confront him for a week after finding out since I knew if I brought it up, we would be over (and I still loved him a lot). I had so many questions in my mind and was feeling uneasy and finally confronted him. He apologized and emphasized how he made a mistake because he was 'confused' during the break up, and technically he wasn't cheating on me.

But to a girl's perspective.. hooking up with someone else so quickly after a breakup makes a girl feel that a 2 year relationship is so fragile... A girl invested so much time and love in a relationship, while I was suffering and coping with the break up, he was having fun meeting new girls and even had sex with one of them.

I forgave him but of course I still always bring up the issue and always feel insecure about being with him, I'm worried that if we get into any big fights and we end up in another break that he'll run to another girl immediately and I'll be back in that frustrating situation.

He stopped talking to me for a day because we got into an argument since I brought the insecure issue up, and I guess he's pissed off because I brought it up, and I'm feeling really insecure about him ignoring my calls again. How can I get over this feeling and should I still be with my boyfriend?

[talaniman]

Its not a very healthy thing to stay with someone you cannot talk to. Who wanders off at the drop of a hat. Now you are scared to say anything for fear of him disappearing and doing his thing without you.

No I think you are better off without him, and after a proper healing and growth period, you will do better.

No communication, no relationship. You really do need to get yourself under better control, so you love yourself enough to not be treated like a waste of time.

[Fr_Chuck]

You should not "accuse" him of anything, since honestly he did not do anything wrong. You and he were broke up, so he was free to have sex. It was not cheating, it was poor moral values on dating. Or often trying to get over you by having non meaning sex with someone else. Many men work or think that way.

I will agree it is not health not to talk to him, but TALK, not say he was wrong, let him know it hurts you to know about it.

If you and he both can not talk about anything, but make sure it is talking, not accusing him of being wrong.

[Wondergirl]

The two of you had broken up. He was free. To paraphrase something you wrote about your point of view, let's instead look at it from his: "But from a guy's perspective, hooking up with someone else so quickly after a breakup makes [perfect sense]. The best way to cope with a breakup and get over her is to get out of the house and have fun."

Now the two of you are back together, and you are dredging up this old news (that had nothing to do with you) and giving him grief for it? It's time to be alone for a while and find out who you are and how to appreciate yourself.

[cjk888]

Don't know if this is stilling running but how do you feel about it now because I am in the same situation and want to know if the feelings disappear or not?

By the way I am a guy so I can help if its still running

[lalaine2]

Hi cjk888,

It's been almost 4 months since I posted this post and my boyfriend and I broke up a few days after I posted about my concerns.

My suggestion is if you Love your girlfriend very much and you see a bright future with her (i.e. you can fully trust her again), then you can try to forgive her and leave the situation in the past.

For me, I knew I wouldn't be able to trust my ex-boyfriend ever again, I knew I would forever feel insecure, worrying that during shakey moments of my relationship with him that he'd run out and find another.

I'm single now.. although we've broken up for 4 months I still miss him at times. But I'm enjoying every moment of my single life until and I find THAT guy I can fully trust. :) I've bumped into my ex and it seems like he's already in another relationship, it hurts to see but it's no longer my business!

How long have you and your girlfriend been together for?

[cjk888]

Hi cjk888,

It's been almost 4 months since I posted this post and my bf and I broke up a few days after I posted about my concerns.

My suggestion is if you Love your girlfriend very much and you see a bright future with her (i.e. you can fully trust her again), then you can try to forgive her and leave the situation in the past.

For me, I knew I wouldn't be able to trust my ex-boyfriend ever again, I knew I would forever feel insecure, worrying that during shakey moments of my relationship with him that he'd run out and find another.

I'm single now..although we've broken up for 4 months I still miss him at times. But I'm enjoying every moment of my single life until and I find THAT guy i can fully trust. :) I've bumped into my ex and it seems like he's already in another relationship, it hurts to see but it's no longer my business!

How long have you and your girlfriend been together for?

Thanks for the reply,

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years we have a daughter together and a couple of months ago we split because the sparks just went we tried for a year to work things out but just decided we needed to split so she moved out but 2 weeks after she went she went on a trip to London to c her family and ended up in a night club and went home with a random lad, obviously she never told me that because it wasn't my business but a month after we decided we wanted to get back together after a drunken night,after we had sex we where talking about the split and I asked have u been with anyone she said yes and then said sorry she then asked me I said I had spike to girls and met up but not had sex but when I told her I met my ex she went mad and fell out with me but made up after. We have decided to give it a go and I really like being with her but I just can't get this lad out of mind. Also I was bringing it up a lot and no everything that happened which makes it worse. I also look through her phone now which I never use to do its breaking me but I want it to work. Thanks for replying again

[mmresd]

You came back and confronted him? About what? If you guys weren't together, then each of you were allowed to do anything you wanted, what was his mistake? Technically, actually, any =lly that you can think of, he did not cheat on you.

You either get over it and continue to work on your relationship, or you break up with him and look for someone who you don't have such negative feelings about.

[lalaine2]

Well if it's a one-time thing, its bound to be a rebound, especially if its someone she met at a night club.
And sometimes rebounds allow someone to realize how much they appreciate their boyfriends/girlfriends.

I say try to forget what happened during the break, if you have any doubts or if you can't trust her again, its really hard to continue on with the realationship. If you went out with her for 4 years and she's been faithful with you during the entire time, then technically she was faithful with you, whatever happened during the break was a mistake but at least she was honest enough to tell you about it.

As for me, I kind of wished I forgave my ex and not let whatever happened during the break affect my emotions because I still loved him a lot. It was him who broke up with me this last time because I kept on bothering him and brinigng up about the issue. So if your willing to forgive her for what happened during the break then really try to trust her to your fullest potential and start fresh.

[cjk888]

Well if its a one-time thing, its bound to be a rebound, especially if its someone she met at a night club.
And sometimes rebounds allow someone to realize how much they appreciate their boyfriends/girlfriends.

I say try to forget what happened during the break, if you have any doubts or if you can't trust her again, its really hard to continue on with the realationship. If you went out with her for 4 years and she's been faithful with you during the entire time, then technically she was faithful with you, whatever happened during the break was a mistake but at least she was honest enough to tell you about it.

As for me, I kind of wished I forgave my ex and not let whatever happened during the break affect my emotions because I still loved him a lot. It was him who broke up with me this last time because I kept on bothering him and brinigng up about the issue. So if your willing to forgive her for what happened during the break then really try to trust her to your fullest potential and start off fresh.

Thanks for the advise it's nice to hear from someone who ahead been through it I will try and get other it and I do always say to myself she didn't cheat and to be fair I think if I had the chance to sleep with someone I probably would have so just forgive and forget I guess, it's going to be hard but I guess with out the hard times we wouldn't have the good thanks again an I hope u find someone special I'm sure u will x

[lalaine2]

Thanks for the advise it's nice to hear from someone who ahead been through it I will try and get other it and I do always say to my self she didn't cheat and to be fair I think if I had the chance to sleep with someone I probably would have so just forgive and forget I guess, it's going to be hard but I guess with out the hard times we wouldn't have the good thanks again an I hope u find someone special I'm sure u will x

I'm glad the advise helped. This period will be tough and sometimes satin just loves to interfere with the mind and make us humans do stupid things such as checking his/her phone etc but fight against it.

Good luck with your girlfriend and I hope everything works out!

[talaniman]

By cjk888,

Also I was bringing it up a lot and no everything that happened which makes it worse. I also look through her phone now which I never use to do its breaking me but I want it to work.

By lalaine,

It was him who broke up with me this last time because I kept on bothering him and bringing up about the issue

Better listen to this profound statement and stop bringing up the past, and act like you want it to work. Think before you act, or speak, and then think again. Deal with your own frustration and stop visiting them on your partner. Stop the snooping! Period. Either you trust, or you don't, but nothing get worked on for the better unless you at least act like you do!

[lalaine2]

By cjk888,


by lalaine,


Better listen to this profound statement and stop bringing up the past, and act like you want it to work. Think before you act, or speak, and then think again. Deal with your own frustration and stop visiting them on your partner. Stop the snooping! Period. Either you trust, or you don't, but nothing get worked on for the better unless you at least act like you do!

Totally agree, sometimes we learn by making mistakes. At least I learned from it :)

[cjk888]

Thanks for that I will stop, I'm just going to say to myself we wasn't together so it's past and we are together now so that wint happen again. I shouldn't look through her phone but I was so para at the time and I did see about 10 lads facebooking her but she only replied to 1 of them and said she wasn't interested, she never cheated for the 4 years we where together so there's no reason she will now
Thanks for all the input it's much appretiated honestly